This is what the postcard is going to look like.

At least I hope it will...

things that make you go - Oh brother...

Just a little bitch rant.

Slept all day - woke up at 4pm.
How disgusting is that? Perhaps my body was telling me it neeed to refuel after that long ride back from NYC.

Wonder if I'll be going to Toronto with my pix.
I can't believe that they are going to go up next week. I hope to god I can get an extension. Rushing like this is going to be the death of me.

not to mention the guys at the lab, the people who are going to do the matting/framing, and the huge hole that is growing in my bank account...

and then I think: is this all worth it? I haven't made a sale, keep blowing money out the window, what's next? Living out of a shoebox cause I can't even afford the shoes?

I just have to remain positive. Many years of busting my ass will hopefully come to fruition.
Hopefully.

Reading Anthony Robbins - interesting shit about modeling behaviour of successful people, and of course, the almighty keeping tabs on your mind. Must prune my mental hedges before they grow out of control. They are certainly stretching their cognitive limits as of late.

oh brother.

on the road - again...?

Bad news:
my images came down before they were supposed to - three days before they were supposed to. That really pissed me off big time. The reason is still unclear, but it seems like it was planned beforehand, and was slipped under my radar in a very sneaky way.

but I can't complain - in the big scheme of things - I did get my very first solo show in New York City: a place that embraced my work when galleries in Canada wouldn't even touch it with a 20 foot pole.

and it is new york city...

**
the ride down was brutal. Those overnighters usually are. Popped a whole ativan and slept most of the way there. Got one of those silly neck pillows - puffy foamy donut boas that sit on your shoulders. Kept my head from bobbing around and onto the person next to me.

got in about 7am. Met up with E and had a great breakfast. She's such a doll. It's been a while since I had a real girl pow wow/power bitch session. Needed to get that load off.

went to see S in central park while he was working. Hung out a bit, told me about his new job. Friendly yadda yadda.

Went to the club to pick up the pix. No real explanation except an "oh well. Sorry..."

I was too tired to argue and too upset to yell, so I let it slide.
Next time - get it all in writing.

E came to pick me up and we drove out to BF nowhereville East Flatbush.
so much for priceline.com!!!

crashed and then went out for dinner. Saturday was spent at a great bar called the Red Lion where we saw two AMAZING bands - and had a blast dancing and taking lots of pictures.

Sunday we vegged (I slept until 3:30pm) - went into the city and met with E later on. Hung out at a really campy Karaoke bar, but actually got into the fun (almost went up to sing - almost. About two beers shy of making a fool of myself). E came later and then S showed up - Mr. Rock star. Funny dude.

The next day we stumbled out of East Flatbush middle of nowhere and headed home - frames in the trunk, hand in my pocket, and my first solo expo under my belt.

That's the good news -

My first show EVER in New York...

I can't let what happened get to me, considering the chance I was given. Makes me very zen - thankful for everything. Taking the bad with the good.

Sad tho - kind of an end of an era
just ready for another one to begin...

And it did:

got an email that my live show pix will be at the Rivoli for the month of May!!
Logistics are going to be difficult - shipping, printing, more money, but I can't stop to think about all this shit. I just gotta ride the wave and know that I will remember how to float.

but I am tired, so very tired.
All of this is catching up to me.

I need sleep but can't seem to find the time. How odd is that?

meditations for women

Yea, it's sucky but I need to see it and burn it into my brain...

and the rains came down...

First, I get the bleed.
After being scott free for the longest time, it figures that it would rear it's ugly red head right when I am about to leave for a trip that will have me sitting on my ass for 8 hours. lovely.

then mom calls: I got the ups guy here with a huge package but there is broken glass in it. Oh yea, and it's costing me 98$...

WTF??

This was supposed to be from the gallery in nyc who lost my frames when I came down to pick them up for the madame x show (which had me scrambling to get replacements) said they would ship it - and incur the costs since they inconvenienced me... HELLO!?!?
Broken shredded frames photos and glass? One whole piece is ruined...

then I find out that my stuff at madame x has already come down!!! Apparently there was this huge private party (and I guess my stuff wasn't their liking) and it all came down yesterday.
I WAS SENDING PEOPLE OVER TO SEE MY STUFF! ON ALL THE INVITES IT SAID UNTIL THE 20TH!!! I blew a gasket, and almost began to breathe fire.

apparently, e smoothed it all out (god bless his soul) and the manager said that if anybody came by, the bartender would take my images upstairs to show the potential buyers (ha. like that's gonna happen).

