LU

LU
Originally uploaded by pooyan.

I'm gonna meet her when I go to Toronto and we're gonna take a road trip to Detroit together.

This is gonna rock and roll...

Rest Not

Rest Not (square this time)
Originally uploaded by ♥Rebecca♥.

I met ♥Rebecca♥ years ago - we were fellow bloggers back in the day, and apparenlty it was I who turned her onto flickr.com.

This was the first image to be displayed when I opened my flickr page.

And oh what a fitting image and quote.

Thank you so very much ♥Rebecca♥.

I hope that one day you will have an idea as to just how important seeing this image right now has done for me...

thank you

Get well and don't go on any manic spending sprees...

This is just too much.

Speaking of bi-polar...

How would you preface sending this card?

Hope they take those restraints off you in time for Valentines's Day!

or

Get well and don't go on any manic spending sprees!!

I'm just calling it moi

I think I'm just gonna call this blog

moi

short
sweet
can be said in one word
in one grunt or moan

and hell, it's all about me anyway.

and as if Nora Ephron will ever read this...

more meds please!

We can increase your lamictal and keep you on the welbutrin and prozac

he says as he begins to fill out another prescription with a swanky cushy ergonomic pen with the name WELBUTRIN plastered across it...

I don't want to increase anything, I just want to decrease - no more adding meds. I think my body is fucked up enough, don't need to add to the mix.

Scrap me off the ceiling with a spatula and scramble me up for dinner - i'm all over the map, but I must say, some of my most interesting work has come from this time.


It's not hard to see why great artists lose their minds.

I look into that abyss with my camera each time I take it out for a spin...

on the cusp of a manic monday

Hmm
Why do I write?

Why do I write in this blog?
continue to do so even though not many (if any) read it?

I don't know.
And now that I'm beginning to peak again on these stupid meds, I find that this is the only therapy I have to let my fingers do the walking, and keep me out of trouble.

Was all over the map today.
Serious shit.

I knew that the PMS monster was around the corner, but now she has teeth.

I had to take a trazadone to calm me down. It worked alright. Almost put me to sleep. And not the good kind either - a 'feel hazy sick with a flu' sleepiness that weighs heavy on a body and mind that is ready to rumba.

Then I began to cry.

I have no clue - it just came pouring out while I was sending a 'thanks for contacting me" email to a friend of mine.

Then I had dinner.

Then I got even more anxious

then I watched America's funnies videos - had a laugh which I really needed, then went back to this stinking piece of machinery which lures me in until all hours of the night.

Addiction addiction
attention deficit disorder
shapes, colors, sounds

one big gigantic cerebral mishmash - very fattening indeed.

I am most upset by those two wenches who are relentless in their steadfastness that they are the sole creators of "sex and la cité". ShowBusiness breeds contempt and, in their case, stupidity and egomania.

It's sad because I really thought that we had a comedic chemistry which would bring us to great theatrical and sit-com heights.

Now I have to start all over again.
...

But at least I know that I'm the one with the writing prowess.
You can't base a successful movie or theater piece on one liners alone.

well, yes you can, but I refuse to pander or entertain people who have an I.Q less than a paper bag.


shitty shit shit.

And I don't care if you read this.
Good on you.
Maybe you will pick up some tips on how actually write something!

and another thing...

She

She
Originally uploaded by tabu.

I can relate so well to this image, especially now.
During this time in my life...

I think back to when I was in Cuba, and in the January warm tropical mist from the ocean, I danced under the light of the full moon, reaching into my tribal self, expressing my longings to be one with the chaos of nature.

She stands strong, wind blowing her clothes away from her body, her hair disobeying their natural direction, but she stands stoic, amidst the chaos of nature.

It is a part of her, it surrounds her, but she does not move.


thank you Tabu.

Not only are you a gifted photographer, you are a soul who's visions can move me to tears.

Free fall into falling

Free fall into falling
Originally uploaded by hellophotokitty.

My horoscope for today...

"You may be afraid of the uncertainty you are feeling, yet this is a chance for you to push past your comfortable emotional limits. You might be able to get the support of your friends and associates, but you should be advised that everything is not as it seems. Trust your own judgment over the words of others, unless, that is, they are singing you love songs."

Interesting thing about the taking chances to push past uncomfortable feelings.

I think these photos in this series is a good thing...

Animal Farm - the movie

This is how I imagined the "Animal Farm" by George Orwell would look like if it were a movie.

Freaked the living daylights out of me.

Then again, I should have not been reading that stuff at ten years old...

PRIZED
Originally uploaded by juliann L.

Her light - revisited

Her light - revisited
Originally uploaded by hellophotokitty.

If you asked me last year where I thought I would be next year, I would have shaken my head and said : "I hope someplace better than now..."

And here we are - 2007 and I'm leaving to Detroit to visit some flickr friends, and be a part of an art festival that has accepted two of my pieces.

Fingers and toes crossed that this is the starting of something big and wonderful!

Renaming her...

I want to rename my blog

I've been reading Nora Ephron's latest book: I Feel Bad About My Neck and other thoughts on being a woman..." and it's changing the way I feel about writing this - my autobiographical life in cyberspace...

So I will be calling it "a blog for Nora".
Besides, I think that she might be flattered if this blog ever does become 'famous' and hopefully not sue me, as the institution of Seinfeld might, if in fact, what was my old blog became famous...

