The phonecall we never want to get...

The phone call we never want to get...

"now this is the time that CBT and all it's wonderful principles will be put to the test"

My mom's words after she called me to say that her doctor said she had melanoma. The apparent cyst on her shoulder was cancerous - a stage 4 - deep into the skin. They are not sure if it's spread to her lymph nodes or anywhere else for that matter.

"we just have to take one day at a time and think positive."

I wonder how much of that is positive thinking and which part is her just trying to block things out. I wonder if she really believes what she is saying or if she is just saying it to calm herself and everybody else. I wonder if and wish that CBT really does work for her - all that she has learned, read about, practiced. I know that it will test my strength and faith in this therapy.

I'm a little bit numb right now.

My best friend said: it's the lack of information that makes us start spinning - our mind begins to try to fill in the gaps, and does so with all the wrong things - paranoia, fear, hopelessness - these horrible negative things.

I think we add negative thoughts because as a child, we were taught - always expect the worst.

Northern European guilt complex - and I think it must be genetic...

Les Etoiles

Les Etoiles
Originally uploaded by hellophotokitty.

Ahh, NYC. The place I want to be...

I have fallen in love with that city!!!
I was just fooling around in photoshop and came up with this. I thought it was fun - so I share it with you - my readers. Enjoy ;-)

If you don't like it, don't read it!

And to the anonymous poster who said:

Maybe you could take your ass to the show and see for yourself what might be the clue of a depilatory mode. Or maybe using a good TV show title as a personal blog is the sign of a lack of substance and culture!!!


Well, everybody is welcome to their opinion, but if you don't like this blog and find it so objectionable, why read it? Why bother??

And then it became obvious...

So much has happened since my last post that I don't know where to begin!!
And it's almost 3fucken am and I have a doctors appointement 2mrw at 9, so that means up and outa here at 8ish.

I wont even begin to caluclate how many hours of sleep that's not!

So in a nutshell...

Had a big spirtiual discussion with my bro (QUEREBES...lol )- he played BIG in the Sex and La Cite play) on Sunday. We talked about so much and I think our conversation was enlighting for both of us in so many ways. I know he is an old soul and that we have walked this path together before. We both decided that taking the leap into the next step towards what we want (both film junkies and addicts who want to be behind and in front of the camera) and not look back, have no regrets and push through all the roadblocks, landmines and shitty party poopers that will try to hinder our progress.

My other bro - he was the one that played Steve in the play, and I had a big talk last Friday about the same things. Follow those omens that keep on popping up !! they are telling you something, you just have to listen to them!

And he was so right.

Looking back on this past week, there were quite literally times when I asked a quesiton out loud (when nobody else was around) and that same day (sometimes within minutes), I would get an answer. I mean strange thing that would happen - a song that is NEVER played on the raido, a misplaced article symbolic of the quesiton would magically appear - all the time!!


The one that still freaks me out to no end was when I found a card on the steps of Port Authority Buss Terminal on my first day in NYC.

I was just wheeling out my luggage, said bye to my new friend, watched as she hailed a cab and sped off, and as I began to get in line to get my cab, there, on the floor was a playing card face down. I picked it up, turned it over and it was a 2 of hearts. Out of all places, of all thigns to find...??!?!

DId I mention about the song I heard in central park while I was sitting down, contemplating if I would be able to swim with the sharks in the big apple?

Did I mention that this little old man who rode by with a boom box straped to the back of the bike passed right by me as the lyrics of the song went:
if I can make it here, I'll make it anywhere - it's up to you, New York, New York!!!

Did I mention that I almost had a heart attack on the spot? that I almsot choked on my dry and stale NY salty pretzel?!

Now how wild is that?!?

More conincidences to write about but I must get some sleep first, because if I don't, a MAC truck could sideswipe me with a huge sign wiht an invitation to work and live in NYC, signed by president Bush, and I still would'nt notice it...

(shitty blogger spell checker!)

OH YEA!!
I turned down the play...

I felt in my gut it was the right thing to do.
now I wait to see what else will pop up in its place!

Are we up for a sequel to the spoof of an original?

Well, I am confronted with a little bit of a dilemma.

The producer and director of Sex and La Cité have approached me and asked me if I wanted to do part 2.

Now I have my reservations about this.

How strange that I wrote in the beginning of the Carrie sequence "can a sequel ever be as good as the original?"

a) we had a great first run - 14 sold out shows out of 14, in the last festival we were in, we were the top grossing act in the whole thing, but a knock-off is a knock off and we got away with it once, can we get away with it again?

b) recycling - I am all for it, but stage characters are not like plastic and don't do well a second time around, unless you are like Neil Simon or something, taking a spoof and spoofing it to the second degree is not always the best thing to do.

c) my gut is telling me to bail out before all hell breaks lose and I am in above my head with this.

