slowly but surely I'm hobbling along.
Seeing an internist (hopefully soon).
Going to a "pain clinic" for therapy.
have lost some friends during this time. Seems like some people do not do well with illness - other people's that is.
fuck em.
didn't need them then, don't need them now.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Friday, May 07, 2010
a solar system of nightmares and hope
i have little energy to spare these days, but i feel a detailed account of my experiences is necessary for the healing process. I can talk faster than i can type, but i can type faster than i can write, so typing it is, for now...
shock:
upon hearing that the money for your last MRI scan was money that was going to pay the rent...
shock:
having to go to the ER AGAIN just days after the surgery.
I would rather have died than go back again, but either way, one would have led to the other eventually if i did nothing...
shock:
despite my desperate yelps of pain, and being high on the triage list (the top was 1 - car accidents and heart attacks, I was 2) I still had to wait three hours to be seen by somebody.
shock:
watching your wife/daughter go into shock full body shock and a nano second away from passing out from the excruciating pain that came after what was supposed to be a routine examination.
shock:
waiting two hours for my morphine drip, despite me almost passing out again from the pain, pleading for help and having the doctor run around playing cat and mouse to find the nurse.
shock:
hearing the doctors say: "we can't find anything that might be causing you this excruciating pain, and we are sorry for your suffering. It really must be horrible..."
I was not let go without a psych evaluation from the emergency Psych team on call.
The last doctor (#20 to date), was worried for my personal safety as she saw the level of distress and pain in my eyes.
I too am worried for my safety.
but what keeps me going are the only two people who mean the world to me, who would do anything and everything for me, and are my only world right now.
Mother Sun and Husband Moon.
Their orbit is what keeps me from spiraling out of control into the blackness and emptiness of space and insanity.
shock:
upon hearing that the money for your last MRI scan was money that was going to pay the rent...
shock:
having to go to the ER AGAIN just days after the surgery.
I would rather have died than go back again, but either way, one would have led to the other eventually if i did nothing...
shock:
despite my desperate yelps of pain, and being high on the triage list (the top was 1 - car accidents and heart attacks, I was 2) I still had to wait three hours to be seen by somebody.
shock:
watching your wife/daughter go into shock full body shock and a nano second away from passing out from the excruciating pain that came after what was supposed to be a routine examination.
shock:
waiting two hours for my morphine drip, despite me almost passing out again from the pain, pleading for help and having the doctor run around playing cat and mouse to find the nurse.
shock:
hearing the doctors say: "we can't find anything that might be causing you this excruciating pain, and we are sorry for your suffering. It really must be horrible..."
I was not let go without a psych evaluation from the emergency Psych team on call.
The last doctor (#20 to date), was worried for my personal safety as she saw the level of distress and pain in my eyes.
I too am worried for my safety.
but what keeps me going are the only two people who mean the world to me, who would do anything and everything for me, and are my only world right now.
Mother Sun and Husband Moon.
Their orbit is what keeps me from spiraling out of control into the blackness and emptiness of space and insanity.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
24 hours
155 hours after the operation, HPK was in the emergency ward, and after an intense 24 hours, today HPK is back home from the emergency ward and will be back in a few days to post.
(E)
(E)
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)