I have been blessed in this life because all the memories of women - past and present

I have been lucky because the women in my life were strong intelligent and wonderful. Perhaps it's the Slovak gene which prepared my ancestors for hard work in the fields, many children and the pioneering spirit which led a generation to North America, or a mixture of their steadfast ability to endure the elements, cultural and language barriers they encountered when they settled here

While reading Nora's book, I realized that her words could as easily become mine in 15 years. The quest for youth, and then the comfortable acceptance that age is a good thing:makes you wiser, bolder, and in a different way, more attractive. A self acceptance which, at the age of 20, seems oddly bewildering and elusive.

I hope to meet Nora one day - perhaps over a latte at Starbucks, exchanging stories about the 'tumultuous twenties', the 'dirty thirties" and what lies ahead for us as women who look toward the future with grace and self-assurance, and the satisfaction that - baby - we've come a long way and we've done it with an iron fist in a velvet glove...

This book is quickly becoming an inspiration, a tool of stimulation for my writer's block. The poet in me is optimistic that I will be able to find the right words, the right beat to string together sentences that flow as effortlessly as hers do. The realist in me says: if she can do it, hell - so can you.

She too was once a woman in her thirties, on the cusp of her forties...

So here I sit, on my day off, fending off a nasty cold, post nasal drip, Cubano tropicalissimo musico filling my empty front room (soon to be photo studio) and look to the future with hope and a big dollop of confidence.

The corners of my mouth lift up ever so slightly as I think about my upcoming exposition in April...

In New York City -
In Chelsea -
In a bar/lounge called Madame X

and then hear Frank Sinatra croon:

"if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere..."

Thanks Nora

and did I mention?

did I mention that the silly sequel to my play that I penned is going on at the centaur this week?

I sent a cease and desist order to the women, and the theater company, but they went on with it regardless.

Feeling quite stupid and powerless to do anything about it except scream and weep.

I've used this anaology before, but my baby has been stolen by a band of raving peri-menopausal women who've turned her into a crack whore....

Is there such a thing as Karma?

Who said that there was...

urgh

a letter to a friend unedited and unplugged

A letter to a friend - unedited and unplugged...

Gawd.
I'm sorry to have sent you such a desperate email lastnight.

Actually - I was ready to call you - I was up, restless and could not sleep. Those fucken highs... And to top it all off, the meds that bring me downfrom the highs -trazadone, gives me these disturbing dreams. I can't complain - my dream was with that "dr.goodlooking' or whatshisname on Grey's anatomy? Well, he was thinking of marrying me - we spent a wonderful whirwind day together after trying to take shelter in a weird warehouse/office/photostudio from some approaching tornadoes. The sky was beautiful - indigo and mauve clouds across a blue blue mountianous horizon - there were tiny funnels everwhere, and every time I thought one was coming, it turned out to miss us by a hair, a few feet, tops.

There was a pregnant woman there too - and we hid behind furniuture - weird,..

So this doctor dude and I...

I was taking a shower, and he tried to get sexy with me, but told him"I have to wait till we are more serious" and he was all sweet saying that was not was he was after, and that he just really liked me..

I remember looking out his bathroom window and seeing a beautiful sea of crystal clear turquise waters - calm and warm, and thought to myself - "this is perfection..."

What do you make of this dream my dear?

Sometimes I think I'm on the way to getting my life in order and making all my dreams come true, and sometimes, it feels as if the nighmare is just begining...

When I was 35 I hoped that 36 would be better... Now, I'm on the cusp of 39, and I'm running out of numbers to hang hopes on.

I hate being a slave to my biology - and that's what happens fron time to time.
My bipolar is my mental cancer - you can treat it, stop it frrom spreading, even remove it - but the traces of toxic resude are always there - waiting, sleeping - and you're never sure when they are going to come back to haunt again.

sorry for the rant my dear. I know you understand me on so many levels, but don'tworry, I'm not looking for fixing, just listening.

brain shivers

brain shivers
Originally uploaded by inez fili.

I don't think anybody has come closer than this in their description of one side effect Effexor is known for - brain shivers.

Imagine your brain is two sizes smaller than your skull.
Imagine your skull is filled with water.

Now jump around for 5 minutes, then stop. Then spin yourself around until you get very dizzy.

then stop.

These are brain shivers

Thank you so very much inez fili

both this image and you are brilliant

she couldn't lift her head from all the holiday excitement.

she couldn't lift her head from all the holiday excitement.
Originally uploaded by lynnie the pooh!.

Yea, that was totall me when I got back from New York city Sunday night!!!

giant shrimp of my dream

giant shrimp
Originally uploaded by erin_designr.

Go figure, the first dream I have in 2007 has to be about something I'm allergic to.

I was at the doc to this fishmarket (I guess it was some residue from my seattle visit) and there were these giant shrimps being pulled out of the water, onto the doc by these fishermen. A woman I was with told me: "Oh, these are the giant shrimp. They're actually quite delicious", and then proceeded to watch some husky romanian boxer type stick his hand in the middle of this 'thing' and gut it out.

I was horrified, but then again, the idea of eating something that was once my size freaked me out even more.


Could it have been the cheap booze?

Well, happy new year!