I am so tired of getting all this SPAM!
It's at the point now that I'm finding it amusing to look at the subject lines.
I've decided to keep a running list of the classics.
Perhaps I'll string them all together and made some story...
now there's a good idea!
(by the way - it's 16°C - 60 °F.
Not to shabby considering we're an area used to temps of -30°C with the wind chill factor!!!
Spam Spam Glorious Spam!
jtrademark
FW:Here's what I was telling you about ...
stingy abandoned
$B0l=54V0JFb$G$9!#(B
of softball
Not bass the poultice
klearn
salso
upenny
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
big wheel spinning
First of all,
I want to thank everyone who visits here.
Your words really mean a lot to me - especially in times like these.
Just knowing that there is someone out there makes it all the worth while to continue...
I'm at work now (yawn) and I can feel my big wheels spinning.
My eyes dart about the room like ants running for their lives from gigantic burst of RAID
every thing makes me wince and become exhasperated
I feel that the next thing will be the thing that makes me crack
and put my fist through this monitor
slam the keyboard against the wall
distroy this office peice by staple, paperclip, sticky note, memo, and pen
and stand in the middle of this corporate mess and pull my hair out
and cry until I can cry no more
and then roll up into a ball
and sleep for a very long time
I want to thank everyone who visits here.
Your words really mean a lot to me - especially in times like these.
Just knowing that there is someone out there makes it all the worth while to continue...
I'm at work now (yawn) and I can feel my big wheels spinning.
My eyes dart about the room like ants running for their lives from gigantic burst of RAID
every thing makes me wince and become exhasperated
I feel that the next thing will be the thing that makes me crack
and put my fist through this monitor
slam the keyboard against the wall
distroy this office peice by staple, paperclip, sticky note, memo, and pen
and stand in the middle of this corporate mess and pull my hair out
and cry until I can cry no more
and then roll up into a ball
and sleep for a very long time
50/50
mom went to go see the oncologist - the one who discoverd her cancer and operated on her
it will be a year in two weeks
already...
he said that people with melanoma have a 50/50 % chance of survival - those are her odds.
She told me and was optimisitc - I hope I'll be in the top 50%
it hit me - 50%
Is the glass half full or half empty?
Russian roulette with cancer.
Freaked the fuck out of me, I don't even want to think about the other half...
shook me to the core -as if my body and mind already needed shaking...
fucken fuck...
it will be a year in two weeks
already...
he said that people with melanoma have a 50/50 % chance of survival - those are her odds.
She told me and was optimisitc - I hope I'll be in the top 50%
it hit me - 50%
Is the glass half full or half empty?
Russian roulette with cancer.
Freaked the fuck out of me, I don't even want to think about the other half...
shook me to the core -as if my body and mind already needed shaking...
fucken fuck...
Thursday, November 16, 2006
when the comfort isn't there...
I had a horrible day at work.
Found out that I'm saddled with this debt and it's a catch 22, and am terrified that I'm going to end up a bag lady at 55, without any money, or family.
This is not a stretch of the imagination.
This is reality.
And the thought that I might just have to leave my dream of being a photographer behind as an unfulfilled one is real as well.
And tonight, something is dying inside - my hope, my beleif in little miracles, and trust in myself.
I called my mom (because mom's are supposed to be there to help in times like this, but I got a kick in the face - and still bruised from another delightful doomsday seeker at work:
"you know, things in life never change. You just have to accept it. You will be alone and broke, and then you will die while others retire in peace and happiness.
Reminds me when I used to work at the Neuro - my Nazi Boss - M. Arts "Things are only gonna get worse!!" That was all he said, all the time. It was the seed of brain cancer that has now grown into my whole body.
I just needed some mom's tlc.
But I didn't get any.
Thank God for my man. He seems to be the only one who understands me now.
I wrote this to my mother, teary and heavy.
Mom.
I am so upset now, you have no idea.
I'm sorry I just hung up on you, but the pain was just so deep.
