Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Clair - Obscure close captioned...

My film is going to be screened at the Abilities arts festival in Toronto during the last week of October. I was elated to find this out two weeks ago. It came at the perfect time - I was wondering if my film career was down the toilet. This gave me hope to continue with my message - and try to change the stigma that still hangs over mental illness.

This is the actual script from the film. The italics are a voice over in the beginning of the film, and 2nd part is when one of the creepy doctors speak to an auditorium of other doctors.

Must be seen to be believed.
Working on getting it up on Youtube.

It's the first time that I ever sat down to transcribe the monologue (which was a stream of thought process - me and a microphone, a cigarette in a darkened recording studio at 3am one January morning). It's pretty heavy duty.

I hope you enjoy it....


**
(opening sequence - series of disturbing still black and white images of the mentally ill)

You have a healthy, or can have a relatively healthy young adult, or a young person turning into adulthood, who beings to go into a psychosis, withdrawals from the people that he or she loves, and is distant from those people; at the same time that individual, that child, is clearly in enormous emotional pain, psychological pain, can't interact with people and has a disease which can last for years.



I don't like going back, and remembering. It brings me too close, to things that i wanted to forget, things that I need to forget, to go on, to live normally again.
I've come through this and I have so many questions with no answers: what is reality, who are we, where are we going, what's beyond the darkness and the silence? it's so hard to remember what happened, it's so far away. Maybe, it's far away it because that's a safe distance for me to keep from those ghosts. Sleep was my escape, and I did that often.Getting up in the morning and facing the day and having to think of getting up and living was awful thought.There would be people around me, yet I felt like like there was nobody. I'd walk and wander around aimlessly, tyring to pass the moments, hoping that the next would be better than the last.


When I'd walk, alone downtown, I knew that people would look at me; and when they would, I'd ask myself if they knew that I was sick? And if they could tell If it was in my eyes, or if I was just giving off this kind of energy? I thought that people knew.

Sometimes I became so afraid that people were following me. I was afraid that I was going to be shot, or killed, or that the world would end.
It was awful.

My imagination went into fifth gear and out of control. My reality began to shift, and mould to this paranoia, which was growing and growing.
I lived in constant fear.
I'd often thing of the Romans and their infamous blood baths, how they would sit in hot springs and slit their wrists and let the blood flow. The hot water made the blood thinner and would take away the pain.

I thought it would be so easy just to let death come like sleep.
Sleep.
Just to let death come like sleep.
The nights would go on forever. I'd wait for sleep, but sleep would never come.
My reality became altered, and what reality I had, I felt like I was losing grip of it. Gradually.
I was losing control of myself.

I went through a battery of tests, where my body became property of the hospital and the sterilized hand of curious doctors who longed to dissect my mind.

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, our patient today is manic depressive with paranoid delusions. Since the 1920's, we've known that this disorder is located in the located in the pre-frontal lobes. Traditionally, we've used more drastic and invasive procedures including the pre-frontal lobotomy and other forms of psychosurgery to treat this problem.However today we will employ a newly developed chemical therapy which acts on the same malfunctioning neuro-connections that we know to be associated with paranoia and depression.

This procedure serves the same function as severing the pre-frontal lobes and has the same pacifying effect without the physical disfigurement or more drastic side effects of a lobotomy. There is however, some pain and disorientation associated with this therapy since the injection is made directly into the brain itself. It is therefore necessary to anesthetize the patient before we being. Hopefully she will be cooperative.


These depressions, they were a part of me, they became part of my landscape.
This depression, this feeling - it grabs you, it suffocates you.
It's hard.
I've become completely desperate.
It hurts.
It's so heavy.
I have no strength for anything else.
I'm lost.
I'm afraid.

**

(fade to black - then this poem appears on black in blue type over silence)

I've seen insanity,
my mind has run
to hell and back.
I've seen the emptiness
and live in its void .

**

the end

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

for Jen


for Jen
Originally uploaded by hellophotokitty
My friend Jen's mother died a few days ago - she never had a chance to say goodbye. I feel so sad for her and her loss. Can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like. Don't even want to go there.

Life has really shoveled the shit her way too. And despite it all, she kept her chin up, a brave face and best foot foward, stomping out any bad energy that surrounded her.

She was getting her life in order too, and this happened.

We are never ready for death. Who is? People who know that it's coming around the corner? People who have faced it before?

In the weeks before my mother gets the test results from her PET scan, I wonder too if I will have to be in Jen's position soon, and it scares the living crap out of me...

living

no pun intended...

Sunday, May 20, 2007

It's been accepted - Clair Obscure - a film by Kathy Slamen...

I could not beleive it...
Got home and checked some emails - and there it was - the acceptance email I had secretly been hoping for.

click on the image for more...

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Classes for men

I'm still in tears after reading this...

God help us if this were true.
on second thought - maybe it should be...



THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY June 29, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum . Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques .
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and
Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.


Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Thursday, May 03, 2007

coming together!

The stuff is coming together!
The frames are on the floor all over my front room, waiting to be bubble wrapped and sent out.
God.
What a headache it was last night - fighting with stray white stiff cat hairs landing on black mats!
No matter how hard I tried, how much I wiped, blew, moved, shook each frame, there was always cat hair somewhere!

next time, I will pay a framer to put this stuff together for me!
So much less of a headache!

Spoke with the curator the other night - she's super pumped about my "self portraiture as healing" idea.
I'm a practical dreamer - I dream of things, and then I find ways to make them come true.

My type of artist!

I told her that my vibe says that we could do some great work together.

Crossing my fingers that things are finally coming together.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

hemo-somethingorother

My throat still hurts, and stomach still pinches after my g-scope - or endoscopy as it's called.

Not a pretty thing.
Despite the fact that I had asked for enough meds to knock out an elephant, I was awake through the whole thing. And it was a bitch...

Imagine if you will - a long rubber snake - thick and ugly going down your throat into your stomach.

Then imagine the feeling of having pieces of your stomach scraped away with a really sharp exacto knife.





Can you see it now?
good

that's what I had done to me yesterday morning.

And I woke up today with the residual internal body aches.

The doctor refreshed my memory - that I had a lovely hemoangioma on my liver. Basically a beauty spot that is non-cancerous, and is pretty common.

I remember that - we did tons of abdominal scans and an MRI to rule out anything.
Have to give the guy credit - he was thorough

But this thing hurt like hell in a handbag!

***

Spent most of the night putting images into mats into frames.
Shipping is the next big part.

I really hope I sell something this time.
It's really nice to have my stuff in galleries all over the place, but damm - it's getting expensive to ship and frame all of it!

But nonetheless, I'm excited.
The curator of the show is really excited about my work.
Told her last night about my project: Self-portraiture as a healing tool. She said that I had something promising.