When it rains it pours.
The light at the end of the tunnel is a tiny flashlight who's batteries are just about to die out.

on the road.. 'gain!

This time 2mrw, I will be on a buss to NYC.
I feel like I live there already.

Taking my photos down from the expo at madame x.
A month just flew by.

mom's chemo - a year ago yesterday. We blinked and missed it.

Time is something that's in short supply.

As we get older, i think time becomes compressed.
I can't believe it's almost May.

before we know it - turn around and it will be Christmas.

Morbid thought

Let's not go there...

***

I need to go back to NYC on my own though. Run around like a kid in a candy store - discover myself again. Traveling on my own opens my mind and soul.

A good soul scrubbing is what this 15 day old - 39r needs right now.

but the sex pistols played on uninterupted...

What a strange post this was.
I wonder why I kept it in draft mode for so long.
Perhaps it scared me to publish it...

on the road again...

Today we had mom's surprise party.
She didn't see it coming at all.

it was wonderful - more than 30 people showed up, all to cheer with and congratulate her.

I'm so happy I decided to do it. A milestone like this should not have to be missed.

365 days ago, we began our journey.

we've come a long way baby!


and as of thursday night - 11pm, I'll be on the road to NYC again.
Taking down my images from the show. It will be a sad affair - almost a putting away of momentos from a bygone area, into storage they go.

The high was steep and short, but at least I was able to live it.

Sadness today.
S called from nyc. It's been ages since he picked up the phone to say hello.
His cousin commited suicide. He had found out only 10 minutes earlier and was in shock.

how ironic that I was running late for my mom's surviving chemo party while another person close to me began to mourn.

how f-ed up is that?



need sleep
need rest
orbiting lethargy
painfully
slowly

silly haiku
stop me short
of making
sense...

1 year ago

exactly one year ago, mom started her chemotherapy.

And she is now chemo free - and hopefully cancer free too.

Then the wait begins - the wait for the PET scan, the wait for the results, then the wait for the next scan, the next set of results.

We both don't want to think of the worst case scenario, so every day is lived to the fullest, telling each other we are so happy that the other is alive and the time spent together is wonderful.


It's funny because as I begin to slide into a deeper depression, she is beginning to come out of one - rejuvenated and with a second chance on life.

My worst fear is that the only thing that will shake me out of my slump would be something like she had to go through, but at this point, I don't know if I'd have the will to fight it.

So very tired
so very very tired...


I planned a surprise party for her tomorrow afternoon. Told all the profs and students. Two huge carrot cakes sit taking up all the space and cold air in my fridge. Will have to cab it in and grab my camera bag along for the ride.

I don't think she suspects anything.

Oh and I know that she will be soo happy.

"And the times I thought that I was too weak to continue, I looked around me, and saw how blessed I was with all the people who love me and supported me through the whole thing - and it's as if through their love, I was able to survive and go through it."

You've come a long way mom - and everybody is cheering you on...

over whelm me

I got a call from Kory - he is all pumped about me working on this script with him.
And he's not messing around - got some heavy hitters: Ford motors for the cars, Panavison for the cameras, Kodak for the film stock, and other corporate companies who love to throw money at young filmmakers with a hot idea.

But the story is complicated - need a serious road map just to find my way in.

He's in Ottawa and I'm here - it will be tough to get script work done. Over the phone is all we can do now.

But the plot line has so many tentacles - too many I fear that the actual story might get strangled before it begins.

This is a huge endeavor, and for a first time filmmaker/writer, it's not something I would advise, but then again, people said I couldn't make my movies - well, I showed them all.

but those were small beans - student films
not dealing with the Canadian government, espionage/terrorism/million dollar heists.

It's huge - and I don't know if I have the energy to put into this right now.

