hiatus

Funny how things come to an end

but who likes endings?

Funny how I've temporarily closed the chapter on my flickr account. The "pro" account runs out in October, but I don't think I'll renew it too soon...

Funny how that was one of the places I felt safest, where I could share myself through my images.
That place is changing - people come and go now. It's odd.

All good things must come to an end was a post on somebody's last photo upload.

With so much death around me, I can't help but feeling weepy at the drop of a goodbye...

Mom told me that one of the professors in the department - his niece had melanoma but it has spread to her brain. I winced in fear.

that's one of the places it spreads...

all I could say was "holy fuck"

and she's young, only 38...

After hearing stories like this, I can't help but thank God my body is cancer free and hopefully will be for the rest of my life on this earth, but the statistics are staggering - now it's one in 3?

Why is there no cure?
Where has all the money gone?
Will there be any cure as long as pharmaceutical companies hold the chemical formulas in their greedy hands?

My aunt wrote a beautiful email to my mother today. Mom was shocked. Said it was the most touching thing that she has ever heard from her sister - ever.

I wonder what I would write if I knew I only had a few months to live?

I try not to think about it, get myself sick over it, but this anvil of death and all things related to it, the tension in the rope over my head is starting to weaken and my options for shelter are getting smaller and smaller in circumference. Spinning in one spot - spinning and crying.

Another woman who we know through the office left us a message - her mother had just died. D's mother passed away two weeks ago...

All this death.
I don't think I could ever remember a time when I felt so fragile and alone, and think this what be what it feels like working in an oncology ward.

these people check in but never leave...

I must remain strong, and hold the belief that I was put here on this planet to share my stories and vision, and that until then, by the grace of God, will allow me enough time to complete this task, journey, mission.

And now to sleep - ah perchance to sleep and then wake up when I want to...