I'm a practical dreamer - I dream about things, but then do what I need to make them come true.

That's just the kind of person I need on my side right now.

Fingers and liver spots crossed!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


This is what the postcard is going to look like.
At least I hope it will...

things that make you go - Oh brother...

Just a little bitch rant.

Slept all day - woke up at 4pm.
How disgusting is that? Perhaps my body was telling me it neeed to refuel after that long ride back from NYC.

Wonder if I'll be going to Toronto with my pix.
I can't believe that they are going to go up next week. I hope to god I can get an extension. Rushing like this is going to be the death of me.

not to mention the guys at the lab, the people who are going to do the matting/framing, and the huge hole that is growing in my bank account...

and then I think: is this all worth it? I haven't made a sale, keep blowing money out the window, what's next? Living out of a shoebox cause I can't even afford the shoes?

I just have to remain positive. Many years of busting my ass will hopefully come to fruition.
Hopefully.

Reading Anthony Robbins - interesting shit about modeling behaviour of successful people, and of course, the almighty keeping tabs on your mind. Must prune my mental hedges before they grow out of control. They are certainly stretching their cognitive limits as of late.

oh brother.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

on the road - again...?


Bad news:
my images came down before they were supposed to - three days before they were supposed to. That really pissed me off big time. The reason is still unclear, but it seems like it was planned beforehand, and was slipped under my radar in a very sneaky way.

but I can't complain - in the big scheme of things - I did get my very first solo show in New York City: a place that embraced my work when galleries in Canada wouldn't even touch it with a 20 foot pole.

and it is new york city...

**
the ride down was brutal. Those overnighters usually are. Popped a whole ativan and slept most of the way there. Got one of those silly neck pillows - puffy foamy donut boas that sit on your shoulders. Kept my head from bobbing around and onto the person next to me.

got in about 7am. Met up with E and had a great breakfast. She's such a doll. It's been a while since I had a real girl pow wow/power bitch session. Needed to get that load off.

went to see S in central park while he was working. Hung out a bit, told me about his new job. Friendly yadda yadda.

Went to the club to pick up the pix. No real explanation except an "oh well. Sorry..."

I was too tired to argue and too upset to yell, so I let it slide.
Next time - get it all in writing.

E came to pick me up and we drove out to BF nowhereville East Flatbush.
so much for priceline.com!!!

crashed and then went out for dinner. Saturday was spent at a great bar called the Red Lion where we saw two AMAZING bands - and had a blast dancing and taking lots of pictures.

Sunday we vegged (I slept until 3:30pm) - went into the city and met with E later on. Hung out at a really campy Karaoke bar, but actually got into the fun (almost went up to sing - almost. About two beers shy of making a fool of myself). E came later and then S showed up - Mr. Rock star. Funny dude.

The next day we stumbled out of East Flatbush middle of nowhere and headed home - frames in the trunk, hand in my pocket, and my first solo expo under my belt.

That's the good news -

My first show EVER in New York...

I can't let what happened get to me, considering the chance I was given. Makes me very zen - thankful for everything. Taking the bad with the good.

Sad tho - kind of an end of an era
just ready for another one to begin...

And it did:

got an email that my live show pix will be at the Rivoli for the month of May!!
Logistics are going to be difficult - shipping, printing, more money, but I can't stop to think about all this shit. I just gotta ride the wave and know that I will remember how to float.

but I am tired, so very tired.
All of this is catching up to me.

I need sleep but can't seem to find the time. How odd is that?

Thursday, April 19, 2007

meditations for women




Yea, it's sucky but I need to see it and burn it into my brain...

and the rains came down...

First, I get the bleed.
After being scott free for the longest time, it figures that it would rear it's ugly red head right when I am about to leave for a trip that will have me sitting on my ass for 8 hours. lovely.

then mom calls: I got the ups guy here with a huge package but there is broken glass in it. Oh yea, and it's costing me 98$...

WTF??

This was supposed to be from the gallery in nyc who lost my frames when I came down to pick them up for the madame x show (which had me scrambling to get replacements) said they would ship it - and incur the costs since they inconvenienced me... HELLO!?!?
Broken shredded frames photos and glass? One whole piece is ruined...

then I find out that my stuff at madame x has already come down!!! Apparently there was this huge private party (and I guess my stuff wasn't their liking) and it all came down yesterday.
I WAS SENDING PEOPLE OVER TO SEE MY STUFF! ON ALL THE INVITES IT SAID UNTIL THE 20TH!!! I blew a gasket, and almost began to breathe fire.

apparently, e smoothed it all out (god bless his soul) and the manager said that if anybody came by, the bartender would take my images upstairs to show the potential buyers (ha. like that's gonna happen).

When it rains it pours.
The light at the end of the tunnel is a tiny flashlight who's batteries are just about to die out.

on the road.. 'gain!

This time 2mrw, I will be on a buss to NYC.
I feel like I live there already.

Taking my photos down from the expo at madame x.
A month just flew by.

mom's chemo - a year ago yesterday. We blinked and missed it.

Time is something that's in short supply.

As we get older, i think time becomes compressed.
I can't believe it's almost May.

before we know it - turn around and it will be Christmas.

Morbid thought

Let's not go there...

***

I need to go back to NYC on my own though. Run around like a kid in a candy store - discover myself again. Traveling on my own opens my mind and soul.

A good soul scrubbing is what this 15 day old - 39r needs right now.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

but the sex pistols played on uninterupted...

What a strange post this was.
I wonder why I kept it in draft mode for so long.
Perhaps it scared me to publish it...

on the road again...

Today we had mom's surprise party.
She didn't see it coming at all.

it was wonderful - more than 30 people showed up, all to cheer with and congratulate her.

I'm so happy I decided to do it. A milestone like this should not have to be missed.

365 days ago, we began our journey.

we've come a long way baby!


and as of thursday night - 11pm, I'll be on the road to NYC again.
Taking down my images from the show. It will be a sad affair - almost a putting away of momentos from a bygone area, into storage they go.

The high was steep and short, but at least I was able to live it.

Sadness today.
S called from nyc. It's been ages since he picked up the phone to say hello.
His cousin commited suicide. He had found out only 10 minutes earlier and was in shock.

how ironic that I was running late for my mom's surviving chemo party while another person close to me began to mourn.

how f-ed up is that?



need sleep
need rest
orbiting lethargy
painfully
slowly

silly haiku
stop me short
of making
sense...

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

1 year ago

exactly one year ago, mom started her chemotherapy.

And she is now chemo free - and hopefully cancer free too.

Then the wait begins - the wait for the PET scan, the wait for the results, then the wait for the next scan, the next set of results.

We both don't want to think of the worst case scenario, so every day is lived to the fullest, telling each other we are so happy that the other is alive and the time spent together is wonderful.