Mom's chemo is rounding out a year next Tuesday.
Must remember to go to club price to pick up cake and coffee on the weekend.


Bloody snow.
It feels like November again - hibernation, stagnation, alienation

hello
hello
hello




I can't sleep - too much on my mind and weighing heavily on my heart. Blasted Prozac - supposed to make me happier, not wearier. Stabilize those lows - wash that man right outa your hair...

if it were only that easy



*spring comes,
and the grass
grows by itself*

me, moi, yo

Originally uploaded by Patrick T Power.

Patrick T Power took this while coming by to see my show at Madame x!
I'm still in shock that my stuff is hanging in NYC...

burn, to a crisp

After a two hour wait at the border, we got home, worn, exhausted - burnt to a crisp.
New York can drain the life out of you if you let it - can be a good thing, can be a bad thing.

The opening was great. I was just elated beyond anything that two new flickr friends made it out of their way to come by. That really made it worth while. Really...

The rest of the night was a blur of loud live bands, club hopping and too much wine. Sunday was the worst hangover I've had in years.
Should have known that the wine would have done me in - but hell. It was free...

Went to a Mexican restaurant that night - Mama Mexico. What a blast. Il, E and I went and drank pomegranate mohitos while a roaming mariachi band serenaded us (played happy birthday for me, as well as besame mucho - a real tear jerker...). Despite the fact that I was having my own marching band in my head, the evening was filled with laughs and good times.

good times...

but now I'm feeling low, reality check and things don't look so hot.
The darker side of life says: nobody from any of the hundreds of galleries you sent postcards to showed up, you spent over $1000 in frames and prints, with not one sale, and now what's next?

What's next?
I guess I'm the only one that can really answer that question, but I'm afraid to open my Pandora's box of wishes only to see that it's now empty...


I hate these crash and burns.

Burn, to a crisp.

the spread - part two - swords and knives...

Self: two of cups

The twos are related to the High Priestess. As such they indicate duality but, more importantly, they indicate instinctual knowledge. Aces are undirected energy; the twos are, in a sense, the knowledge of what the direction for that energy should take. Thus:

Two of Cups

This card of two people looking into each other's eyes is one of the easiest to read - it is recognition of love, of a friend or soul mate. It predicts that you will find someone who 'knows' you, and you, in turn, will 'know' them. It is a very Romeo & Juliet card. So, there is the direction for that swelling of emotion within you, toward this other person.

Foundation: Wheel of fortune

Basic Tarot Story

From out of hiding comes the Fool, into the sunlight, as if being pulled up from some low, dark point on a wheel. It is time for a change. Staff in hand, he heads back out into the world, expecting nothing. But, strangely, things seem to happen to him as the hours go by, good things. Wandering by water wheel a woman offers him a drink in a golden chalice, and then urges him to keep the cup, just because she likes him; as he wanders by a windmill, he stops to watch a young man swinging a sword; when he expresses his admiration of the weapon, the young man presses it into his hand, insisting that he take it.

And finally, when he comes upon a rich merchant sitting in a wagon, right over one of the wheels, the man hands him a bag of money. "I like giving away money," explains the Merchant, "and I decided, just randomly, that the tenth person who walked past me today would get this money. You're the tenth." The Fool hardly thought he could still be surprised, but he is. It is as if everything good that he ever did in his life is being paid back to him, three-fold. All luck this day is his.

Basic Tarot Meaning

With Jupiter as its ruling planet, the Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. Almost every definition of this card indicates abundance, happiness, elevation, luck. A change that just happens, and brings with it great joy.

Observations

As much as the Tarot is about what a Querent can do to change their life or self, there are cards that admit that sometimes you just get lucky. This card can mean movement, change and evolution, but its primary meaning always seems to say that such changes will seem to come out of the blue, a stroke of good, unexpected fortune. The person you're reading for is going to get that money, that job, that promotion, that special person, that break they've been waiting for. Call it Karmic payback for all the good things they've done in life, destiny or just luck, but whatever lotteries are out there, large or small, they've just won one.

Situation: night of swords

Knights or princes are the spirit of the teenager, all about changes. Knights are never still; as the pages/princesses suggest messages, the knights/princes suggest movement, travel.