I mean, the ideas are funny - carrie gets married to Big in an insane wedding, Miranda finds out that Stevee is a cross-dresser and likes it, Samatha and Smith become more -Quebecois (down home country type of folk) andCharlottee and her hubby are off doing some thing or other neurotic. The ideas are good, I admit, but at the same time, I FEEL that the only people who will come to see this show are people who know about sex and the city, and came to see our play the first time around.

d) not all the original cast members will be there. We are missing Steve (who was BRILLIANT but is now in NYC training for a real acting career) and one of the Drag Queens/Gino. He was priceless and I now that without him and Steve there, there will be a gap in the energy, which will advessley effect how the cast comes together. Sure, we can pull it off, but the magic will be gone.

I am at the point in my life where I want to take my photography to the next level. I have done another corporate video (for the Montreal tourist Bureau) and am getting alot of jobs lined up for casting photos. I have the chance to carve a niche market for myself, and know that this could be a nice calling card. And as fate would have it, I have met two very influentiall people in the movie biz over the weekend which might just open some previously closed huge steel doors.

e) I am not getting paid, well not right away...

It seems that there is not enough money in the coffers to pay me up front, so if the play makes money, I get a little slice. And I mean little.

It would be different if the play were a flop, I mean an abysmal stinker, but it wasn't!! It was a kick ass success beyond our wildest dreams! And to live up to that? To make something even better? Now that's a tough job. To make a sequel to a spoof of a tv series? Those are really gargantuan shoes to fill with Lilliputiann slippers.

f) my gut is screaming - RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!

Do I want to take the chance of tarnishing my name (which is now attached with "the writer of the smash play that took Montreal by storm.." ) with a sequel that is only lukewarm? As one of my best buddies said : You're only as good as your last film. And he is so right.

One botch up and everything you did previous doesn't exist in the critic's eyes.

Do I want to take that chance?

g) I will be sharing the writing credit with Charlotte.

I don't mind actually, she is great to collaborate with, but we only did so on one level. I wrote the back bone of the whole play. I had a complete vision and therefore was able to sit at my computer for 18 hour days and pound out that story. Yes, her and Samantha helped, but they came in, gave their ideas and then when home, whereas I was left to mix it all in and make sure that it all worked out swimmingly. I am so weary about the plan that would entail one woman write one scene, the other the next, then we'd meet in the middle and try to hash it all out. I have collaborated before, but not this way, and not in the time frame they are looking at.
We want to have the first rough draft before xmas..

And they told me this on Monday this past week!!!

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!??!?!?!?!?

Well, it's not like you are writing the whole thing, I am taking on half of the burden...

EVEN MORE REASON TO PANIC!!
Trying to hammer out one scene is something, two people with two different visions/styles trying to bring it all together? And to top that all off, I am only 1/3rd of the equation. I am almost automatically veto-ed out! Two women who have a stake in the company (both invested their $$) against me - the little old writer...??

And one of them is coasting comfortably on the money she made from the sale of her house, and the other is working full time. And me? Trying to start out my freelance life.

h) I am already pigeon holed as the Greek mother - again!!
And that is a bit part, but that would mean 5 months of rehearsals because I would have to be there for all the blocking , script changes etc. I did it last year because it was a labor of love, but this year??...

I am seriously on the fence about this one.
And I think now is the time I should speak up or forever be in a shithole and up a creek without a paddle -causee once you're in, you're in.

Ahh.
Now what!??

Is It Art?

Is it Art?
I don't know but it never ceases to amaze me how some people who call themselves "Artists" manage to get away with this crap!! And the place where this is being exhibited is no shabby location either!! For people like me, it's out of MY LEAGUE, so how this guy got his shit in, I have no clue and am even more convinced that there is no justice in the world and we are all taking the express train to hell where Tammy Faye Baker and John Tesh are the new Rock and Roll gods...

(and yes -my NEW YORK CITY STORIES ARE COMING SOON!!!!!!!)


HOW’S YOUR PUBES?

Waxing, shaving and plucking one’s pubic hair is the new branding... or so posits Éric Ladouceur. The local artist cynically figures that today’s young people express their identity through pubic grooming in that same way they do by sporting, say, a Nike or Puma logo on the outside of their trousers. With this in mind, Ladouceur drew a handful of clothes company logos that use animal shapes, glued pubic hair to them and termed his installation, Le règne animal. It’s at la Maison de la culture Frontenac (2550 Ontario E.) until Dec. 4.

I mean, c'mon, can somebody please give this guy a penny so he can buy a clue and get a normal hobby?!?!

one way is no way

one way is no way
Originally uploaded by hellophotokitty.

What to do!?
I got asked to do a sequel to my play "Sex and La Cite". I am on the fence about this one. I don't really know how I feel about it.

This is what my horiscope said yesterday - the day I had my meeting with Charlotte and Samantha...
Very creepy indeed...