It's funny because as I begin to slide into a deeper depression, she is beginning to come out of one - rejuvenated and with a second chance on life.

My worst fear is that the only thing that will shake me out of my slump would be something like she had to go through, but at this point, I don't know if I'd have the will to fight it.

So very tired
so very very tired...


I planned a surprise party for her tomorrow afternoon. Told all the profs and students. Two huge carrot cakes sit taking up all the space and cold air in my fridge. Will have to cab it in and grab my camera bag along for the ride.

I don't think she suspects anything.

Oh and I know that she will be soo happy.

"And the times I thought that I was too weak to continue, I looked around me, and saw how blessed I was with all the people who love me and supported me through the whole thing - and it's as if through their love, I was able to survive and go through it."


You've come a long way mom - and everybody is cheering you on...

Friday, April 13, 2007

over whelm me

I got a call from Kory - he is all pumped about me working on this script with him.
And he's not messing around - got some heavy hitters: Ford motors for the cars, Panavison for the cameras, Kodak for the film stock, and other corporate companies who love to throw money at young filmmakers with a hot idea.

But the story is complicated - need a serious road map just to find my way in.

He's in Ottawa and I'm here - it will be tough to get script work done. Over the phone is all we can do now.

But the plot line has so many tentacles - too many I fear that the actual story might get strangled before it begins.

This is a huge endeavor, and for a first time filmmaker/writer, it's not something I would advise, but then again, people said I couldn't make my movies - well, I showed them all.

but those were small beans - student films
not dealing with the Canadian government, espionage/terrorism/million dollar heists.

It's huge - and I don't know if I have the energy to put into this right now.

Mom's chemo is rounding out a year next Tuesday.
Must remember to go to club price to pick up cake and coffee on the weekend.


Bloody snow.
It feels like November again - hibernation, stagnation, alienation

hello
hello
hello




I can't sleep - too much on my mind and weighing heavily on my heart. Blasted Prozac - supposed to make me happier, not wearier. Stabilize those lows - wash that man right outa your hair...

if it were only that easy



*spring comes,
and the grass
grows by itself*

Thursday, April 12, 2007

me, moi, yo



Originally uploaded by Patrick T Power.
Patrick T Power took this while coming by to see my show at Madame x!
I'm still in shock that my stuff is hanging in NYC...

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

burn, to a crisp

After a two hour wait at the border, we got home, worn, exhausted - burnt to a crisp.
New York can drain the life out of you if you let it - can be a good thing, can be a bad thing.

The opening was great. I was just elated beyond anything that two new flickr friends made it out of their way to come by. That really made it worth while. Really...

The rest of the night was a blur of loud live bands, club hopping and too much wine. Sunday was the worst hangover I've had in years.
Should have known that the wine would have done me in - but hell. It was free...

Went to a Mexican restaurant that night - Mama Mexico. What a blast. Il, E and I went and drank pomegranate mohitos while a roaming mariachi band serenaded us (played happy birthday for me, as well as besame mucho - a real tear jerker...). Despite the fact that I was having my own marching band in my head, the evening was filled with laughs and good times.

good times...

but now I'm feeling low, reality check and things don't look so hot.
The darker side of life says: nobody from any of the hundreds of galleries you sent postcards to showed up, you spent over $1000 in frames and prints, with not one sale, and now what's next?

What's next?
I guess I'm the only one that can really answer that question, but I'm afraid to open my Pandora's box of wishes only to see that it's now empty...


I hate these crash and burns.

Burn, to a crisp.

the spread - part two - swords and knives...

Self: two of cups

The twos are related to the High Priestess. As such they indicate duality but, more importantly, they indicate instinctual knowledge. Aces are undirected energy; the twos are, in a sense, the knowledge of what the direction for that energy should take. Thus:

Two of Cups

This card of two people looking into each other's eyes is one of the easiest to read - it is recognition of love, of a friend or soul mate. It predicts that you will find someone who 'knows' you, and you, in turn, will 'know' them. It is a very Romeo & Juliet card. So, there is the direction for that swelling of emotion within you, toward this other person.


Foundation: Wheel of fortune

Basic Tarot Story

From out of hiding comes the Fool, into the sunlight, as if being pulled up from some low, dark point on a wheel. It is time for a change. Staff in hand, he heads back out into the world, expecting nothing. But, strangely, things seem to happen to him as the hours go by, good things. Wandering by water wheel a woman offers him a drink in a golden chalice, and then urges him to keep the cup, just because she likes him; as he wanders by a windmill, he stops to watch a young man swinging a sword; when he expresses his admiration of the weapon, the young man presses it into his hand, insisting that he take it.

And finally, when he comes upon a rich merchant sitting in a wagon, right over one of the wheels, the man hands him a bag of money. "I like giving away money," explains the Merchant, "and I decided, just randomly, that the tenth person who walked past me today would get this money. You're the tenth." The Fool hardly thought he could still be surprised, but he is. It is as if everything good that he ever did in his life is being paid back to him, three-fold. All luck this day is his.

Basic Tarot Meaning

With Jupiter as its ruling planet, the Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. Almost every definition of this card indicates abundance, happiness, elevation, luck. A change that just happens, and brings with it great joy.

Observations

As much as the Tarot is about what a Querent can do to change their life or self, there are cards that admit that sometimes you just get lucky. This card can mean movement, change and evolution, but its primary meaning always seems to say that such changes will seem to come out of the blue, a stroke of good, unexpected fortune. The person you're reading for is going to get that money, that job, that promotion, that special person, that break they've been waiting for. Call it Karmic payback for all the good things they've done in life, destiny or just luck, but whatever lotteries are out there, large or small, they've just won one.


Situation: night of swords

Knights or princes are the spirit of the teenager, all about changes. Knights are never still; as the pages/princesses suggest messages, the knights/princes suggest movement, travel.

Elementally, they are Air moving and flowing like that element. As a person, they're likely to stand for a young adult or someone who acts very like a teen. Their beliefs are purer than of adult, less cynical and more fierce. In this they are most knight like: powerfully, almost unquestioning loyal to a kingdom or cause.

Too smart for his own good, this young man is also too talkative. He's engages in flame wars on a dozen internet chat sites, he questions his teachers, he likes to play devil's advocate and argues with his friends and family just for the sake of arguing. This sharp mind and sharp tongue can, in the negative, lead him to spread gossip or nasty rumors just to see what will happen. If there's anything this knight will fight and die for, it is for freedom of information and speech.


Recent Past: 8 of coins

Eights are about moving, taking action, as Strength is a card of courage and transformation. It's very easy to let things stay as they are inside yourself or without (though, as the Eights warn, it's easy but damaging). It is much harder to gather up the willpower and mental strength to make a real change. A scary change. Like the Strength card, it is scary to approach that lion, but you can alter the relationship you have with it.