Elementally, they are Air moving and flowing like that element. As a person, they're likely to stand for a young adult or someone who acts very like a teen. Their beliefs are purer than of adult, less cynical and more fierce. In this they are most knight like: powerfully, almost unquestioning loyal to a kingdom or cause.

Too smart for his own good, this young man is also too talkative. He's engages in flame wars on a dozen internet chat sites, he questions his teachers, he likes to play devil's advocate and argues with his friends and family just for the sake of arguing. This sharp mind and sharp tongue can, in the negative, lead him to spread gossip or nasty rumors just to see what will happen. If there's anything this knight will fight and die for, it is for freedom of information and speech.

Recent Past: 8 of coins

Eights are about moving, taking action, as Strength is a card of courage and transformation. It's very easy to let things stay as they are inside yourself or without (though, as the Eights warn, it's easy but damaging). It is much harder to gather up the willpower and mental strength to make a real change. A scary change. Like the Strength card, it is scary to approach that lion, but you can alter the relationship you have with it.

An apprentice works on eight pentacles. This is the apprentice card. It is a card of starting over, doing something new or perhaps just expanding. Apprenticeship can be scary or demoralizing, like in all those cliched movies where the Kung Fu youngster has to carry water and sweep floors before he can do the real stuff. Similarly, this card predicts, if not a tough time, a time of learning and mistakes, doubts and just hard work. The Querent needs to be told to keep up their courage, to either make this move into a new job or to stick with it if they've already made the move. Being an apprentice (or an apprentice again) will teach (or re-teach) them how to persevere.

The message of all Eights is that movement, a change of place, home, job or situation can lead to an internal transformation. All that is needed is the strength to go through with it.

Challenges/ Opportunities: Ace of Swords

Aces are the root force. They are the spark. Relate them to the Magician, who presents the tools to the Fool. They have no purpose yet, but are filled with raw potential. They are the active energy of the suit ready to be used. They can also indicate direction or season, though which stands for which is often debated. Here are the "usual" directions and seasons. If, however, they don't feel right to you, the reader, use whatever works best.

East/Spring
The mind awakening for new challenges. This usually indicates that the person's mind is feeling sharper, clearer. They want to talk, want to discuss or write. The breeze stirs through the trees and the flegling thinks of trying out its newly feathered wings. The sword is lifted, and the querent wants to test its edge.

Near Future: 9 of swords

Nine is a card of completion (so is Ten, but we'll get to that). Like the Hermit, who connects to the nines, it is a card where something is finished and the person in turn steps back to look on what he's done, earned, or gained. Nines are among the most powerful cards, usually granting the Querent what it is they, like the Hermit, are seeking.

A man wakes from a nightmare, nine swords on the wall. It can be a good thing to find what you seek, except when it comes to ideas, words or problems. Find too many of them and they will overwhelm you. We all know this card, it is the one where we wake up at night and go over our troubles, problems, worries, thoughts, what we said, what others said. The Querent must be told that while their problems may be real, they're blowing them out of proportion, making them worse, nightmarish. They are spending too many sleepless nights alone and awake with these words, ideas, problems. What they are really seeking is to wake from this bad dream - which they can do by realizing that it is a bad dream - most of it is in their head.

Blocks & Inhibitions: 8 of swords

Eights are about moving, taking action, as Strength is a card of courage and transformation. It's very easy to let things stay as they are inside yourself or without (though, as the Eights warn, it's easy but damaging). It is much harder to gather up the willpower and mental strength to make a real change. A scary change. Like the Strength card, it is scary to approach that lion, but you can alter the relationship you have with it.

A woman is tied and blindfolded within a cage of swords. This is the "damned if you do, damned if you don't," card. The Querent is in a situation where they're afraid to move. If they move, they'll get cut. However, the ropes that bind them, the blindfold over their eyes, are their own fears, keeping them still, immobile. And so the longer they stay, the more they constrain and entrap themselves. Ever been in a situation where you're afraid to say anything, so afraid that you second guess yourself, end up saying nothing, tying yourself in knots? But speaking up is going to get you cut to ribbons? That's this card. The Querent must have the strength to endure the cuts, else they'll stay trapped. They must move, for the longer they let the situation continue, the worse it will get.

