and so the saga continues...

e got an email from dad.
Blew us both out of the water.

he wants to meet with him next week.

I was absolutely floored.

I was sure that with e's last email, it was kinda "take that and think about it/goodbye" and that would have been the end of it.

Well, we were all wrong.

So we will see what he has to say.

I'm happy i held off sending my email. It was harsh and would have been quite painful for anybody to read, but shit. Has he not caused me pain enough? Why should i be so careful not to hurt his feelings?

Cause I'm a suck and too sentimental.


Mom was surprised when I told her the news.



silence

"I want to hear what he has to say, at least this one last time. Obviously e's email affected him enough to want him to give his two cents in. He's avoided meeting with him for the past year. There must be something "important" he has to say. I don't want to jeopardize not finding this out by you sending an that (irate) email"

silence

and the silence continued
she pouted and I asked why

"I'm going to drop this now cause you don't want to hear what I have to say"

whatever.


"I don't need any more of this grief for fuck's sake!"
weeping into E's arm, those broken words fell out of my mouth.

"why does this not end?"

I wonder if things would have just been more simple if we did decide to go our separate ways. Fini. End. Fin.

close book, move on.

but no.

I have a funny feeling that he wants to clear his conscience because he is going in for another round of chemo treatment.

well, so did I, but at what cost?


I can't help but remembering when we were going through the "Settlement" for him to pay child support. It was getting ugly and i was, as always, in the middle.

He showed up to my work and asked to talk to me. Knees weak and queazy stomach i forced myself to listen.

"don't get involved in this hpk. It's between your mom and myself."

"whatever"

and I went back to doing my own thing. Working. Hoping that he would just disappear.


but he didn't, and it got ugly.

Those scars are still fresh, and I can't help but to think that I'm reliving that shit all over again.

I just want peace.

I'm too tired to fight anymore.