i need my space (wiggle room)

Ralph's is Heavenly
Originally uploaded by lorenzodom.

Thank you Lorenzodom for this beautiful photo, and the wonderful passage that he wrote for it.
Don't be afraid of emptiness - strive for it instead. for less is more, it really is. space, both physical and mental, gives one room to breath, to think, to create, and conceive. for emptiness, if anything, is clarity, and is often the optimal state of being which is conducive to enlightenment and inspiration.

solitary activities, such as running, writing, meditation, or even bathing, often serve as great catalysts for creativity.Artistss, philosophers, scientists and gurus, all know that solitude is the sine qua non of not only creation, discovery and epiphany, but perhaps most importantly, the personal means to their salvation.

I spent a few days alone in the house. My man was away on business. Usually, I go stir crazy, trying to squeeze 1000 things I have wanting to do in a few hours when he leaves - I mean, I can use the vacuum cleaner as a military tank - zooming around the house like a kamikazi pilot, taking out dustballs and other small things that get in my way, without having to disturb him, or make him move 50 different places because every time he sits down, I have discovered a new place to spot clean. I know that I can get completely annoying, and I need to have that time to be insane by myself. I know that it does him good to be out of the range of fire as well.

Some people hate to be alone - they fear and dread those moments, and desperately try to fill up their time with other people. I personally, love it. I love to travel on my own, eat in restaurants on my own, see movies and concerts by myself. That doesn't mean I am a loner - actually the opposite! I think I am so sociable that it's a handicap. But when the night winds down, it's past midnight, sitting at my computer to write, it's wonderful to be able to turn on the stereo, dance a little dance, chill out with some candles and Jamaicann rum and ramble off ideas to myself.

I love talking to myself when I am alone. I have found out that I am my own best company! I laugh at my own jokes, I listen when I talk, I don't butt in on my own conversations, and I can understand ME! I think my appreciation of solitude and alone time comes from being an only child. I always had a vivid imagination, so friends or no friends, toys or no toys, I was able to make fun wherever I went - and nobody argued with me!

So he is home tonight. Out cold in a deep deep sleep. He stirss when I come into the bed - the mattress shifting wakes him up.

Why were you up so late? he mumbles, eyes trying to adjust to the glow of the clock.

I just wanted to write some stuff.

You have all day to do that.

but it's not the same. At night, there is a peace in the house - your energies, the cat's energies and the outside world pauses for a little while - slows down to a halt. I like to spend some time in those quiet moments, alone.

I have to say that being alone does not mean being lonelyy.

If you have never gone to a restaurant by yourself, I suggest you start small. Starbucks or McDonalds are a non threatening environment. And when you get real good - you can reserve a table for one in a fancy restaurant, order some chardonnay and sip it by candlelight and know that you have just made a huge step in getting to be happy being alone with yourself.

More relevant astro ca-ca

I hate having to refer to these astrological predictions, but these are just TOOO CREEPY especially in the light of what has been happening in the past few weeks, days and what is on the roster re: me going to New York city, taking a scriptwriting course, meeting up with an old contact who works at a government agency that is in charge of funding Canadian filmmakers (who said he would be more than happy to read my script...)

ouf.

Life really is stranger than fiction!

This week for Aries

Mars is standing still in the sky, hovering around a sensitive spot in the celestial sphere, close to a star called Zaurak. The name means 'boat' and people whose birth charts contain strong links to this heavenly body, often have phases when they feel 'all at sea'. You are now being temporarily touched by this influence which explains why you feel as if so much is floating around without direction. Actually, though, you are in the process of making a great journey - one which will eventually lead you to the safe shore of a more secure future. Don't fear or resent an apparent lack of progress. Sooner than you think you will be sailing to success.

!!!!!!!!

And for an apparently gloomy Monday - today's forecast is as follows:

Even if you are not sure where you are going, you want to get there as fast as you can. Nothing seems to be happening fast enough. For a person like you, who values actions more than words, that is frustrating. You had better get used to it. For a few days to come, little may alter. Something big is about to happen. It will bring lasting, positive change, once it occurs. There is little you can do, though, to hurry this process other than to be relaxed, trusting and keep yourself gainfully occupied whilst a little more time passes by.