The message of all Eights is that movement, a change of place, home, job or situation can lead to an internal transformation. All that is needed is the strength to go through with it.

Allies: 10 of swords

As the aces were the pure, elemental spark of the suit, the tens are the element of the suit complete. Not as in the nines, which are physical completion, but in a transcendent fashion. It is the ultimate good or bad of that element.

A man dead with ten swords in his back. It is a nasty looking card. Sometimes everything just... goes... wrong. And this is a card that lets the Querent know that, yes, things are as bad as he fears. The troublesome swords can't get much worse than this, with bad things said about the Querent, ruin of their lives. But as the fellow in the card indicates, the swords have done their worse. You can't be more dead. It is over.

Advice: Queen of cups

The element of Queens is water and, not surprisingly, they are a reflection of the Empress. In this they signify the creative force. One way to think of the court cards is this: The Kings are the motivating force (Fire = the sun waking up the sleeping Earth). The queens are the ones who make it real (water = rain bringing forth life from the earth). The Knights spread the idea of the Kingdom (wind = spreading the seeds). And the Pages, of course, are the fertile soil in which all of this can grow.

When Queens appear they signal a time of growth and development, a time when the Querent is making things real. Developing a romance, psychic powers, or the growth of a family.

Long-term Potential: two of coins

The twos are related to the High Priestess. As such they indicate duality but, more importantly, they indicate instinctual knowledge. Aces are undirected energy; the twos are, in a sense, the knowledge of what the direction for that energy should take.

Standing before the waves of an ocean, a fellow deftly juggles two pentacles. Is the meaning quite clear now? Yes, the instinctive knowledge of how to juggle finances, a check book, or jobs. As with the swords, you can't keep at it forever, but it is a good use to put your money or hard work to until your ship comes in. Which is what the background waves are all about - keep juggling, relief is on its way.

the spread

Self: Death

Basic Tarot Story

Having left the tree from where he hung, the Fool moves carefully through an fallow field, head still clearing from visions. The air is cold and wintery, the trees bare. Before him, he sees, rising with the sun, a skeleton in black armor mounted on a white horse. He recognizes it as Death. As it stops before him, he humbly asks, "Have I died?" He feels, in fact, rather empty and desolate. And the Skeleton answers, "Yes, in a way. You sacrificed your old world, your old self. Both are gone, dead." The Fool reflects on that, "How sad." Death acknowledges this with a nod. "Yes, but it is the only way to be reborn. A new Sun is rising, and it is, for you, a time of great transformation." As Death rides away, the Fool can feel the truth in those words. He, too, feels like a skeleton, all that he was stripped away. This, he understands, is how all great transformations start, by stripping things to the bone, and building fresh upon the bare foundations.

Basic Tarot Meaning

Yes, the Death card can signal a death in the right circumstances (a question about a very sick or old relative, for example), but unlike its dramatic presentation in the movies, the Death card is far more likely to signal transformation, passage, change. Scorpio, the sign of this card, has three forms: scorpion, serpent, eagle. The Death card indicates this transition from lower to higher to highest. This is a card of humility, and it may indicate the Querent as being brought low, but only so that they can then go higher than they ever have before. Wang notes that Death "humbles" all, but it also "exults." Always keep in mind that on this card of darkness there is featured a sunrise as well .

Observations

The connection of sex and death in Scorpio (the sign stands for both) is a strong indication of what this card is all about. We westerners see "Death" as a frightening card because we often see Death as an end, and we hate for things to come to an end. However, in other traditions, Death is just a natural and important, if sad part of an on-going cycle. In a karmic sense, you die so that you may be reborn. Winter comes so that there can be a spring, and we can only appreciate what we have when we know that there is loss. The Death card signals such things. This is a time of change. Time for something to end; but time also for something new to begin. The Querent may honestly be told that they may feel sad or empty, low, but that this will give him a way to rise again, like a phoenix from the ashes. Death is not the end. It is only the precursor to resurrection.