An apprentice works on eight pentacles. This is the apprentice card. It is a card of starting over, doing something new or perhaps just expanding. Apprenticeship can be scary or demoralizing, like in all those cliched movies where the Kung Fu youngster has to carry water and sweep floors before he can do the real stuff. Similarly, this card predicts, if not a tough time, a time of learning and mistakes, doubts and just hard work. The Querent needs to be told to keep up their courage, to either make this move into a new job or to stick with it if they've already made the move. Being an apprentice (or an apprentice again) will teach (or re-teach) them how to persevere.

The message of all Eights is that movement, a change of place, home, job or situation can lead to an internal transformation. All that is needed is the strength to go through with it.


Challenges/ Opportunities: Ace of Swords

Aces are the root force. They are the spark. Relate them to the Magician, who presents the tools to the Fool. They have no purpose yet, but are filled with raw potential. They are the active energy of the suit ready to be used. They can also indicate direction or season, though which stands for which is often debated. Here are the "usual" directions and seasons. If, however, they don't feel right to you, the reader, use whatever works best.

East/Spring
The mind awakening for new challenges. This usually indicates that the person's mind is feeling sharper, clearer. They want to talk, want to discuss or write. The breeze stirs through the trees and the flegling thinks of trying out its newly feathered wings. The sword is lifted, and the querent wants to test its edge.


Near Future: 9 of swords

Nine is a card of completion (so is Ten, but we'll get to that). Like the Hermit, who connects to the nines, it is a card where something is finished and the person in turn steps back to look on what he's done, earned, or gained. Nines are among the most powerful cards, usually granting the Querent what it is they, like the Hermit, are seeking.

A man wakes from a nightmare, nine swords on the wall. It can be a good thing to find what you seek, except when it comes to ideas, words or problems. Find too many of them and they will overwhelm you. We all know this card, it is the one where we wake up at night and go over our troubles, problems, worries, thoughts, what we said, what others said. The Querent must be told that while their problems may be real, they're blowing them out of proportion, making them worse, nightmarish. They are spending too many sleepless nights alone and awake with these words, ideas, problems. What they are really seeking is to wake from this bad dream - which they can do by realizing that it is a bad dream - most of it is in their head.


Blocks & Inhibitions: 8 of swords

Eights are about moving, taking action, as Strength is a card of courage and transformation. It's very easy to let things stay as they are inside yourself or without (though, as the Eights warn, it's easy but damaging). It is much harder to gather up the willpower and mental strength to make a real change. A scary change. Like the Strength card, it is scary to approach that lion, but you can alter the relationship you have with it.

A woman is tied and blindfolded within a cage of swords. This is the "damned if you do, damned if you don't," card. The Querent is in a situation where they're afraid to move. If they move, they'll get cut. However, the ropes that bind them, the blindfold over their eyes, are their own fears, keeping them still, immobile. And so the longer they stay, the more they constrain and entrap themselves. Ever been in a situation where you're afraid to say anything, so afraid that you second guess yourself, end up saying nothing, tying yourself in knots? But speaking up is going to get you cut to ribbons? That's this card. The Querent must have the strength to endure the cuts, else they'll stay trapped. They must move, for the longer they let the situation continue, the worse it will get.

The message of all Eights is that movement, a change of place, home, job or situation can lead to an internal transformation. All that is needed is the strength to go through with it.


Allies: 10 of swords

As the aces were the pure, elemental spark of the suit, the tens are the element of the suit complete. Not as in the nines, which are physical completion, but in a transcendent fashion. It is the ultimate good or bad of that element.

A man dead with ten swords in his back. It is a nasty looking card. Sometimes everything just... goes... wrong. And this is a card that lets the Querent know that, yes, things are as bad as he fears. The troublesome swords can't get much worse than this, with bad things said about the Querent, ruin of their lives. But as the fellow in the card indicates, the swords have done their worse. You can't be more dead. It is over.


Advice: Queen of cups

The element of Queens is water and, not surprisingly, they are a reflection of the Empress. In this they signify the creative force. One way to think of the court cards is this: The Kings are the motivating force (Fire = the sun waking up the sleeping Earth). The queens are the ones who make it real (water = rain bringing forth life from the earth). The Knights spread the idea of the Kingdom (wind = spreading the seeds). And the Pages, of course, are the fertile soil in which all of this can grow.

When Queens appear they signal a time of growth and development, a time when the Querent is making things real. Developing a romance, psychic powers, or the growth of a family.


Long-term Potential: two of coins

The twos are related to the High Priestess. As such they indicate duality but, more importantly, they indicate instinctual knowledge. Aces are undirected energy; the twos are, in a sense, the knowledge of what the direction for that energy should take.

Standing before the waves of an ocean, a fellow deftly juggles two pentacles. Is the meaning quite clear now? Yes, the instinctive knowledge of how to juggle finances, a check book, or jobs. As with the swords, you can't keep at it forever, but it is a good use to put your money or hard work to until your ship comes in. Which is what the background waves are all about - keep juggling, relief is on its way.




the spread

Self: Death

Basic Tarot Story

Having left the tree from where he hung, the Fool moves carefully through an fallow field, head still clearing from visions. The air is cold and wintery, the trees bare. Before him, he sees, rising with the sun, a skeleton in black armor mounted on a white horse. He recognizes it as Death. As it stops before him, he humbly asks, "Have I died?" He feels, in fact, rather empty and desolate. And the Skeleton answers, "Yes, in a way. You sacrificed your old world, your old self. Both are gone, dead." The Fool reflects on that, "How sad." Death acknowledges this with a nod. "Yes, but it is the only way to be reborn. A new Sun is rising, and it is, for you, a time of great transformation." As Death rides away, the Fool can feel the truth in those words. He, too, feels like a skeleton, all that he was stripped away. This, he understands, is how all great transformations start, by stripping things to the bone, and building fresh upon the bare foundations.

Basic Tarot Meaning

Yes, the Death card can signal a death in the right circumstances (a question about a very sick or old relative, for example), but unlike its dramatic presentation in the movies, the Death card is far more likely to signal transformation, passage, change. Scorpio, the sign of this card, has three forms: scorpion, serpent, eagle. The Death card indicates this transition from lower to higher to highest. This is a card of humility, and it may indicate the Querent as being brought low, but only so that they can then go higher than they ever have before. Wang notes that Death "humbles" all, but it also "exults." Always keep in mind that on this card of darkness there is featured a sunrise as well .

