whaaa??

I'm always floored when people say they like my art. I mean, people who say they really like my art. Not just because the pictures are pretty, the colors are harmonious, faces are attractive or subject matter is witty. But people who are artists themselves, who use art as a vehicle for communication, expression, living.

A fellow artist reached out to me the other day. Saw my photos on Saatchi Online and wanted to send me an email.

I was checking my messages on Saatchi and saw your thumbnail. So I ventured over to your site and I love what you do. Its some really great stuff and I know what little relief, confirmation, or whatever other reaction that comes from someones mere recognition of your work, but I felt that you at least deserve that. I love the portraits and your film.




Wow.


I mean wow!


I was completely blown away. 


And that was only a portion of some of the other messages i received over the past few days...


This was all hot on the heels of a few weeks ago when a publishing house from Jakarta found three of my images online and wanted to put them in their next book of "upcoming and important art". There was a catch - to buy the book was 100$ US (200$ retail), but it was not mandatory to be a part of it. The royalties are bird poop, but to know that this book will be circulating all through Asia is quite an eye opener. Who knows what will happen, who will see my work. The important thing is that it's getting out there. FINALLY. On the wings of a prayer and pixel, things might just be looking up.


I was all about to toss my camera away. Relegate it to the halls of silent sewing machines and miscellanies of cloistered craft kits. The dead zone of artistic endeavors started with good intentions, but now fated to become relics for future generations. 




I had one last hope. One last whim as a "photographer" - to submit to a high gloss fashion magazine. "What do I have to lose? No stamps involved in cybermail !"


Well, off it went. And to bed was I to go. But seven minutes after the initial whoosh sound from my outbox, came a delicate "bing!"


Oh, crap. It bounced.
Was my first thought. Now I know that I have to modify my first thoughts from constantly being negative to perhaps being optimistic!




Note to self. 
Make a note of this...


WOW!! The first one rocks!!! The second is grand and if we place these, I want to make sure there is a full message. do you have more to look at?? Can't wait!


why, yes, as a matter of fact, I do!


and so off it went, batch # 2, and then 3, and 4.


What did I get back?
Well, the universe rewarded me with this one:


You have such a lovely perspective on your art. I went through your images and there are so many I really loved. I would love to see a mix of some for you to submit if you are down with that. I will go through them and post them and if you are into it, please send images by following the image submission form. I can't believe the talent the body painter has! WOW! HOLY SEEEEEEETTTTT!!!


whaaaaattt!?!??


Really?!!


This magazine kicks serious ass. I mean, really serious ass. It was a submission on a whim. Never even thought i'd get a second look cause the quality is beyond top notch, it's stellar. And me with my little self portraits looking all moody and stuff.. 


But it was not 10 minutes after this email I got another.

Some other gallery owner personally took the time to email me to notify me of an "art competition i should know about". He, an art collector, was online and found my site. "We look forward to viewing your submissions".

whaaaaattt!?!??

Floored. 

It was all i could do to not jump around the house like a child on Christmas morning.

two days after, a new connection with a fellow flickr-er.

I loved her work. It spoke to me, and apparently, mine did to her as well...

You know, i was actually timid about making you a contact.... I thought you'd find my work.. I don't know... overdone of bland...

So for two years, i've followed your work, where i saw it in groups, but never felt i should join in the parade of your followers.

I regret that, now *s

Holy sheeeeet.

Was this the universe hammering me in the head - shouting at me: "DON'T DO IT! KEEP YOUR CAMERA!! KEEP ON GOING!!"

well, whatever it was, is, will be, it's working. And I'm so very thankful of every day that my work travels over millions of miles of network cables, through the air, and into the eyes and minds of those who choose to see.

Thank you universe.

Thank you God.

Thank me.

Thank you :-)

5am...

just finished a marathon photo correction session.

The Japanese client job went well. Lots of work in that one, but I'm tracking the UPS shipments to Atlanta and Japan. 4:15am, they left Louisville Kentucky and are on their way to their final destination.

Yesterday, or was it the day before? Gah, i don't even remember, I had another job. A friend actually. Her magazine turned 10 and her regular photographer canceled. So I came to the rescue. But that also meant lots of photoshop work to follow.

It's 5am and i just finished the whole thing.

I needed to finish it. Feel like something bigger is coming my way and need to free up some creative time.

Speaking of creative, nah, this first...

I was thinking to myself: I need to find a good astrologer in the city. I need to find out what the planets have in store for me. I need to be prepared, find guidance and stable footing. Need to get a path, so that way i can try to walk a straight line with some purpose and level of determination.

Well, guess what? I was taking my walk to send my packaged and along the way i see this little sign - astrology, and vhitu and feng shui. Wild.

On my way back i knock on the door. A little round indian lady with henna stained hands smiled when she saw me.

"Yes, can i help you?"

Asked her about the astrology, apparently it's her husband who does it. She disappeared into the invisible curtain of curry that separated me from her world and came back with a colorful card. Vishnu dancing next to a cell phone number.

"It's very busy now. U will call to make an appointment?"

"Yes indeed. How much does your husband charge?"

"Ohh that depends. Best you call him."

and so i will today, or whenever i plan to get up if i do decide to fall asleep now.

Rain on my window and david sylvian on the itunes.

He always makes me think of rain.

when it all comes together sometimes...

today, i had planned to see an art expo. An old friend of mine now has a gallery (and oddly enough, a few doors down from the last amazing show I saw last week, and even more bizarre, in the same spot where i worked in a photography gallery almost 10 years ago. Weird..) and had contacted him about stopping by.

When i looked to see who the artist was, i was blown away. Dita Kubin - a brilliant beautiful photographer who's show was all about self portraits. Well, i was not ready for what i would see that night. It was one of the most pleasant life path affirming surprised i had in a long time.

Well, not so long ago.

This morning while waiting for my doctor, i picked up the august edition of Vogue that was just lying around. I flipped through the pages of the "powerful women over 40" issue and said to myself: "yea, if that were only me..."

but what really blew me away, in the light of the whole "self portrait" bender i have been on, telling everybody who will listen that i am re-igniting my pilot light for my documentary about self portraiture, i flip to the center of the mag, past Christy Turlington who looks sinfully beautiful at 41, to the women of 50; and low and behold, a glorious shot of the queen of self portraiture. SImply put - my inspiration, and who got me into this s.p kick - Cindy Sherman.

I almost fell onto the floor.

The whole article talked about how now that she's 55 (she looks like she's 30), the way she is approaching self portraiture is different because she has aged and matured. Giving a new angle to the many visages she steps into. I felt relieved and rejuvenated simultaneously.

It's as if i had asked the universe: "where the fuck am i going with this stuff? Where should i even begin to look!?" and there, as plain as day and as black and white on the pages of this magazine, the woman who moved me so completely that it changed the course of my photography forever. Cindy Sherman.

wow.

Talk about synchronicity.

And the week before, just happened to receive an email about 2Fik's show, without knowing that he was also a self portrait artist, and also today, seeing that my photo that i submitted to "Book about death" had made it onto facebook.

I know, some people might be saying: "n'ya. Small beans that facebook..." but I am #400 in the entries - out of 500. I like round numbers...

but still.

I feel good.

and despite the next little march up the hill of ill health and uncertainty (mom starts her methotrexate, which she is dreading like the plague, and then my switch/upping of my anti depressants, it can start to get ugly and insane; but something is being laid down in the big law of the universe. Soon, this path, a dirt road, will find the materials it needs to become paved.

one stretch of road at a time.

At least now, I know that other people are waiting to go somewhere on it.

If i build it, they will come.

one scoop of asphalt at a time.