!!!!!!!

I'll keep you posted...

OMG!!!!!!!

I got this about an hour ago.
I am still reeling!

It's grey, rainy and damp outside but I woke up this morning earlier than normal. There was something pressing to do, learn, read, experience (and no, it was not my bladder...)

There was an awards ceremony last night. Charlotte emailed me last minute and asked me if I wanted to go. I was being a mole - curled up on the couch, box of Kleenex, my allergies and an hour of The Simpsons and Family Guy back to back. I was in no mood to go out.

I woke up this morning and I had a funny feeling - there was something. I could not put my finger on it. Things are starting to stir, motion, movement, a whole lotta shakin going on...

Then I opened my email and this is what was in my inbox:


Well it is too bad none of you could make it, but Alex and I were there and here is a summary of the night:

Most Notable Promotion and Publicity campaign
Nominated: Dum Blond Productions / Sex and la Cité and a few others
Winner : Dum Blond Productions / Sex and la Cité
Yeahhhhhhhh!

Best featured (non-lead) actor in a play
nominated: Peter K (Gino and drag queeextraordinairere)
Winner: some other guy, who cares, Peter's the best in our books

Best Performance by an ensemble cast in English
Nominated: Dum Blond Productions / Sex and la Cité
Winner: Dum Blond Productions / Sex and la Cité

Woohoooo!

We did it! You should all be very proud!!!!

Wish you guys were there to enjoy these moments with us. It was a rush.
and just as an added fun note. Davyn, the organizer said to me, that he was getting calls for our show all week, from people wanting to see it, he even got calls today. Awesome, we haven't exhausted our audience yet and hopefully we will get another chance to do our stuff.
that's all for now, updates next week

P&A

I wrote an email to a friend of mine - joked that:
a) it seems like we are as successful as the tv show
b) are the next Rocky Horror Picture Show -but for the modern 30something crowd

A year ago I never would have thought this would ever happen.
NEVER!

And last year, I said that this would be the summer to change my life?
Well - presto!
lol

Woke up late, really late, cleaned like a fiend.
Serious shit for serious dirt.

I was so peaceful here, things were quiet aside from the cats screaming for attention. I cooked, washed dishes, did the laundry and chilled watching the Simpsons and Family Guy. It was good, but I am feeling down.

PMS? I missed my period for this month - but stress can do that to me, and so can putting on the poundz.

Weary, happy, exhausted and wondering - all this bla bla bla.

I am trying to calm the Trojan army in my head.
the natives are restless
I am slowing down - I knew that after the play and all the other whoopala, I would dribble down the side of the high life.

trying to talk to myself and be safe inside
while it gets damp and grey outside.

I think I am going to take a nice hot soak, drink some wonderful warm rum and cinnamon tea, chill out to a boring movie until I fall asleep in front of the TV.

Funny, one of my x's always used to say - the TV is watching me sleeping, not me watching it...

WTF?

WTF?
Originally uploaded by brokenface.

I laughed so hard when I first saw this, then I began to think, wonder, and feel bad that I laughed so hard at it. Then I walked away, and a few hours later, I did the same thing all over again.

Am I the only one that this is happening to???!!

Sex and La Cité after party

Sex and La Cité after party
Originally uploaded by hellophotokitty.

So this was us after our 1st show at the infamous Chez Mado - Charlotte, Me and Samantha! We were having such a wonderful time!

And would'nt you know it...

It made one year ago this month that I went to chez mado for the first time with one of my friends. I remember saying: 'this place is too wacky, I am going to have to include it into my next film! "

Who would have guessed that a show that managed to sell out (now 13 out of 14 shows in the past 3 months!!) would be something that would come first before my film...

Never in a million years!!
lol

Chez Mado!!

So this was it!The accumulation of all those months of work.
We were actually at Chez Mado! Putting on a play that took place in the place that I had envisioned almost a year ago.

does that make sense?
I don't know, and at this point in my drunken state, frankly, I don't even care!!!