I know you can't be superwoman all the time, but I was hoping that you heard it in my voice that I needed some comfort, encouragement when I was really feeling like giving it all up.
And you know and have seen me slipping into this up and down roller-coaster: one day up, next day crashing into the ground - the monster I call manic depression, and decreasing these meds makes me even more vulnerable to sadness and pessimism, an open wound in a wind storm.
even one grain of sand can cause an enormous amount of pain out of proportion to the cause of that pain.
Dixie Daredevil says:
It is a wonderful photo ...everyone has said many of the things I am feeling. I miss you, Kat. As you are feeling drawn to Flickr again, I am feeling less inclined to be here these days. I hope we have some overlapping time. You're wonderful...
jenny -- says:
there is something so touching about your photography and your words... I'm looking forward to seeing you here again! :*
And these are comments from people who have seen my images on flickr - that photo sharing place.
These are complete strangers.
I needed to hear that from them, but tonight, I really needed to hear that from you...
I don't know what to say.
I'm going to take a sleeping pill and hope that my horrible day won't wear off into nightmares...
Fuck La Provence!
As much as I love living here, I am realizing that it's killing me to exist in this part of Canada.
A $30, 000 student loan won't go away - even if I die! Figure that out.
Quebec is ruthless in clamping down on student loans.
I've had serious health problems over the years, and one unfortunate circumstance after another in the past 10.
I'm lucky to be able to eat, let alone live under a roof that is not cardboard.
if the fucken gvmt were at least sympathetic - reduce my loan even by 1/2!
I would try to pay that.
I don't want them to think I'm a freeloader,
But when I saw this, I nearly cried and screamed.
I'm now debating wether I should pack my bags and head out west.
Fucken Quebec Government.
not wonder we have the highest suicide rate in Canada!!!!!!!!!
B.C. Loan Forgiveness Program
Overview
The B.C. loan forgiveness program recognizes the increasing need for skilled professionals in underserved communities in the province.
This program has been designed to provide British Columbia Student Loan (BCSL) forgiveness to graduates from accredited post-secondary educational institutions in various professions who agree to work in publicly funded facilities in underserved areas of British Columbia.
Graduates from accredited schools in nursing (including licensed practical nurses and nurse practitioners) and from medical, midwifery and pharmacy schools who began their final year of study on or after Aug. 1, 2000, will have all outstanding BCSL debt forgiven at a rate of 33 1/3 per cent per year.
Students graduating on or after Dec. 1, 2004, from speech language pathology, occupational therapy, audiology and physiotherapy, who will be working with children in underserved communities, will have all outstanding BCSL debt forgiven at a rate of 33 1/3 per cent per year.
Eligibility Criteria
To be eligible for the B.C. loan forgiveness program, you must:
Be employed (full time, part time, and/or casual/on call) at a publicly funded facility in a designated underserved community within B.C.
Have an outstanding BCSL in good standing
Have graduated from an accredited post-secondary institution
Have started your final year of study on or after Aug. 1, 2000 (for nurses, nurse practitioners, doctors, midwives and pharmacists)
Have graduated on or after Dec. 1, 2004 (for speech language pathologists, occupational therapists, audiologists and physiotherapists)
Not be in full-time studies
Note: If your file is under audit, your application will be held until the audit is complete.
How to Apply
B.C. loan forgiveness applications are available through the Student Services Branch or in PDF format below. You must complete your application and forward it to your BCSL lender for completion of the lender's section. The lender will then return the application to you.
Along with the initial application, an original letter from the publicly funded facility or health authority confirming your employment must be submitted.
Note:
If you have a practitioner number, you must submit a letter from your health authority confirming that you serve in the community.
Professionals under contract to the Province must ensure their employment letter also includes the contract number and ministry involved.
Midwives must also submit a letter from the Association of Midwives confirming their registration.
An official sealed transcript showing that graduation requirements have been fulfilled must be included with your first application for loan forgiveness.