Situation: The hanged man

Basic Tarot Story

The Fool settles beneath a tree, intent on finding his spiritual self. There he stays for nine days, without eating, barely moving. People pass by him, animals, clouds, the wind, the rain, the stars, sun and moon. On the ninth day, with no conscious thought of why, he climbs a branch and dangles upside down like a child, giving up for a moment, all that he is, wants, knows or cares about. Coins fall from his pockets and as he gazes down on them - seeing them not as money but only as round bits of metal - everything suddenly changes perspective. It is as if he's hanging between the mundane world and the spiritual world, able to see both. It is a dazzling moment, dreamlike yet crystal clear. Connections he never understood before are made, mysteries are revealed.

But timeless as this moment of clarity seems, he realizes that it will not last. Very soon, he must right himself, and when he does, things will be different. He will have to act on what he's learned. For now, however, he just hangs, weightless as if underwater, observing, absorbing, seeing.

Basic Tarot Meaning

With Neptune (or Water) as its planet, the Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.

The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. This is a time of trial or meditation, selflessness, sacrifice, prophecy. The Querent stops resisting; instead he makes himself vulnerable, sacrifices his position or opposition, and in doing so, gains illumination. Answers that eluded him come clear, solutions to problems are found. He sees the world differently, has almost mystical insights. This card can also imply a time when everything just stands still, a time of rest and reflection before moving on. Things will continue on in a moment, but for now, they float, timeless.

Observations

Neptune is spirituality, dreams, psychic abilities, and the Hanged Man is afloat in these. He is also 12, the opposite of the World card, 21. With the World card you go infinitely out. With the Hanged Man, you go infinitely in.

This card signifies a time of insight so deep that, for a moment, nothing but that insight exists. All Tarot readers have such moments when we see, with absolute clarity, the whole picture, the entire message offered by a spread. The Hanged Man symbolizes such moments of suspension between physical and mystical worlds. Such moments don't last, and they usually require some kind of sacrifice. Sacrifice of a belief or perspective, a wish, dream, hope, money, time or even selfhood. In order to gain, you must give. Sometimes you need to sacrifice cherished positions, open yourself to other truths, other perspectives in order to find solutions, in order to bring about change. One thing is certain, whether the insight is great or small, spiritual or mundane, once you have been the Hanged Man you never see things quite the same.

Recent Past: Ace of cups
Aces are the root force. They are the spark. Relate them to the Magician, who presents the tools to the Fool. They have no purpose yet, but are filled with raw potential. They are the active energy of the suit ready to be used. They can also indicate direction or season, though which stands for which is often debated. Here are the "usual" directions and seasons. If, however, they don't feel right to you, the reader, use whatever works best.

These are the aces, the raw or initial passion, feelings, thoughts and needs that can be directed into something more. They represent hope, a possiblity, an action to take. The Querent can use them, or leave them behind. Choose wisely what you take up from the Magician's table for each has its pitfalls as well as pinnacles.

Ace of Cups

West/Fall
Emotions rising up for new love. This usually indicates that the querent is feeling a new welling of emotion or beginning to have some vivid dreams. They're not writing the poetry yet, but they feel the desire to, or they may have caught sight of a figure across a room and felt a tug at their heart. They've lifted the cup and they want to drink from it.

Challenges/ Opportunities: 6 of wands
Sixes are balance and harmony, especially after the upsets of the fives. These cards predict a solution, and not just any solution; there will be an exchange, a give and take that results in a new equilibrium. It may not last, but for that moment, everything is stable. With this card, there is an almost "Ah-HA!" of recognition, of understanding in the solution, and more than a little awe at the symmetry achieved by it.

If you connect the sixes to the Lovers card you'll see how it works. The "love" aspect of the Lovers card is that of recognition and equilibrium. Like Gemini, you recognize your twin, your soul mate. Maybe you didn't even know how uneven, how lopsided your life was, but now that you've met this person, you can feel the scales coming into balance. Here is harmony. Here is the solution.

