Coming to a close.

I can't believe this - in a few hours, we will be performing our last play. The final show of an incredible run for Sex and La cité.

I am so afraid that I will be a blubbering mess tomorrow because:
- it was such an amazing experience, so complelty incredible, so educational, so wonderful.
- I haveconsideredd these people as part of my family, well, my extended family as the little one I have here is getting smaller (with only my mother and Grandmother still around) so the cast has become my surrogate family. For 6 months we have hung out together, shared our dreams, ourvulnerabilitiess andstrengthss - we have been so close, in such an intense period of time; it's going to be like cutting off a limb when we go our own ways. And it's sadbecausee I think we were all starting to develop stronger bonds as each show finished.
- I will just miss all the fun and intensity we had as a group, seeing the genesis of this project, seeing all these beautiful souls mature into their roles, how each one took on something of themselves and made each character their own. Let me tell you, this sure beats a 9 to 5 job!!
- I will have to find something else to do with my time and energy and if I don't soon, I am going to crash and burn quickly.

And that scares the shit out of me.

Cause when I work intensely, and then it comes to a screeching halt, it's hard to get back to a 'normal life'. This group, theserehearsalss, these late night pow wow sessions with Samantha and Charlotte, my little heart to hearts with Miranda, Spiro, Steve and the others - that bonding, that sharing will be not as intensee as it once was as we go about our own separatee lives. I have shared so many things with these people - I have shown them sides of myself that most people never see - I showed them becausee I felt comfortable, and in trying to be a good actor, you have to sometimes make yourself vulnerable. I am not weakenedd by the experience - on the contrary, I feel stronger by having shared and opened myself up and been confident about who I am and what I do (I also know that actors are generally a neurotic bunch of people so I fit in well) and not be judged by them.

I realized alot of things from working on this project -
1) I have to follow my dreams - no matter what happens. I think I have a talen tt and I want to share my gift and bring happiness to others. It makes me so happy to know that this play will be the start of many careers - even if mine does not take off, I really don't care. Just knowing that I was able to help someone realize their dreams makes it all the worth while.
2) I love working and being with artsy people - I can hang out with computer geeks and morph with the best of them, but when it comes down to me spending quality time with people - these are the kind of people that keep me alive and happy.
3) Discipline - both in acting and writing. I finished this play, I acted in it and studied my part. it was so inspirational to see my fellow actors do the same. Wow.
4) To always follow my instinctss. This whole project was done on the basis of my instincts - and I also applied that to my personal life as well. Sure there have been ups and downs but with every day, I learned something about others as well as my self. And that alone is priceless.
5) the value of friendships and faith - those two words say it all.

I could go on, but it's almost 2:15 and I need sleep. I have a huge day tomorroww and then on Monday an appointment with the CBT clinic and then taking pictures at a corporate function in the afternoon. Urgh. I will not be looking pretty Monday morning.

But Friday's show was another sell out! It took a while for the crowd to warm up, but once they did, they were really howling! And we were all on our marks - every single one of us sharp and shining.

Sigh.

This still seems like a dream.

And tomorrow is going to be so sad, but it doesn't have to be.
This could be the start of something big.

And I have a funny feeling it will be, cause my crystal ball says so...
;-)