At the end of each 12 months of employment, within thirty days of your anniversary date, you must submit a letter from your employer confirming that 12 months of employment have been completed. A reminder letter will be sent out from the Student Services Branch before your anniversary date.
You must submit an application for loan forgiveness to the Student Services Branch at the beginning of each year of employment. Second- and third-year applications must be received by the Student Services Branch within 30 days of your anniversary date.
A $30, 000 student loan won't go away - even if I die! Figure that out.
Quebec is ruthless in clamping down on student loans.
I've had serious health problems over the years, and one unfortunate circumstance after another in the past 10.
I'm lucky to be able to eat, let alone live under a roof that is not cardboard.
if the fucken gvmt were at least sympathetic - reduce my loan even by 1/2!
I would try to pay that.
I don't want them to think I'm a freeloader,
But when I saw this, I nearly cried and screamed.
I'm now debating wether I should pack my bags and head out west.
Fucken Quebec Government.
not wonder we have the highest suicide rate in Canada!!!!!!!!!
B.C. Loan Forgiveness Program
Overview
The B.C. loan forgiveness program recognizes the increasing need for skilled professionals in underserved communities in the province.
This program has been designed to provide British Columbia Student Loan (BCSL) forgiveness to graduates from accredited post-secondary educational institutions in various professions who agree to work in publicly funded facilities in underserved areas of British Columbia.
Graduates from accredited schools in nursing (including licensed practical nurses and nurse practitioners) and from medical, midwifery and pharmacy schools who began their final year of study on or after Aug. 1, 2000, will have all outstanding BCSL debt forgiven at a rate of 33 1/3 per cent per year.
Students graduating on or after Dec. 1, 2004, from speech language pathology, occupational therapy, audiology and physiotherapy, who will be working with children in underserved communities, will have all outstanding BCSL debt forgiven at a rate of 33 1/3 per cent per year.
Eligibility Criteria
To be eligible for the B.C. loan forgiveness program, you must:
Be employed (full time, part time, and/or casual/on call) at a publicly funded facility in a designated underserved community within B.C.
Have an outstanding BCSL in good standing
Have graduated from an accredited post-secondary institution
Have started your final year of study on or after Aug. 1, 2000 (for nurses, nurse practitioners, doctors, midwives and pharmacists)
Have graduated on or after Dec. 1, 2004 (for speech language pathologists, occupational therapists, audiologists and physiotherapists)
Not be in full-time studies
Note: If your file is under audit, your application will be held until the audit is complete.
How to Apply
B.C. loan forgiveness applications are available through the Student Services Branch or in PDF format below. You must complete your application and forward it to your BCSL lender for completion of the lender's section. The lender will then return the application to you.
Along with the initial application, an original letter from the publicly funded facility or health authority confirming your employment must be submitted.
Note:
If you have a practitioner number, you must submit a letter from your health authority confirming that you serve in the community.
Professionals under contract to the Province must ensure their employment letter also includes the contract number and ministry involved.
Midwives must also submit a letter from the Association of Midwives confirming their registration.
An official sealed transcript showing that graduation requirements have been fulfilled must be included with your first application for loan forgiveness.
At the end of each 12 months of employment, within thirty days of your anniversary date, you must submit a letter from your employer confirming that 12 months of employment have been completed. A reminder letter will be sent out from the Student Services Branch before your anniversary date.
You must submit an application for loan forgiveness to the Student Services Branch at the beginning of each year of employment. Second- and third-year applications must be received by the Student Services Branch within 30 days of your anniversary date.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
You just don't get it, do you...
Hmm.
I am amazed sometimes as to how people can have such a narrow minded view about things.
Sure, everybody is entitled to their own opinion, but don't berate others who have a different view than you do, especially when it's something that you have both shared.
This got me a little miffed, and that's why i'm posting it....
This was taken from a flickr group that deals with depression and bi-polar:
hellophotokitty says:
Hello everybody.
