what does it mean?

All tests are back normal.
what does it all mean?
The pain is very real and is not going away.


Onto opinion # 6 this afternoon. So many doctors I've lost count.

Dizzy from the pain meds.
Woken up by the roof guys at 7am.
Sleepless night.



Found out from my friend that she is going back to her home country after 15 years of being in the city. It's sad, because we had that falling out, and she had called a few weeks ago to apologize. But then i got sick and did not get a chance to speak with her. She leaves for two months on Friday, comes back and then moves.

Kinda sad. We had a lot of good times.

I can't help but thinking of when she said: "Girl, we never hang out anymore. When we are 70 and sitting on our balcony knitting, we will say: 'oh we should have hung out more, ran around the city together.' "

and now i'm sad, because it is too late to get those days back. It's too late to go back in time and re-start from scratch. Sure, there is skype, but it's not the same thing. I feel as if I'm loosing not only a best friend, but a part of my family. That a lot of family to lose in one year. Very sad. Sometimes you just have to let go of things that could have been but won't be anymore. Hang on to the good times. That's what I'm doing. At least we had good times.

at least we had those...

swelling etc...

got to see the doc today - the swelling in my armpits has continued. It comes and goes, but it's been around for a while now. And then, this morning, the swelling under my chin, near my neck.

I have been losing my memory - forgetting little things, words, places, spacing out.

My joints have been aching - something terrible.

And peeing. So much peeing. No burning, just urgency and frequency.

so many symptoms, so many possible diseases.

I'm trying so hard not to think of worst case scenario right now. I don't have the energy, but when i saw the look of concern on my doctor's face this afternoon, i could not help but wonder.

so off to see stomach doc 2mrw, and blood tests for regular doc on friday.

I'm hoping that my vacation next week will be trouble and dire news message free while i am away...