What you need to know.
What i'm going through is real.
It's pain, it's horror, it's fear and hopelessness.
It's real and if I could possibly have any wish is that everybody on the planet who says that "bipolar illness isn't real" have one day in my shoes during one of my worst episodes.
But I know that will never happen, so it remains my mission to give a shout out whenever I can. To educate the ignorant and to shout at those who choose to feign hearing loss.
It's All in Your Head And Other Thoughtless Things Said!
By Marcia Purse
How often have you been accused of whining or being a hypochondriac? Do people think you are just a complainer, an attention-seeker, when depression makes it difficult for you to cope with daily life? Are you told that "there is absolutely nothing wrong with you?" Do people tell you to "get over yourself?" I am sure that everyone with bipolar disorder has had those completely thoughtless things said which we can quote verbatim 5, 10 and even 30 years down the road.
Sometimes those with whom we interact can be narrow minded and cutting. And for every person who says something deliberately hurtful to a person with mental illness, there are a dozen who say things thoughtlessly or out of ignorance. Unfortunately, regardless of intent, words wound, fester and scar.
The following is a short list of things people say that are often intended to be helpful, but are actually tactless. Perhaps these will better equip you to respond to the thoughtless comments and to illustrate the need for each of us to better think through our word choices.
What was said: It's all in your head. You are a hypochondriac.
What may have been perceived: You are either completely deluded or making an excuse for poor behavior in order to get my sympathy. I don't believe in that psychiatric mumbo jumbo. I don’t believe that you actually have a real illness.
The Fallacy: Mental health problems are the result of a character flaw or weak personality. Mental illnesses are not real diseases.
The Facts: Bipolar Disorder is a medical illness with a physical cause probably rooted in structural or biochemical abnormalities in the brain. In short, it is very real, just like diabetes or heart disease.
What was said: We all go through times like this.
What was perceived: You are overreacting. Stop making mountains out of molehills. You can't handle life as well as I can.
The Fallacy: Everyone has the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.
The Facts: An article by David A. Kahn, M.D., and colleagues entitled Treatment of Bipolar Disorder: A Guide for Patients and Families1 offers an excellent perspective for addressing this fallacy. "We all experience a variety of moods -- happiness, sadness, anger, to name a few. Unpleasant moods and changes in mood are normal reactions to everyday life, and we can often identify events that caused our mood to change. However, when we experience mood changes or extremes that are out of proportion to events or come 'out of the blue' and make it hard to function, these changes may be due to a mood disorder."
What was said: Just shake it off.
What was perceived: You've created this problem for yourself, so just get over it and move on. I am out of patience with you. Don't bother me with this again.
The Fallacy: Everyone can and should control their emotions.
The Facts: Bipolar disorder is a medical condition. Those with this disorder can no more snap out of it or shake it off then those with a broken leg.
What was said: He must be demon possessed.
What was perceived: I am righteous. You are not. Everyone who believes in God is perfect and does not struggle in life. You are a sinner and got what you deserved.
The Fallacy: Bipolar Disorder is the result of misconduct.
The Facts: Bipolar disorder is not your fault. It is not the result of something you did or didn’t do. "Bipolar disorder has no single proven cause, but research suggests the illness is due to abnormalities in the way some nerve cells in the brain function or communicate." (Kahn et al, 2004).
Sources:
Kahn, D.A., Keck, P.E., Perlis, R.H., Otta, M.W., & Ross, R. (2004). Treatment of Bipolar Disorder: A Guide for Patients and Families2.
2 comments:
mental illness and chronic physical illness can sometimes bring out the worst in ftiends and aquaintances. I've had tto drop one or two because of how hurt I have been when the pull yourself together phrase apppears or the short tempered if you'd only go and do this (too expensive, immpossoble on a bus etc) you'd be sorted. even the "helpful" "friendly" sort out suggestions can get tedious/repetitive/diheartening
I agree 110%. It's a disease. A chemical imbalance in the brain. I feel like asking my doctor for my initial MRI and PET scans when I was first diagnosed with bipolar to show people: "HERE! SEE THIS AREA? WELL, IN NORMAL PEOPLE, IT"S NOT LIT UP LIKE THIS!!!" IT IS REAL AND HERE IS THE PROOF!
But most people would not know what a normal PET/MRI would look like so the point would fall on deaf ears.
Or perhaps they choose to remain ignorant. Put your head in the sand and hope it goes away on it's own. How many times do people turn away when a homeless person asks for help? Out of sight, out of mind...
I think the worst thing about mental illness is that the people closest to you shun you, ignore your pain and suffering and dismiss it as nothing but being weak in character. " Would you tell somebody who has diabetes that they are weak in character? Well, mental illness is a disease, a chemical imbalance. Diabetics take medicine, and so do we. A medical condition is a medical condition any way you slice it"
Oh how i have heard the "just pull yourself up by your bootstraps", or "you'll get over it" and "just stop thinking so negatively!" If I had a dollar every time somebody said that to me, I'd be a millionaire...
I think the most painful feelings come from people who you think know you well - family and very close friends. They see you suffering, they see your pain, but still, they choose not to acknowledge that for whatever reason, which just makes matters worse. If you can't count on family, who can you count on?
I've learned my lesson the hard way, but it still stings when I have to stand up for myself and debunk the myths and stereotypes that have become ingrained in the public psyche for so long.
As I type this, i am so very anxious to transfer my film to a medium resolution so I can finally post it to youtube. It's old, grainy and looks like a student film, but the message is there and it's real. Very real.
I know that there are some people in my life that need to see it to believe it, and hopefully, once it's up, you can share it with those skeptics in your life as well.
Take care my dear.
know that you are in my thoughts and prayers... :-)
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