I've been away for a while cause I've been trying to process and calm the crazy side effects that I'm getting now that I'm coming down (and eventually off) effexxor.
I told my doc that I wanted to take baby steps - 30 mg less each other week.
'well, you know that it will take longer for you to come off of it..."
DUH!
I told him that i didn't care, as long as I would'nt end up in the hospital from the horrible withdrawl symptoms.
I've had a few manic episodes tho - and not the 'good creative kind"
The doc says that my system may be de-stabilized but I beg to differ. I remember reading that some meds may even make you hyper manic..
Thanks to CBT, I managed to nip them in the bud - see the paranoia sneaking around the corner, quell the racing thoughts that piggy back on eachother, but sometimes, the mania hits like a bolt of lightning - and I stand stunned and overwhelmed.
I was so pleased with myself last week as I found the perfect metaphor to describe the feeling in my head when I'm on the ladder to mania:
Imagine the sound of a thousand zippers going up and down at the same time - that is what I hear in my head...
What about you? Have you had any increase in side effects from decreasing medication?
Scrybl says:
Efexor is notorious for having a withdrawal syndrome. You have to come off it very very slowly and with the help of other medication. It's a good antidepressant, but a bitch to come off of. My psychiatrist said that you need other meds to help you come off it. All the best of luck to you.
Grey Skies, Sad Eyes says:
when i went off effexor it was horrible, i was throwing up, shaking, and i was just completly out there, for like a week. but i did stop cold turkey, i ran away from home with out my pills so i couldnt really help but stop........ but i have come off a lot of meds and things often will get worse for a while just because your body has to reajust.... but dont give up hope it took me three years but now im med free and feeling better then ever....
jouste says:
i don't get it!
this thing about being off meds is REALLLLLY weird to me.
if i go off my meds there is a way higher than average chance i will either be dead or in prison.
the last time i went off meds i was in a manic state of paranoid hallcuinations for six days, called the police six times, and was OUT OF MY HEAD!
i thought i was doing just fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so, excuse me if i have no pity or sympathy with people who screw around with meds.
you either need them or you don't but if you go off of them you owe it to the people around you and society in general to not be too ill in the first place.
otherwise stay on them and deal with it.
madmike73 says:
Last year they tried to ween me off of Efexor. The thinking was I was already taking an anti-depressant, Remeron, along with lithium and adavan so i could probably eliminate Efexor. Every second week i would drop 37.5 of the Efexor. When I finally got down to the last 37.5 is when I started getting the wierd withdrawals. It would feel like an electrical pulse starting at the base of my spine and running up into my brain and vibrating. My mind started to race, and I started pacing the floors. My mind always races though, but at least with the meds it's blunted a bit.
About the hypermanic....I was put on Paxil, and it actually agitated me. I literally couldn't sit down. I would go to work for 10 hours, walk to a gym, 4miles round trip, stay up all night watching tv, and eventually get about two hours sleep. That went on for a year till i crashed. MY Aunt is bipolar and had a similar experience with Paxil.
You're under a doctors care, and it seems like you know yourself pretty well. You'll know what you need or don't.
Good luck, hope you're feeling ok.
jodiemim says:
Effexor withdrawl was a bitch for me too, but I did it and you will too. I had the weird brain thingies and the flu symptoms and the racing thoughts. it went away eventually, don't worry.
Weirdly enough, Paxil did crazy crap to me too. I was practically hallucinating (and that's not something I typically do) and I was totally panicked. Apparently it has really bad effects on some people!
Posted 14 hours ago. ( permalink )
covinichrome says:
Oh lord, I thought I had it hard coming off paroxetine, but reading this I see I got off very lightly. I wish you well.
I tried to come off pararoxetine cold turkey in the mid-90s when withdrawal symptoms were only starting to be reported in the literature. (I remember massive anxiety and insomnia.) After showing such a report to my psychiatrist I was weaned off paroxetine with a tapering dose of fluoxetine over two weeks. It was perhaps the weirdest time I've ever experienced. I felt my life was a movie, with myself and all around me as characters; it was reminiscent of a low-grade mushroom trip without euphoria, during which I was expected to function as normal.
