it just does not stop...

I'm cursed.

This shit does not stop.

Went to see my doc the other day.
She wants to send me to another specialist. As soon as possible.
Our insurance is already maxed out from 4 ultrasounds, two specialized tests and one MRI. This is going to bankrupt us. And we are not even in the U.S!!

wtf?

nice to have money it would be...


but we don't and that's the reality.

Nobody in their right mind would hire me now. I'm sick too often, and mom has been in and out of hospitals for years. I need to take care of her if she needs me.

I need to take care of myself.

Another shocker, the doctor told me: "we might have to look into this radical surgical procedure in the near future. You did have problems in the past..."

I almost cried on the spot.

I went home and cried like a baby for hours and hours.

This would totally be a lifestyle change.
No more running or any strenuous activity. Ever again...
Not to mention 3-4 months rehabilitation time...


going to be 42 on april 4th.

Happy fucken birthday to me.

This year started off in the hospital, i wonder where i will spend my birthday?

I have tried to call my other doctor (yet another bodypart gone bad) and he has yet to return my calls.

nothing.

Waiting and waiting.

I have waited 3 months in severe pain and will have to wait another one to see anybody. And this after being put standby on a cancelation list.

I'm so fed up. Ultimately fed up and let down.
And oh yea, did I mention that I'm bipolar as well?

Times like this i wish I had just taken the leap into the unknown so many years ago. Ended it all. One last breath and no more pain.

regret is a dangerous thing.
Almost as dangerous as suicide...