Good news!

Well, the news we have been waiting for is here.

But - we are not out of the woods 100% yet, but the news is good because it means my mom does not have to go through chemotherapy for a year. The biopsy of the lymph nodes that she had removed were 98% negative. The doctor spoke to the pathologist today during my mom's follow up this afternoon and the inital screening had been done - it was just the 2nd part of the test that was not completed yet. But the doctor assured us : if the inital results are negative, 9 times out of 10 they are negative when all the data is collected.

We were all so happy.
No, we were all so ELATED!

The past few days have been such a rush of emotions. I think I have lived 10 years compressed in a month. And the last week - well, my post last night said it all I think...

Today, I went to my mom's house. She was in good spirits. A little nervous , but didn't let it show. While she was getting ready, I peeked into her room. She was struggling with her hair (it's curly like mine) and said can you help me do something with this ?! Normally, I would have said - ah, just leave it like that, it's natural , but I remembered a friend's advice.
Do things with your mom - girly things like go shopping, put on makeup, take pictures before she goes through chemo. It's important for her to feel like she is still a woman and pretty. Chemo not only kills all the cancer cells, it also destroys your immune system and your sense of idenitiy. Help her to remember good one before she begins this difficult journey.

And so I did - put on her makeup. Her lids were droopy, lips depleted of their youthfull collagen, but it didn't matter. I made her look beautiful anyway. I could tell she really enjoyed being 'made up" even if it was only to see her oncologist - the man who would decide her fate and course of treatment for the next few months ahead.

She was optimistic, and didn't want to think about worst case scenario. Who does? Who would? And after seeing the plastic surgeon who looked at the gaping hole in her back, declairing it healthy and healing marveleouly, I saw the look of releif and color spring back into her face.

Now the final results.
Biopsy - negative or positive?

We sat outside the doctor's office - the three of us lined against the wall. Mom, best friend (sister by proxy) and me. Three strong women walking the plank over the waters of illness, knowing that death was an island too close to shore, but we keep our resolve. We are going to beat this. It will be negative.

My mom leaned over to me and said I was so optimistic up to now. I don't know what I'll do if it's positive. I mean, one year of chemo. That's alot. And what if it's spread?
We'll take it one day at a time. Like we've always done mom.

And she looked at me, as I have looked into her eyes so many times - wanting to beleive, hoping and trusting that she/I was right. It was a strange moment. I now understood what she must have gone through - trying to be optimistic, strong in the face of adversity and uncertantiy, and trusting that life will somehow give your the resolve and hope to see it all through.



After the diagnosis, my mom got up and thanked the doctor.
Can I give you a hug?
She was so cute.
She walked up to the tall doctor and hugged him hard. I am sure he knew that she was thankful.
I am sure that is a wonderful feeling - perhaps a balance when you tell someone that they only have a few months to live.

Sadness balances out the happiness.
Happiness balances out the sadness.

it's all in perfect working order.


After we left the office, I said to my mom and her friend: you know, happy hour has just started in most places...

We did'nt hit the bars. I think with the level of exhaustion that we were at, one sip of wine and all three of us would have been under the table. So instead we opted for delicious home made pizza and laughs at a local resturant.

And we laughed and laughed.

And I thank God, the universe, the bigger life force that we at least have one more chance, a little more time to be together.