The great thing was that once the trauma was over I felt real emotion for the first time in two years.
For the past few years I've been on moclobemide, which fortunately has almost no noticeable side effects, and no withdrawal symptoms at all. But it isn't an effective antidepressant for everyone.
Posted 8 hours ago. ( permalink )
My response (with a delicate finger point to Jouste)
hellophotokitty says:
Thank you everybody for sharing such intimate stories - it's often quite harrowing to recount even the most incidental of moments...
Scrybl - My new doc is listening to me because I told him that I've been on this medication for longer than he's been a doctor - that shook him up. But without further bruising his ego, I said that I had come to a point where I knew my body so well, and had experienced many different stages of withdrawal and increase in several medications that I could write my own information sheet about each medication. I have switched to the non SR (they didn't come in denominations lower than 75mg) to the regular effexor - and am going down slower, but have to keep the dosages timed (am, afternoon and pm) as to keep the level stable in my system...
Grey Skies, Sad Eyes - ouch! Cold turkey is always a huge shock to your system, even caffeine, sugars etc. I tried coffee - cold turkey, and that turned me into a shaking, quaking rambling, vomiting mess for two weeks. Any drug yanked out of your system quickly is bound to create havoc - the body has its own way of telling you "WOA NELLY!!" I'm glad you’re on the mend.
:-)
jouste :
"so, excuse me if i have no pity or sympathy with people who screw around with meds"
Hmm.
Everybody is entitled to their own opinions about these matters, but if might say so, I think you're being a little harsh about this. I'm not 'screwing around with' my meds. I've been on effexxor for almost 10 years, and over the last 4, it's just stopped working. My depressions got worse no matter how much I increased the dose. Why stay on a medication if it's not working? Withdrawal symptoms are part and parcel of the whole medication world, and it's something we must accept when we decide to take any kind of anti-depressant.
I'm sorry to hear that your experience was so horrible, and that you fell so rapidly and intensely. If you can find a medication that works for you, I'd say stick with it as long as you can. Why quit something that keeps you sane and alive? But when the medication is causing you more harm, grief and depression, it's time for a change, or at least, a modification in the hopes that you'll find something better...
madmike73 - ahh - those wonderful brain shocks. I've heard so many stories about this, and have experienced them myself - not pretty, and it worries me that even at the final small dose, you had those crazy side effects, but like you, I'm going REALLY slow, and if I even feel so much as an odd twitch, I re-adjust the dose (as in terms of decrease - keeping myself on a dose of 150 instead of dropping 50 mg in one shot). Paxil? I think there was a lot of controversy when people started committing suicide on it. I've heard horror stories, and have stayed away because of it. As I said to Jouste - we are all aware of the risks and side effects that come with these medications, it's not like we are going into this blindly, but there are some risks and variables as everybody's system is different. I hope you're doing better now.
jodiemim - thank you for your words of support. Coming from someone who's an effexxor withdrawal effects survivor, it gives me hope that I'll be able to kick this nasty brain shaking rollercoaster ride soon enough!
covinichrome - mid 90's - the days when excitement over new SSRI's and other cerebral happy seasonings were all the rage, mixing and matching drug classes was vogue. Little did many doctors know that some mixtures were toxic and harmful. I guess lab rats just didn't cut it when it came to exhibiting racing thoughts, panic attacks, and the surreal Avant Garde cinematic - waiting for the credits to role headspace that many of us found ourselves in, despite repeated attempts to sleep it off, or ignore it. I'm happy that you've found your 'right med' and right dose after all these years. That makes all the difference.
I will keep you all posted on my progress... :-)
I'm waiting for his comeback to my post...
this should be interesting...
I am amazed sometimes as to how people can have such a narrow minded view about things.
Sure, everybody is entitled to their own opinion, but don't berate others who have a different view than you do, especially when it's something that you have both shared.