Observations

The connection of sex and death in Scorpio (the sign stands for both) is a strong indication of what this card is all about. We westerners see "Death" as a frightening card because we often see Death as an end, and we hate for things to come to an end. However, in other traditions, Death is just a natural and important, if sad part of an on-going cycle. In a karmic sense, you die so that you may be reborn. Winter comes so that there can be a spring, and we can only appreciate what we have when we know that there is loss. The Death card signals such things. This is a time of change. Time for something to end; but time also for something new to begin. The Querent may honestly be told that they may feel sad or empty, low, but that this will give him a way to rise again, like a phoenix from the ashes. Death is not the end. It is only the precursor to resurrection.


Situation: The hanged man

Basic Tarot Story

The Fool settles beneath a tree, intent on finding his spiritual self. There he stays for nine days, without eating, barely moving. People pass by him, animals, clouds, the wind, the rain, the stars, sun and moon. On the ninth day, with no conscious thought of why, he climbs a branch and dangles upside down like a child, giving up for a moment, all that he is, wants, knows or cares about. Coins fall from his pockets and as he gazes down on them - seeing them not as money but only as round bits of metal - everything suddenly changes perspective. It is as if he's hanging between the mundane world and the spiritual world, able to see both. It is a dazzling moment, dreamlike yet crystal clear. Connections he never understood before are made, mysteries are revealed.

But timeless as this moment of clarity seems, he realizes that it will not last. Very soon, he must right himself, and when he does, things will be different. He will have to act on what he's learned. For now, however, he just hangs, weightless as if underwater, observing, absorbing, seeing.

Basic Tarot Meaning

With Neptune (or Water) as its planet, the Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.

The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. This is a time of trial or meditation, selflessness, sacrifice, prophecy. The Querent stops resisting; instead he makes himself vulnerable, sacrifices his position or opposition, and in doing so, gains illumination. Answers that eluded him come clear, solutions to problems are found. He sees the world differently, has almost mystical insights. This card can also imply a time when everything just stands still, a time of rest and reflection before moving on. Things will continue on in a moment, but for now, they float, timeless.

Observations

Neptune is spirituality, dreams, psychic abilities, and the Hanged Man is afloat in these. He is also 12, the opposite of the World card, 21. With the World card you go infinitely out. With the Hanged Man, you go infinitely in.

This card signifies a time of insight so deep that, for a moment, nothing but that insight exists. All Tarot readers have such moments when we see, with absolute clarity, the whole picture, the entire message offered by a spread. The Hanged Man symbolizes such moments of suspension between physical and mystical worlds. Such moments don't last, and they usually require some kind of sacrifice. Sacrifice of a belief or perspective, a wish, dream, hope, money, time or even selfhood. In order to gain, you must give. Sometimes you need to sacrifice cherished positions, open yourself to other truths, other perspectives in order to find solutions, in order to bring about change. One thing is certain, whether the insight is great or small, spiritual or mundane, once you have been the Hanged Man you never see things quite the same.




Recent Past: Ace of cups
Aces are the root force. They are the spark. Relate them to the Magician, who presents the tools to the Fool. They have no purpose yet, but are filled with raw potential. They are the active energy of the suit ready to be used. They can also indicate direction or season, though which stands for which is often debated. Here are the "usual" directions and seasons. If, however, they don't feel right to you, the reader, use whatever works best.

These are the aces, the raw or initial passion, feelings, thoughts and needs that can be directed into something more. They represent hope, a possiblity, an action to take. The Querent can use them, or leave them behind. Choose wisely what you take up from the Magician's table for each has its pitfalls as well as pinnacles.

Ace of Cups

West/Fall
Emotions rising up for new love. This usually indicates that the querent is feeling a new welling of emotion or beginning to have some vivid dreams. They're not writing the poetry yet, but they feel the desire to, or they may have caught sight of a figure across a room and felt a tug at their heart. They've lifted the cup and they want to drink from it.


Challenges/ Opportunities: 6 of wands
Sixes are balance and harmony, especially after the upsets of the fives. These cards predict a solution, and not just any solution; there will be an exchange, a give and take that results in a new equilibrium. It may not last, but for that moment, everything is stable. With this card, there is an almost "Ah-HA!" of recognition, of understanding in the solution, and more than a little awe at the symmetry achieved by it.

If you connect the sixes to the Lovers card you'll see how it works. The "love" aspect of the Lovers card is that of recognition and equilibrium. Like Gemini, you recognize your twin, your soul mate. Maybe you didn't even know how uneven, how lopsided your life was, but now that you've met this person, you can feel the scales coming into balance. Here is harmony. Here is the solution.

Six of Wands
The Victory Card: A victorious man on a horse, applauded by all, enters carrying a wand with a laurel wreath. Here is the conclusion to what happened with the Five of Wands. Competition was fierce, an answer had to be found to make the Querent stand out, make them different, special. Ah-HA! says the 6 of Wands. The Querent has found (or will find) that solution. Success, in fact, requires that they be above all others, that they make themselves a champion of the people. Note the give-and-take common to all 6's. The crowd offers the victor applause. He, in turn, offers them a champion to adore. For this moment, both are happy, the victor with the adulation, the crowd with their hero.


Near Future: Ace of swords

East/Spring
The mind awakening for new challenges. This usually indicates that the person's mind is feeling sharper, clearer. They want to talk, want to discuss or write. The breeze stirs through the trees and the flegling thinks of trying out its newly feathered wings. The sword is lifted, and the querent wants to test its edge.


Foundation: The Empress

Basic Tarot Story

Having decided what shape his future will take, the Fool strides forward. But he is impatient to make his future a full-grown reality. This is when he comes upon the Empress. Hair gold as wheat, a crown of stars, a white gown dotted with pomegranates. She rests back on her throne surrounded by an abundance of grain and a lush garden. It is possible that she is pregnant.

Kneeling, the Fool relates to her his story. And she, in turn, smiles a motherly smile and gently gives him this advice: "Like newly planted grain or a child in the womb, a new life, a new love, a new creation is fragile. It requires fertile soil, patience and nurturing, it needs love and attention. Only this will bring it to fruition." Understanding at last that his future will take time to build and create, the Fool thanks the Empress and continues on his way.

Basic Tarot Meaning

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone,

Observations
The Empress card is one of the easier trumps to read. She's Mother. Generally, Mother in a good sense. Patient, loving, giving, generous. If defining her as the Querent, you can say that they are currently feeling like a mother hen, worried about their children, new business, new creation, new romance. Male or female, they want to dote and hover and fret over every little sneeze and problem. If defining the Empress as someone related to the Querent, well, it might well be the Querent's Mom, or a woman who's very motherly toward them.

Of course, the Empress can also be the worst aspects of an attentive Mom; she can smother, not know when to let go, be possessive and jealous of those who would take away her "baby." It is important for the Querent to realize that plants can die from over-watering as easily as neglect.

This card tells the Querent that if they want their new romance, new career, new business, new creation to grow into all it can be they have to pay attention to it, baby it and be willing to let it take those first steps when it is ready. Most of all, like any pregnant mother or good gardener, they have to be patient. All things need time to gestate and sprout.



