Surgery

And so the waiting begins...

Mom goes into surgery tomorrow - and we are all very very nervous.

So far, we have not heard when the actual time will be, but she goes into pre-admission tonight.

It is all starting to hit her.


Everything seems so surreal now - the bitter cold wind on a sunny spring afternoon, the echoing cough deep inside my chest from a now serious case of bronchitis, the final days of my thirties quickly disappearing with each passing hour.


I'm trying to be spiritual about this - the end of an era (my thirties), bringing in my 40th with the woman who brought me into the world - caring for her after all the years she's cared for me, the operation that will remove the cancer from her body - hopefully not to return for a bunch of good years at least, and trying to remain calm and positive.

but it's not so easy

I could not sleep last night - again
The cats started their breakfast battle cry at 5:45am. Then E's alarm came on - and on again. After the 4th time he hit snooze, I told him that if he didn't shut it off or get up, both he and the clock would go flying out of the room.

As I lay sandwiched between pillows, wondering if this roller coaster ride would ever slow down, my eyes closed and deep inside of my body became motionless. A moment of peace to coast on for a few hours.

Finally

but as I sit here typing this entry, my stomach flips and rolls over inside my gut, I know that all of what happens to my mother is completely out of control, and must now trust in the skilled hands of the surgeons who will work on trying to remove the disease which has turned our lives upsidedown over the past two years.

but thinking about it - this disease has brought us closer together. We could have done without it, thank you very much, but trying to take what has come our way in a zen perspective, it is what it is - and I cherish what we have now. I only hope and pray that we can have more of the 'now's in the future.

I will keep you posted on how it all comes out.