Six of Wands
The Victory Card: A victorious man on a horse, applauded by all, enters carrying a wand with a laurel wreath. Here is the conclusion to what happened with the Five of Wands. Competition was fierce, an answer had to be found to make the Querent stand out, make them different, special. Ah-HA! says the 6 of Wands. The Querent has found (or will find) that solution. Success, in fact, requires that they be above all others, that they make themselves a champion of the people. Note the give-and-take common to all 6's. The crowd offers the victor applause. He, in turn, offers them a champion to adore. For this moment, both are happy, the victor with the adulation, the crowd with their hero.

Near Future: Ace of swords

East/Spring
The mind awakening for new challenges. This usually indicates that the person's mind is feeling sharper, clearer. They want to talk, want to discuss or write. The breeze stirs through the trees and the flegling thinks of trying out its newly feathered wings. The sword is lifted, and the querent wants to test its edge.

Foundation: The Empress

Basic Tarot Story

Having decided what shape his future will take, the Fool strides forward. But he is impatient to make his future a full-grown reality. This is when he comes upon the Empress. Hair gold as wheat, a crown of stars, a white gown dotted with pomegranates. She rests back on her throne surrounded by an abundance of grain and a lush garden. It is possible that she is pregnant.

Kneeling, the Fool relates to her his story. And she, in turn, smiles a motherly smile and gently gives him this advice: "Like newly planted grain or a child in the womb, a new life, a new love, a new creation is fragile. It requires fertile soil, patience and nurturing, it needs love and attention. Only this will bring it to fruition." Understanding at last that his future will take time to build and create, the Fool thanks the Empress and continues on his way.

Basic Tarot Meaning

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone,

Observations
The Empress card is one of the easier trumps to read. She's Mother. Generally, Mother in a good sense. Patient, loving, giving, generous. If defining her as the Querent, you can say that they are currently feeling like a mother hen, worried about their children, new business, new creation, new romance. Male or female, they want to dote and hover and fret over every little sneeze and problem. If defining the Empress as someone related to the Querent, well, it might well be the Querent's Mom, or a woman who's very motherly toward them.

Of course, the Empress can also be the worst aspects of an attentive Mom; she can smother, not know when to let go, be possessive and jealous of those who would take away her "baby." It is important for the Querent to realize that plants can die from over-watering as easily as neglect.

This card tells the Querent that if they want their new romance, new career, new business, new creation to grow into all it can be they have to pay attention to it, baby it and be willing to let it take those first steps when it is ready. Most of all, like any pregnant mother or good gardener, they have to be patient. All things need time to gestate and sprout.

Higher Power: 5 of swords

When trying to read the Fives, think of the Hierophant. The Hierophant represents a teacher, counselor, or priest, someone who advises people when they're in trouble. Likewise, the Fives are unique cards in that each one seems to pose both a problem and an answer. After four fairly smooth cards of growth and development, the fives represent the fly in the ointment. Instability; the changes that make one humble and allow for growth.

Of the question asked of the Hierophant by a troubled supplicant, the problem is real world. The answer, however, appropriate to the Hierophant, is usually spiritual or at least pragmatic. Understand that all Fives temper the Querent - you go through the fire, the low points, the hard times, in order to come out stronger.

Five of Swords

A smirking young man gathers up swords won in battle from two losers. In arguments and battles of ideas there are going to be times when one just loses or has to surrender. The worst of these is when the winner is an awful person, a bully, braggart, a cheat, someone who used an unfair advantage to win. But it happens. The problem: "How can I win in an argument with this person?" The answer/prediction: "You can't. All you can do is not argue." This is the closest to a win one can come to in this situation. But if the Querent feels they must argue, then they need to be prepared to learn from it, not allow feelings of failure, anger or blame to overcome them.

Blocks & Inhibitions: 6 of coins

Sixes are balance and harmony, especially after the upsets of the fives. These cards predict a solution, and not just any solution; there will be an exchange, a give and take that results in a new equilibrium. It may not last, but for that moment, everything is stable. With this card, there is an almost "Ah-HA!" of recognition, of understanding in the solution, and more than a little awe at the symmetry achieved by it.

If you connect the sixes to the Lovers card you'll see how it works. The "love" aspect of the Lovers card is that of recognition and equilibrium. Like Gemini, you recognize your twin, your soul mate. Maybe you didn't even know how uneven, how lopsided your life was, but now that you've met this person, you can feel the scales coming into balance. Here is harmony. Here is the solution.