Higher Power: 5 of swords

When trying to read the Fives, think of the Hierophant. The Hierophant represents a teacher, counselor, or priest, someone who advises people when they're in trouble. Likewise, the Fives are unique cards in that each one seems to pose both a problem and an answer. After four fairly smooth cards of growth and development, the fives represent the fly in the ointment. Instability; the changes that make one humble and allow for growth.

Of the question asked of the Hierophant by a troubled supplicant, the problem is real world. The answer, however, appropriate to the Hierophant, is usually spiritual or at least pragmatic. Understand that all Fives temper the Querent - you go through the fire, the low points, the hard times, in order to come out stronger.

Five of Swords

A smirking young man gathers up swords won in battle from two losers. In arguments and battles of ideas there are going to be times when one just loses or has to surrender. The worst of these is when the winner is an awful person, a bully, braggart, a cheat, someone who used an unfair advantage to win. But it happens. The problem: "How can I win in an argument with this person?" The answer/prediction: "You can't. All you can do is not argue." This is the closest to a win one can come to in this situation. But if the Querent feels they must argue, then they need to be prepared to learn from it, not allow feelings of failure, anger or blame to overcome them.


Blocks & Inhibitions: 6 of coins

Sixes are balance and harmony, especially after the upsets of the fives. These cards predict a solution, and not just any solution; there will be an exchange, a give and take that results in a new equilibrium. It may not last, but for that moment, everything is stable. With this card, there is an almost "Ah-HA!" of recognition, of understanding in the solution, and more than a little awe at the symmetry achieved by it.

If you connect the sixes to the Lovers card you'll see how it works. The "love" aspect of the Lovers card is that of recognition and equilibrium. Like Gemini, you recognize your twin, your soul mate. Maybe you didn't even know how uneven, how lopsided your life was, but now that you've met this person, you can feel the scales coming into balance. Here is harmony. Here is the solution.

A wealthy man holding scales hands out money to the poor. This card really reflects the idea of all the 6's--how give and take creates balance and harmony. The man wants to balance the scales, but has one coin too many. By giving it away, he gets his balanced scales, and the beggar benefits. Thus, the prediction of this card is that money, work or health woes can be solved by way of a gift, benefit, free promotional items or scholarship. They need to give it away, you can really use it, so take it. Balance achieved, problem solved on both sides. Alternately, this card can also indicate the opposite as well, the Querent, if well off, might be reminded that generosity is a good way to solve other problems. Need a tax break? Give to charity. Two problems solved, harmony restored.


Allies: 4 of wands

Fours are ruled by the Emperor. Like both the Emperor and his throne they signify a kind of stability, a holding pattern if you will. For a moment, everything is still, solid, rooted, established. This can be positive, a solid foundation, or negative, something that refuses to budge or change.

Four of Wands
The ships have come in, and the Querent can sit back and enjoy them. This card, with its four wands holding up garlands, implies the foundation of a house, literally and figuratively. Whatever the Querent has been building, they have established it, strong and solid. They can take a moment to admire what they've done, enjoy the first rewards it has brought them, and bask in their initial success. Sometimes this card suggests marriage; once again, laying the foundation for the future.


Advice: 8 of wands

Eights are about moving, taking action, as Strength is a card of courage and transformation. It's very easy to let things stay as they are inside yourself or without (though, as the Eights warn, it's easy but damaging). It is much harder to gather up the willpower and mental strength to make a real change. A scary change. Like the Strength card, it is scary to approach that lion, but you can alter the relationship you have with it.

Eight of Wands
Eight wands cut across the sky. The power and energy of eight combined with the energy of wands makes this a card of movement and expansion. There is no fear in the Querent at all! This is the card of a person who, on seeing that lion, says, "Allow me!", rolls up their sleeves, shoves everyone out of the way, strides up and raps the beast on the nose. "Don't you try to push me around!" they snap.

A lot of things are going to be happening fast, and the Querent is going to revel in and handle all of them. This will likely include trips - and the Querent will want to drive or fly him/herself, likely. Fast. No need to slow down or be impatient, with this card, you can really move, change, do.


Long-term Potential; 10 of wands

As the aces were the pure, elemental spark of the suit, the tens are the element of the suit complete. Not as in the nines, which are physical completion, but in a transcendent fashion. It is the ultimate good or bad of that element.

Ten of Wands
A man carries ten heavy wands on his back. This is a card that says that the Querent has used up all the energy they started with at the ace. They don't feel that creative, driving force any more. The image on this card implies that the Querent has complete control of all the many things he wanted control over. He is the leader, the boss. But this means that all the burdens are his as well. He's trying to do everything, and it leaves him drained. Advise your Querent to delegate, to put down some burdens and find his energy again.


Friday, April 06, 2007

off to the city that never sleeps, and neither do I for that matter...

Had a nice quiet non-eventful birthday - woke up, haircut, a nap, work around the house, dishes and washing, over to mom's for some swiss chalet bbq chicken, tiramisu cake, and then back home.

Thank God I took the opportunity to pamper myself the day before, otherwise I really would have been depressed.

The nails look nice, all purty around with the hair and that.

but stressed - can't sleep.

Decaf-espresso is a myth.

I'm living proof.



So we are off in the morning.
E is waking me up at 7am. On the road by 8 perhaps?

A got married last weekend.

Already.
How time flies.

Next week I'll be saying how quickly this week went by.
Then it will be the week after and I will be back in NYC to pick up my frames, and life will go back to normal, mundane regular joe blow everydayness.

How do I top this one??

Stay tuned, and wish me luck in nyc and on my opening night Saturday from 7-9pm.
Madame X

*gulp*!!
my little pix of me in the buffsy

in New york city.

how funny is that?

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

countdown

biosculpting my nails 2mrw
electro/vaxing with mary at 3
shaitsu massage at 7:30pm


April 4th
1:30 haircut
Birthday
chill out

Sounds like a plan...

Friday, March 30, 2007

Women - blind your men...

Ladies - it seemed like oedipus rex had the right idea when he gouged his eyes out.
This is just too much...
After posting the thing about censorship and how flick is going all "purtitanical' on our asses, this was the icing on the cake.

Flirting women affect how men view mates: study
Last Updated: Friday, March 30, 2007 3:44 PM ET


CBC News
Men are more likely to think less of their partner after exposure to flirtatious women, according to a study published this month that puts a new twist on human mating behaviour.
The paper, which appears in the March issue of the journal Evolution and Human Behavior, is the first to show that one woman's behaviour can affect how a man views other women, including his partner.

Previous studies had shown men rated their partners lower after they were exposed to images of attractive women, said lead author and University of Lethbridge graduate student Sandeep Mishra.