This got me a little miffed, and that's why i'm posting it....
This was taken from a flickr group that deals with depression and bi-polar:
hellophotokitty says:
Hello everybody.
I've been away for a while cause I've been trying to process and calm the crazy side effects that I'm getting now that I'm coming down (and eventually off) effexxor.
I told my doc that I wanted to take baby steps - 30 mg less each other week.
'well, you know that it will take longer for you to come off of it..."
DUH!
I told him that i didn't care, as long as I would'nt end up in the hospital from the horrible withdrawl symptoms.
I've had a few manic episodes tho - and not the 'good creative kind"
The doc says that my system may be de-stabilized but I beg to differ. I remember reading that some meds may even make you hyper manic..
Thanks to CBT, I managed to nip them in the bud - see the paranoia sneaking around the corner, quell the racing thoughts that piggy back on eachother, but sometimes, the mania hits like a bolt of lightning - and I stand stunned and overwhelmed.
I was so pleased with myself last week as I found the perfect metaphor to describe the feeling in my head when I'm on the ladder to mania:
Imagine the sound of a thousand zippers going up and down at the same time - that is what I hear in my head...
What about you? Have you had any increase in side effects from decreasing medication?
Scrybl says:
Efexor is notorious for having a withdrawal syndrome. You have to come off it very very slowly and with the help of other medication. It's a good antidepressant, but a bitch to come off of. My psychiatrist said that you need other meds to help you come off it. All the best of luck to you.
Grey Skies, Sad Eyes says:
when i went off effexor it was horrible, i was throwing up, shaking, and i was just completly out there, for like a week. but i did stop cold turkey, i ran away from home with out my pills so i couldnt really help but stop........ but i have come off a lot of meds and things often will get worse for a while just because your body has to reajust.... but dont give up hope it took me three years but now im med free and feeling better then ever....
jouste says:
i don't get it!
this thing about being off meds is REALLLLLY weird to me.
if i go off my meds there is a way higher than average chance i will either be dead or in prison.
the last time i went off meds i was in a manic state of paranoid hallcuinations for six days, called the police six times, and was OUT OF MY HEAD!
i thought i was doing just fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so, excuse me if i have no pity or sympathy with people who screw around with meds.
you either need them or you don't but if you go off of them you owe it to the people around you and society in general to not be too ill in the first place.
otherwise stay on them and deal with it.
madmike73 says:
Last year they tried to ween me off of Efexor. The thinking was I was already taking an anti-depressant, Remeron, along with lithium and adavan so i could probably eliminate Efexor. Every second week i would drop 37.5 of the Efexor. When I finally got down to the last 37.5 is when I started getting the wierd withdrawals. It would feel like an electrical pulse starting at the base of my spine and running up into my brain and vibrating. My mind started to race, and I started pacing the floors. My mind always races though, but at least with the meds it's blunted a bit.
About the hypermanic....I was put on Paxil, and it actually agitated me. I literally couldn't sit down. I would go to work for 10 hours, walk to a gym, 4miles round trip, stay up all night watching tv, and eventually get about two hours sleep. That went on for a year till i crashed. MY Aunt is bipolar and had a similar experience with Paxil.
You're under a doctors care, and it seems like you know yourself pretty well. You'll know what you need or don't.
Good luck, hope you're feeling ok.
jodiemim says:
Effexor withdrawl was a bitch for me too, but I did it and you will too. I had the weird brain thingies and the flu symptoms and the racing thoughts. it went away eventually, don't worry.
Weirdly enough, Paxil did crazy crap to me too. I was practically hallucinating (and that's not something I typically do) and I was totally panicked. Apparently it has really bad effects on some people!
Posted 14 hours ago. ( permalink )
covinichrome says:
Oh lord, I thought I had it hard coming off paroxetine, but reading this I see I got off very lightly. I wish you well.
