“The madness of depression is the antithesis of violence. It is a storm indeed, but a storm of murk. Soon evident are the slowed-down responses, near paralysis, psychic energy throttled back close to zero. Ultimately, the body is affected and feels sapped, drained.”*
This feeling is compounded by so many things - physical illness, psychic exhaustion, impending financial ruin - all arriving at the same time in one cataclysmic meltdown inside my head. I often wonder if this next emotional earthquake will be the one that sends me into the ocean of oblivion. I've been there before - on the precipice of madness, but almost four decades of struggling have finally begun to erode my grasp on hope and faith. Not even the complex chemical brain boosts in multi colored pills seem to help anymore.
Oscillating between two extremes, my soul rests somewhere in the middle of this dark apex of a shaken existence. This past year has sucked the life out of me. Sink or swim - I wait for the calm in this storm.
I'll be back with the rest of my NYC trip when I find my equilibrium again.
Will miss you all.
*William Styron - author of his autobiography - Darkness Visible - a memoir of madness
If you know of anybody who suffers from depression, or you yourself suffer from it, I encourage you to read this book.
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