While Mishra and two colleagues from McMaster University were unable to replicate those exact results, they were able to show that flirtatious behaviour could produce a similar reaction in men.

In one of the two experiments, the 87 male and 66 female test subjects watched a video of members of the opposite sex being interviewed and asked questions about politics and other non-sexual subjects.

Unbeknownst to the subjects, some of the interviewees were asked to behave in a more socially open manner by looking directly into the camera, smiling often and acting as if the viewer was the centre of attention. Other subjects viewed the interviewees behaving in a bored and disinterested manner.

The subjects were then asked to rate the attractiveness of their own partners, or, if they were single, to rate the attractiveness of other members of the opposite sex.
Men's ratings of their current partners and unattached men's rating of other women were both lower if they had viewed the more socially open videotape interviewee.
The relative openness of male interviewees had no effect on women subjects.

Results support evolutionary theory
Mishra told CBC News Online the results support theories of evolutionary psychology on the different ways in which men and women historically looked for partners.
"Women are less likely to respond to signals of intent because they are more exposed to them than men are," said Mishra. "Historically females also benefit most from finding one high quality partner, so their opinion of their partner is less likely to be swayed by exposure to an attractive male."

Reproductive success for men, on the other hand, has historically been contingent on finding and mating with a large number of females, said Mishra. But he cautions this behaviour, while fitting with evolutionary psychological theories, does not determine how an individual will or should act. "This doesn't mean that what is natural in biological terms is necessarily good," he said. "People still have the ability to make choices."

He suggests more awareness of these tendencies can be useful for people in relationships.
"When a man goes out and experiences these twinges of feelings, he should know there is a reason for it, and that it may not be because he is unhappy," he said. "These behaviours can be superseded and don't have to shape the way we behave."
what the bloody hell..??

coffee and cigarettes

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

THEY LIKE ME! THEY REALLY LIKE ME!!!

I was bored out of my mind, waiting for the ativan to take effect - slow my mind and loosen my body when I came across this.

Just for kicks, every once and a while I google myself.
And *bonus* - I don't feel the need for a cigarette after doing so!


(you have to scroll down to the end to see the guy's article...)

Eighth Annual Interational Erotic Art Exhibition

Detroit
On February 11th, 2007, Stabler says:
Detroit, Bert's Warehouse Theater, Saturday Night:

The 8th annual Dirty Show saw a large turnout for Saturday night. The venue, Bert's Warehouse Theater, was exactly that, a warehouse turned into a theater, ostensibly owned by a fellow amed Bert.

Erotic art, mixed media, photography, sculpture, video productions, and live burlesque acts were to be had for everyone's viewing pleasure. And there was something for everyone indeed. The mixed age and race crowd were able to view scenes of carnal delights among men and women, men and men, women and women, and combinations of all three. No fetish was left unrepresented, bondage, domination, body modification, and urination abounded in all forms---even walking among the spectators. Two full service cash bars kept inhibitions loose.

Highlights include:

H.R. Giger's xenoerotic art

Len Von Speedcult's lace steelwork sculpture of a headless, tattooed woman "Flaming Woman"

Kathy Slamen's portrait "My Side" an 11x14 print eerily featuring 10" of negative space.

portraits of topless women made out of lego pieces

Spoken word performance by Detroit underground legend Jimmy Doom

"Clit Tube" a phallic tube with triangular openin, upon looking in one was treated to kaleidoscopic pornography films

In all, a pleasurable (read, hedonistic) way to view art as well as debate the question "Art or porn"


Holy F*%K!
I'm in the same company as Gieger!
Too funny.
And just when I was going to retire my camera for good, and get a full time job stuffing handbags in a factory...

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

stress

stress

akk

my stomach feels like it's housing the cirque du soleil

picking up the mats and frames now.

Business and postcards tomorrow.


Cha-ching
cha-ching! Fly little brown and pink bills* - it's nice and windy outside.
Leave quickly before I change my mind!!


*brown Canadian bill- 100$
* pink Canadian bill- 50$

pix of my bod on the walls of some club in nyc sans clothes?

priceless...

Shadow Walking


Shadow Walking
Originally uploaded by Tomitheos.
This is my good friend Tom. He is taking his cat Nipsy for her last walk. She died yesterday. She was 19 and her health began to deteriorate quickly over the past month.

This image is so bittersweet. I can imagine the pain and sadness that overcomes somebody when the enviable passing of a furry friend because it's happened to me. After those moments that ripped my heart to pieces, I vowed never to get another cat again - because it just hurt too much to say goodbye, but in my house run two 7 year old cats whom I adore. Their death is the furthest thing from my mind right now, even though I know that someday I too will have to say goodbye.

Tom, I weep as I type this. I am so very very sorry for your loss. Nipsy was a gift of love and light, and I am so happy I had a chance to see her, and understand what you meant when you said she was special.

May she rest in peace, and may your pain lessen as each day passes.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

coming along

getting more framing done.

And it's costing me a flipping arm and a leg.

some dude in westmount (should have known) was going to charge me 80$ a frame for a 12x16! Mat and glass.
C'est tout.

And he was an arrogant SOB.

I was about to weep away my woes into a tall laté when the colorful sign caught my eye - another framing shop across the street - next to the Starbucks
arc en ciel

which means rainbow in French

and there was a pot of gold inside...

Better prices, better service and better energy.

So I left my babies behind, walked out and took a huge breath -

in goes faith, out goes fear

and I came home to see that my bill for the b.cards and p.cards is going to amount to $500.

YIKES!

but as E said: "How many people do you know have a solo show in NYC?"

True.

A week on a beach in Cuba would have been nice, but unless Castro kicks the communist bucket, that beautiful country will still be around next year.



Tuesday, March 13, 2007

My tickle tests

It's not that I believe these tests, I just find it amusing to see what a computer program and its tabulations has made of 'me'.


The Classic IQ Test
- Word Warrior

What's Your Comfort Zone? Mover 'n' Shaker
What's Your Best Quality? Creative
What Zodiac Sign Should You Be Scorpio
What's Your Sense of Humor? Goofy Humor
How Bright Is Your Aura? White
The 5-Factor IPIP Personality Personable
What's Your Superpower? Communication

do salami on charles

More spam-a-lam-found-prose.


(I'm stressing too much now. I'm supposed to go into work 2mrw and pick up slack that somebody has left stewing for two days... Grrrrr. I won't be very pretty tommorow...)


trauma uncertain
And there appears to be a grown man calling himself 'Boo' in the game ,

Achieve Your Purpose in Life
probable to relieve pain. This is called tolerance to the medicine

Bill says we're out to outlaw Christmas.
Your Ticket to Success

long-term midriff

I will try to update this more often.

ambiguously
incoming

prospect
We won the Cross county by a mile.
After 15 minutes the chairman of the council said, We must erect this sculpture.
But those divisions also cross party lines.
If not, you should probably read it first.

consecrate
incubation period competence
scrappy
rejoicing grunge

Ernesto Mcfarland is digital
below exemplary

Are You Truly Beautiful?
by zero
it is democracy
nauseated because of
rueful

registration roulette
Find the Right Path

Stepping-Stones to Success
you go uncouth
The quicklime on ingrown

New comment on In my ears this week.
characteristic capsules all over the world
indulge vacation conservative

cellulose stockpile
Jesse medication all over the planet!

