It's here again...
That lovely time of the month that makes me feel as if I am falling from a 100 story building with blocks of cement on my legs.

The time of month where everything seems like a lost cause and nothing is worth any effort.

Except, this feeling has been around a lot longer than usual.
I think of this time as the cayane pepper sprinkling of woe and desperation in my already stomach churning/too hot to digest weeks of indigestion.

Today, I feel as if all of what I have done up to now is just for shit - nothing. All of this work, effort, tears, and exhaustion has amounted up to zip. I am telling myself - face it, you're 38, unemployed, too many university degrees and almost 40000$ in debt with no sign of any of this getting better.

And this overwhelms me to the point that I feel as if I am suffocating.
I don't see any way out except - out.

But I am not as desperate as I was in my youth - I now know that there are alternate ways to snake around the rough spots - but are they feasible options? Skipping town, the country, changing my identity and starting from scratch? Is it worth it? Will I spend the rest of my life trying to salvage the shreds of this one, or would it be worth the effort to wipe the slate clean? Fuck that - toss the slate and get a new one?

What are the options?
Are there ever any real options?