Wednesday, 9th November 2005
Aries:

It's not that you can't see the wood for the trees. It's more that there are so many trees, that all look so similar. It's hard to be sure whether you are barking up the right tree or being distracted by other events in the forest. There's one thing that really matters now, everything else is a detail. You know this - and you are right. Others, though, have their own trunks, leaves and branches to attend to. And, understandably enough, their energy is being drawn in this direction. Respect their priorities, but honour yours too.

I am the light, I am the bridge - artist statement by Paige Bradley

I am the light, I am the bridge - artist statement by Paige Bradley
Originally uploaded by hellophotokitty.

A beautiful sculpture by Paige Bradley -a beautiful woman who I met in Brooklyn who's work moved me immensley. And the series of events that led up to and after that day are just amazing. All that in another post.

This was just too beautiful not to share!

Bradley’s waterfront luminary is called “Project: EXPANSION”. It is cast in bronze with over 1000 watts of light exploding through cracks in the sculpture.
***
From the moment we are born, the world tends to have a container already built for us to fit inside: A social security number, a gender, a race, a profession, an I.Q. Bradley’s work makes us ponder if we are more defined by the container we are in, than what we are inside. Would we recognize ourselves if we could expand beyond our bodies?

To be authentically ‘un-contained’ would we still be able to exist? Bradley’s figure has expanded beyond human flesh and nothing but brilliance exudes from the cracks. The work makes us think we could be looking directly at the figure’s soul.

The work leaves us with a dichotomy from the utter fragmented human shape. Has this figure fallen apart and needs piecing back together? Or is it just expanding beyond human limitations? When devastation becomes deliverance, then ashes from the past can become the foundations of the future.

Catch up catsup

GOD! I must put down all those crazy stories and coincidences that I had in NYC down before my brain melts!!
But this was just beyond funny, I had to post it. Sometimes those spontaneous memories are the best!!

This was from a post on flickr in a group that I was part of. I think it's called apocalyptic or Hell. Either one is appropriate...

Rot's Jello Biafra Story...(Missy, he was a loud mouthed politically astute punk rocker and lead singer of the Dead Kennedy's ,(Who I first thought were a Vancouver band, they played a show in Vancouver on Nov 22, 1979, which I didn't see as I was unhip in a punk sense then...) who later made politically incendiary spoken word recordings and appearances as well as music collaborations. He was charged with obscenity for including an HR Geiger poster in a Dead Kennedy's album and had to go through a fairly draining and expensive struggle to defend his free speech and creative freedom and keep his ass out of jail. He's a very articulate fellow with anti-aurthoritarian instincts, a long memory and a finely honed bullshit detector. I personally would rather hear him talk than sing....)

Around 88-89 he was making trips up to Vancouver (he's from the Bay Area I believe) to do spoken word shows and work with some of the punk bands here like DOA or NoMeansNo. My roomate at the time had his first spoken word album (the one that had "Why I'm Glad the Space Shuttle Blew Up" on it) and Jello did a talk at a small cinema on East Hastings which I attended. It was right at the time of the buildup to the first Iraq War and he was doing the "No Blood For Oil" spoken word pieces. It was preaching to the converted pretty much though, but it made a few participants wanna join the revolution right away...

Shortly after this I was at the Commodore Ballroom watching an old Vancouver punk band 'the Enigmas' do a rare reunion show and I turned around and there was Jello Biafra standing a few feet away.So I tapped him on the shoulder and said hi and that I admired his activist work and thanks etc. Well he was polite and all but it scared the shit out of him, to be recognized by a total stranger etc, after his 'persecution' for obscenity...

A friend of ours was doing volunteer work for Co-op Radio in those days and she had interviewed him for broadcast. When I told her of bumping into him she concurred and said that when she had met him; he'd always sit back to the wall facing the door. He was a little paranoid after his experiences with the authorities......

but remember it's only paranoia when they're not all out to carve your ass...

And my 'dear Diary' reply to that:

Dear Diary,
scrolled back to Rotcoddam post about the Dead Kennedys and remembers when I saw them in concert back in 1984 at a converted roller skating rink. I also remember my skinhead friend named Dave who was as big as a house but sweeter than a candy apple, and his friend Glenn, who let me touch his "DOA" mowhawk and when asked how he keeps it so stiff, he replied; "well, molasses works okay, eggwhites are the best, mix that with some Gel and it'll stay up for days."

These images also spawn another memory of me- 16 1/2 with my mother in Cape Cod, in some teeny tiny beachside town, walking into a music store and buying a DK Greatest Plastic Surgery Disasters/in God We Trust cd. The the look on some poor woman's face when she saw me chewing through the plastic to get to the goodies and asked: It seems like you really want to look at that cd! Who is it?And my reply, not realizing that we were not too far from the family motherhouse: "Oh! it's the Dead Kennedys! They are so great!"I thought she was going to have a heart attack. It was only after I got into the car and 20 minutes later I gasped with dread and laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants.

Over and out
(the terminal Preppie - HPK)