A wealthy man holding scales hands out money to the poor. This card really reflects the idea of all the 6's--how give and take creates balance and harmony. The man wants to balance the scales, but has one coin too many. By giving it away, he gets his balanced scales, and the beggar benefits. Thus, the prediction of this card is that money, work or health woes can be solved by way of a gift, benefit, free promotional items or scholarship. They need to give it away, you can really use it, so take it. Balance achieved, problem solved on both sides. Alternately, this card can also indicate the opposite as well, the Querent, if well off, might be reminded that generosity is a good way to solve other problems. Need a tax break? Give to charity. Two problems solved, harmony restored.

Allies: 4 of wands

Fours are ruled by the Emperor. Like both the Emperor and his throne they signify a kind of stability, a holding pattern if you will. For a moment, everything is still, solid, rooted, established. This can be positive, a solid foundation, or negative, something that refuses to budge or change.

Four of Wands
The ships have come in, and the Querent can sit back and enjoy them. This card, with its four wands holding up garlands, implies the foundation of a house, literally and figuratively. Whatever the Querent has been building, they have established it, strong and solid. They can take a moment to admire what they've done, enjoy the first rewards it has brought them, and bask in their initial success. Sometimes this card suggests marriage; once again, laying the foundation for the future.

Advice: 8 of wands

Eights are about moving, taking action, as Strength is a card of courage and transformation. It's very easy to let things stay as they are inside yourself or without (though, as the Eights warn, it's easy but damaging). It is much harder to gather up the willpower and mental strength to make a real change. A scary change. Like the Strength card, it is scary to approach that lion, but you can alter the relationship you have with it.

Eight of Wands
Eight wands cut across the sky. The power and energy of eight combined with the energy of wands makes this a card of movement and expansion. There is no fear in the Querent at all! This is the card of a person who, on seeing that lion, says, "Allow me!", rolls up their sleeves, shoves everyone out of the way, strides up and raps the beast on the nose. "Don't you try to push me around!" they snap.

A lot of things are going to be happening fast, and the Querent is going to revel in and handle all of them. This will likely include trips - and the Querent will want to drive or fly him/herself, likely. Fast. No need to slow down or be impatient, with this card, you can really move, change, do.

Long-term Potential; 10 of wands

As the aces were the pure, elemental spark of the suit, the tens are the element of the suit complete. Not as in the nines, which are physical completion, but in a transcendent fashion. It is the ultimate good or bad of that element.

Ten of Wands
A man carries ten heavy wands on his back. This is a card that says that the Querent has used up all the energy they started with at the ace. They don't feel that creative, driving force any more. The image on this card implies that the Querent has complete control of all the many things he wanted control over. He is the leader, the boss. But this means that all the burdens are his as well. He's trying to do everything, and it leaves him drained. Advise your Querent to delegate, to put down some burdens and find his energy again.

off to the city that never sleeps, and neither do I for that matter...

Had a nice quiet non-eventful birthday - woke up, haircut, a nap, work around the house, dishes and washing, over to mom's for some swiss chalet bbq chicken, tiramisu cake, and then back home.

Thank God I took the opportunity to pamper myself the day before, otherwise I really would have been depressed.

The nails look nice, all purty around with the hair and that.

but stressed - can't sleep.

Decaf-espresso is a myth.

I'm living proof.



So we are off in the morning.
E is waking me up at 7am. On the road by 8 perhaps?

A got married last weekend.

Already.
How time flies.

Next week I'll be saying how quickly this week went by.
Then it will be the week after and I will be back in NYC to pick up my frames, and life will go back to normal, mundane regular joe blow everydayness.

How do I top this one??

Stay tuned, and wish me luck in nyc and on my opening night Saturday from 7-9pm.
Madame X

*gulp*!!
my little pix of me in the buffsy

in New york city.

how funny is that?

countdown

biosculpting my nails 2mrw
electro/vaxing with mary at 3
shaitsu massage at 7:30pm


April 4th
1:30 haircut
Birthday
chill out

Sounds like a plan...