Fuck off blogger, microsoft and intel

I just spent the last half hour blubbering my lungs out about my fear of losing my mom, how I feel pretty shitty that I can't really do anything to change the diagnosis, listing the types of people who have come forward to help/lend a shoulder to cry on - and I press one renegade key - and everything disappeared!

I guess that says a lot about my state of mind/heart right now.

I tend to put all my eggs in one basket - run headlong into something without checking if the breaks work and then when it's too late - crash.


I am still reeling from all of this - and am a little disturbed as to whom I can really confide in about this - my struggle, fears, sadness.

There are some friends I have, but they have their own lives and problems, but it stings nonetheless when you reach for someone and they yank their hand away because they are too going through some imbalance.

I feel that no matter where you turn - you're fucked.

Sure, I can get all Zen on your ass - about going with the flow, Ophra-izing all of this tragedy into "stages of learning" and working past the pain, but who am I kidding.


When you need someone to listen - when you hope that somebody will be there to help and they retract into their own thing, it bites.

Is this selfish? Is this being self-centered? Being self-absorbed?

I don't know what the fuck it is, but it is getting me really down.
Confused.

I don't want answers, I just want a hint.


Just one fucken hint...