My breasts are like a well marbled porterhouse steak

my breasts (according to my ultrasound of them today) look like a well marbled porterhouse steak.

Unfortunately, those are not my melons, so I thank whoever put those up on the net for me to make this wonderful analogy.

While mom was going for her PET scan, i was seeing the breast specialist about the lump in my left armpit near my breast. He looked at the mammograms, other ultrasounds, and then decided it needed further investigation. Two hours later, at the other side of town, i saw him again, this time, radio waves would bounce off them to send home pretty pictures.

He explained the whole image: "this is your rib, muscle tissue, fatty layer..."

"Geeze. That looks exactly like the porterhouse steak I had yesterday on the bbq"

He laughed aloud.

"that's the first time i ever heard that one before!"

"It looks like a good one. Well marbled..."

He laughed again. And then I began to laugh at the nonchalant way those things just rolled off of my tongue. Yea, that was pretty fricking funny.

They found the lump and took a biopsy. I saw the needle go in - black and white - live feed. In and out, "jiggling it a bit to get all the cells we can." It began to hurt.

"We're almost done."

And then we were.

The results. Did I really want to know?

"you can either pay to have them done here, and you get the results in 10 minutes, or you can wait to get them from the hospital in 2 weeks."

What do you think I chose?

so for 10 minutes, i tried not to stress, thinking that if it was indeed breast cancer or the beginnings of it, there was nothing I could do at that point, only move forward the best way I could. I ran the elliptical tape of spanish phrases and verbs in my head to drown out the ticking of the clock.

I walked into his office, sat down and watched him look at my dossier.

"it's normal. No cancer. You have nothing to worry about."

That is the best two words anybody can say to me. "I do" was the one that E told me a month ago, and "no cancer" today. I walked outside, relieved and tired. Had only slept 4 hours the night before. Perhaps exhaustion beyond normal fatigue is a good way to combat stress. Maybe not, but today it worked.

Mom might get her results on Friday. I want to go with her, and feel that i should, but I would like BSpgty to come along. We all support each other - I support mom, and BSpgty supports me and my mom. Mom supports BSpgty and myself.

I really really hope mom she gets those same two words.

I hope...