I tried to come off pararoxetine cold turkey in the mid-90s when withdrawal symptoms were only starting to be reported in the literature. (I remember massive anxiety and insomnia.) After showing such a report to my psychiatrist I was weaned off paroxetine with a tapering dose of fluoxetine over two weeks. It was perhaps the weirdest time I've ever experienced. I felt my life was a movie, with myself and all around me as characters; it was reminiscent of a low-grade mushroom trip without euphoria, during which I was expected to function as normal.
The great thing was that once the trauma was over I felt real emotion for the first time in two years.
For the past few years I've been on moclobemide, which fortunately has almost no noticeable side effects, and no withdrawal symptoms at all. But it isn't an effective antidepressant for everyone.
Posted 8 hours ago. ( permalink )
My response (with a delicate finger point to Jouste)
hellophotokitty says:
Thank you everybody for sharing such intimate stories - it's often quite harrowing to recount even the most incidental of moments...
Scrybl - My new doc is listening to me because I told him that I've been on this medication for longer than he's been a doctor - that shook him up. But without further bruising his ego, I said that I had come to a point where I knew my body so well, and had experienced many different stages of withdrawal and increase in several medications that I could write my own information sheet about each medication. I have switched to the non SR (they didn't come in denominations lower than 75mg) to the regular effexor - and am going down slower, but have to keep the dosages timed (am, afternoon and pm) as to keep the level stable in my system...
Grey Skies, Sad Eyes - ouch! Cold turkey is always a huge shock to your system, even caffeine, sugars etc. I tried coffee - cold turkey, and that turned me into a shaking, quaking rambling, vomiting mess for two weeks. Any drug yanked out of your system quickly is bound to create havoc - the body has its own way of telling you "WOA NELLY!!" I'm glad you’re on the mend.
:-)
jouste :
"so, excuse me if i have no pity or sympathy with people who screw around with meds"
Hmm.
Everybody is entitled to their own opinions about these matters, but if might say so, I think you're being a little harsh about this. I'm not 'screwing around with' my meds. I've been on effexxor for almost 10 years, and over the last 4, it's just stopped working. My depressions got worse no matter how much I increased the dose. Why stay on a medication if it's not working? Withdrawal symptoms are part and parcel of the whole medication world, and it's something we must accept when we decide to take any kind of anti-depressant.
I'm sorry to hear that your experience was so horrible, and that you fell so rapidly and intensely. If you can find a medication that works for you, I'd say stick with it as long as you can. Why quit something that keeps you sane and alive? But when the medication is causing you more harm, grief and depression, it's time for a change, or at least, a modification in the hopes that you'll find something better...
madmike73 - ahh - those wonderful brain shocks. I've heard so many stories about this, and have experienced them myself - not pretty, and it worries me that even at the final small dose, you had those crazy side effects, but like you, I'm going REALLY slow, and if I even feel so much as an odd twitch, I re-adjust the dose (as in terms of decrease - keeping myself on a dose of 150 instead of dropping 50 mg in one shot). Paxil? I think there was a lot of controversy when people started committing suicide on it. I've heard horror stories, and have stayed away because of it. As I said to Jouste - we are all aware of the risks and side effects that come with these medications, it's not like we are going into this blindly, but there are some risks and variables as everybody's system is different. I hope you're doing better now.
jodiemim - thank you for your words of support. Coming from someone who's an effexxor withdrawal effects survivor, it gives me hope that I'll be able to kick this nasty brain shaking rollercoaster ride soon enough!
covinichrome - mid 90's - the days when excitement over new SSRI's and other cerebral happy seasonings were all the rage, mixing and matching drug classes was vogue. Little did many doctors know that some mixtures were toxic and harmful. I guess lab rats just didn't cut it when it came to exhibiting racing thoughts, panic attacks, and the surreal Avant Garde cinematic - waiting for the credits to role headspace that many of us found ourselves in, despite repeated attempts to sleep it off, or ignore it. I'm happy that you've found your 'right med' and right dose after all these years. That makes all the difference.