In logo colombo

do salami on charles
do sports

Monday, March 12, 2007

My graceful exit


My graceful exit
Originally uploaded by hellophotokitty.
I'm going to be very busy over the next few weeks.
I've stressed myself so much that I'm going to the hospital demain - might be walking pneumonia or something else.

These damm ovaries are acting up as well...

I'm hoping it's nothing serious, and if it is, it can be corrected quickly with minimum side effects.

So I will make my graceful exit, and hopefully return refreshed, rejuvinated and another year older, and wiser...

you have earned your wings
now go out and fly...

still

still

sick
worried
weak
God-fearing
paranoid
scared
wanting
confused


still


doubting
lost
hungry
wondering



still


hoping
deciding
expecting
forgiving
deceiving
lying
running
grieving


closed for business
open for business


still bankrupt
still spent
still drained

endless movement and noise can never


still


me

Friday, March 09, 2007

how it all started

in roughly two weeks from now, I'll be having my first solo exhibition in new york city.

my first solo expo - anywhere.
And it happens to be in new york

correction: I made it possible to be in New York...

This was an email I sent to the manager of Madame X, and her reply follows.

I can't believe this is actually going to happen (well, knock on wood and pray like hell).

And just to think, it was a year in October when I made my way to New York for the first time, and when I drove by Madame X (and almost crashed Kit's car in the process...)



Monday, July 24, 2006 12:22 PM

Hi Karen,
I don't know if you got my phone message last week - I had spoken with Amy a little while ago and she told me to speak with you about the logistics of putting on a show - times, space etc. She also mentioned about the 'promotional logistics' to me, which I am totally okay with. That is why I was wondering if you had anything in the spring available - april would be the best (I don't know if I mentioned it to you, but the 4th is my birthday and that would be the most memorable birthday of my life!!!) if it's at all possible, and the other main reason being that it would give me enough time to put together some press kits and promo material to be able to distribute to the local galleries, dealers, papers etc.


I don't want to do a rush job seeing as I want this event to be special, and at this point, my graphic designer is booked up until late October.

I hope you understand where I'm coming from, and that this does not put my potential exhibition in jeopardy :-(

I will be free at the end of the week, so if you would like to contact me during the day, I should be home.

Hope to talk to you soon, and have a great week.

K





Tue, 25 Jul 2006 23:59:32 -0400
K,

I would love to have you do a show at Madame X and next spring would be fine. I do have some concern about the logistics because you are so far away. Would it be possible to speak by phone? (I do not have daily access to my e-mail.) You said you are available later in the week. A good time for me to talk would be this Thursday, late afternoon. Is 2 or 3pm on the 27th good for you? E-mail me your phone number & I can call you then.

If that's not convenient, just send me an e-mail and we'll work out another time.

And don't worry, I do understand where you are coming from. The way I see it, you are a professional who is willing to do the necessary work to make your show memorable. That will hardly jeopardize your having an exhibit with us.

I look forward to hearing from you.

-Karen

Thursday, March 08, 2007

And the skies tell me...

Aries forecast for Thursday, March 8, 2007

You may feel as if you are standing at the edge of something new. You could, in fact, begin a most exciting venture now, for you have a good feeling about what is happening and you are ready to play your part. Be as adventurous as you wish. It's time to live outside the constraints of negativity and have yourself some fun.

I feel as if I am standing on the edge of a very high building and I'm about to toss my biscuits.

I'm so stressed right now - the show is going up soon, and the wheels are in motion.
Sent the prints out today to the lab.

(hell - if I can't show myself to the lab technicians, how do I expect to show it to the public?)
well, New York is New York and not the small village this city is.

And old war vet buddy of mine has stepped up to the plate to help me design the postcard/buisness cards. Thank God for my boobalah!

We worked together when I was a medical photographer. We were both abused there, but he is stronger than I am. He's been in that relationship for 10 + years! But then again, they have a really good dental plan and pension...

Off to photoshop some more images and create a press kit.

time to have some more fun!!

Monday, March 05, 2007

Shadows of a film noir...

A teaser from the night at the Leeland hotel in Detroit...

I've been too sick to follow up with part 2 of the story, so I'm adding some pictures to stir the pot...

The ban has been lifted!

and so the ban on my flickr account has been lifted!!!
Yea!!

But why am I not so thrilled?

It's one step into the direction of bowing to the censorship kerfuffle of big brother Yahoo.
People who have been NISPA (not intended suitable in some public areas) means that either they've shown too much breast or butt. Funny, I've seen people who's streams consist of nothing but T&A and nothing has happened to them! Go figure.

Luck of the draw.
There are so many out there, I was just one of the unlucky few.

And go figure - I was one of the whistle blowers - reporting the hard core porn that ran rampant on that site, and that's the thanks I get! NISPA'D!

NISPA'd also means that you're not searchable - if somebody types in my name, they won't be able to find me. I have a general "block' on my stuff.

And why should I care?

I honestly can't give you an answer to that, and I don't even know why I wanted to be un NISPA'd.

This damn cold is clouding my judgment.

Still sick after two weeks - now going onto three.

Time is beginning to tick away - countdown to Madame X exhibition.

Am I nervous?

Holy crap yea.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

could not come too soon

I received another testimonial on flickr today.
It will take a few hours for it to go 'live' but had to document the joyous moment here first.

Photography is a self-centered guilty pleasure. Aside from the odd assignment, I often take pictures for myself, and often (well, not too much latley) of myself, but when a photo is able to reach out, strike a chord with somebody, change their life in the most minute way, I feel as if my quest to pursue photography as a life path is not in vain.

which reminds me - the vernisage for the McGill 'diversity' show is tonight. It would have been a good thing for me to be there, talk about my 'blue' series, but I'm still too sick. The farthest I'm going to make it is the medical clinic a few metro stops away. But I'll be able to hang out with the organizers during my lunch break - answer any questions first hand as people walk by: students, profs, workers around the university.

Insomniac_Goddess says: "HPK is a constant inspiration. A keen eye for natural and architectural beauty, the human form, and an ability to render emotion and ring it out of every pixel. Her work is often a reminder that it is the journey, not the destination, that counts. I'm so grateful to have been introduced to her and her work and wish her the best of luck in all her endeavors. Muah! :)"

that really makes my day...