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


A year ago this month, a friend of mine took me to Chez Mado because he designed a hat for Mado (the owner and Diva for the Club) and I was there to document it. I took photos of the place and was so taken back by the insanity of how many people - gay, straight, transgender, bisexual, curious had come to see glamorous drag queens strut their stuff! It was amazing! old people - young people - you name it! It was a real cornucopia of individuals gathering in the name of fun. I was amazed.

And in the back of my head I said - one day, I will put this into a movie!!

And low and behold, a few months later - the play - Sex and La Cite was born!!

And here we are - full circle again - and we are actually performing at the club I had envisioned it would one day play in!!

Oh Dr. Phil and Dr. Dyer - the power of intention is a powerful thing!!!


*****

The show was a smash! Sold out crowd and a rowdy one at that. They laughed at all the ribald references and crazy antics, they cheered and giggled at all the right places. It made me smile - backstage, cramped and teetering precariously on steep steps that lead to a drag queen's lair below. Derek (Pascal) said - hpk - when I hear the audience laugh, I think of you - YOU were the one that wrote this! You are the one who is responsible for making them laugh!!


And I thought about that, let it sink in a minute and smiled.

yea, it was me!!

teee heee heeee!!!!

******


Our original Steve is in New York city on an acting scholarship - it was sad because he was sooo Steve, but I have to give Khris credit - he had huge shoes to fill, and did an AMAZING job! He was great, and won the hearts of the audience at each show. And we all welcomed him into our SALC family.


This group is really a wonderful thing.

I don't think I ever want to let it die - we came together for so many bizarre reasons and for many of them, there are absolutely no explanations, except the fact that we have all made a wonderful piece of theater that has touched quite literally hundreds and hundreds of people.

Sigh.

I am so tipsy, craving some serious starch, fending off the PMS monster and now transferring the images that were taken tonight in our crazy ass celebration (which I will post when I am sober) and it's all wonderful!!

I can't stop thanking the universe, and God above for bringing me to this point in my life - where synchronicity goes beyond the realm of explanation, beyond the realm of 'this is just coincidental' and into the land of you know, this might really have been something that was meant to happen.

I am so thankful that I have been able to have this experience in my life.

I know that when I am 50 and will look back on these events, I will have a huge smile on my face and say:
Yea, those were some wacky and wild Sienfeld-esque times..."


:-)

xooxo

Chiquita Azul - the club life

Chiquita Azul - the club life
Originally uploaded by hellophotokitty.

This is the kind of work that I am doing latley...

Taking photos of people having fun in a club!!

So it's offical - I am the club photographer, and might even have other spin off jobs as well. Several promoters who were at the club that night wanted to see my work, I sent it to them and they fell in love with my stuff. I am really excited and think that my winter just might be a busy one!!!

The play is being put on again this week! Three shows. For one of them, we have sold 200 out of 250 tickets.

I would just die if we ended up selling out all the shows!

I would be a happy woman indeed!!

I will write more soon when things get back to normal!!
xooxo

Astro creepy

Here we go again...

This guy's stuff creeps me out!!


ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Don't be too sensitive and don't be too numb, either. You are going through important, powerful, changes. You are learning something about the true extent of your ability to change the world around you. You are discovering how, in one way, you can do more than you ever dreamed possible. Yet, in another, you are frustratingly, disappointingly, restricted. How big a problem does this have to be? As big as you choose to allow it to be. Focus now on the positive thing you can do. And the rest will take care of itself.


So interesting.

Today was my last session with my CBT therapist. It was kinda sad. I had grown to really like her and her fantastic insight and her way of making me look at how silly all my negative assumptions about myself were.

I am afraid I will lapse back into my old bad habits - thinking and being pessimistic, that I might fall into a depression again...

Well you have done all the works on yourself so far, I have just been here to guide you. You should be proud of your achievements. I am proud of you and know you will be alright. You have all the tools at your disposal.

So on this rainy day, I stepped out into the city streets, with my silly rubber boots and found the first big puddle and landed into it with both feet simultaneously.

That big puddle was not so big afterall.