I will keep you all posted on my progress... :-)
I'm waiting for his comeback to my post...
this should be interesting...
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
dogsmell
I love animals, and love cats and dogs, but there are several reasons why I only have two cats:
a) lack of wide open spaces or a back yard
b) i'm not home during the day/afternoon
c) I don't have the money to pay for all that dog food if I had a big dog
d) i hate waking up in the middle of the night to pee, let alone get up for a dog who has to pee in the middle of the night!
e) hate that "dogsmell" that can get into everything you own and touch!
Some dogs smell more than others. This is still a mystery to me.
No matter the size, each one is different.
If there are any vets or dog lovers out there, can you please enlighten me why and how this happens?
I love my friend, and love her dogs, but damm. I can't stand the smell!
I slept in a closed room with the puppy last night and I was overwhelmed with it. I was so close to just slathering the pooch with some Febreze, but there was none to be found.
Sometimes it's a good idea to carry some around.
Case in point.
The older pup was a more friendly this morning.
I have no clue what the hell happened last night, and was a wee bit miffed that I didn't even get a call to let me know that my panicked txt messages were received, at least acknowledged, because fungaool, I was a basket case and was ready to haul out of there....
So we shall wait for the update.
Woof.
a) lack of wide open spaces or a back yard
b) i'm not home during the day/afternoon
c) I don't have the money to pay for all that dog food if I had a big dog
d) i hate waking up in the middle of the night to pee, let alone get up for a dog who has to pee in the middle of the night!
e) hate that "dogsmell" that can get into everything you own and touch!
Some dogs smell more than others. This is still a mystery to me.
No matter the size, each one is different.
If there are any vets or dog lovers out there, can you please enlighten me why and how this happens?
I love my friend, and love her dogs, but damm. I can't stand the smell!
I slept in a closed room with the puppy last night and I was overwhelmed with it. I was so close to just slathering the pooch with some Febreze, but there was none to be found.
Sometimes it's a good idea to carry some around.
Case in point.
The older pup was a more friendly this morning.
I have no clue what the hell happened last night, and was a wee bit miffed that I didn't even get a call to let me know that my panicked txt messages were received, at least acknowledged, because fungaool, I was a basket case and was ready to haul out of there....
So we shall wait for the update.
Woof.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Bad dog...
I am really mad.
I am really pissed off at my friend's dog
A dog who I knew when he was just a puppy.
And he snapped at me - twice!
I'm fed up.
I am here at her place, because she is out of town for the next two days.
I can't do anything with the dog. He's become so tempermental in his old age...
He's only 2.
Which is about 30 in human years right?
Mid life crisis perhaps?
Well, no dog walkie 2mrw.
I need my hand to type and file at work!!
Damm dog...
I am really pissed off at my friend's dog
A dog who I knew when he was just a puppy.
And he snapped at me - twice!
I'm fed up.
I am here at her place, because she is out of town for the next two days.
I can't do anything with the dog. He's become so tempermental in his old age...
He's only 2.
Which is about 30 in human years right?
Mid life crisis perhaps?
Well, no dog walkie 2mrw.
I need my hand to type and file at work!!
Damm dog...
Monday, November 06, 2006
Ancient Chinese wisdom - Paris Hilton Style
This was just too funny. This is an example of something that would only happen to me; but I embrace it because I am a weirdo, freak, bizzaro energy magnet.
Hence the title of this blog
While everybody else was cracking open their cookies, sharing their snippets of ancient chinese wisdom, I looked down and there it was.
The fortune cookie that was meant for Paris Hilton...
Thursday, November 02, 2006
The world turned on it's head
This is just silly.
What will people think of next?
Yes, I understand that space could be an issue for some people, but pluuuzze! Get a fricken smaller tree why don't you?!
Talk about getting into the xmas spirit.
in my next post, I will share the kind of ancient chinese wisdom everybody expects to get from a fortune cookie - but if I were Carrie Bradshaw!!
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