Because I still struggle with this...

as promised, and long overdue, my first sound 16mm student film. I made this during the first year of (my 2nd degree) Film Production specialization in what is now called the Mel Hoppenheim school of cinema.

The sound is crap, i know. The picture is shitty but the idea is there and for now,

that is all that matters...

(tip - click on the little square between the bars and the "Vimeo" logo". This way you can see it larger, which is better...)


Clair Obscure - a visual autobiography from Kathy Slamen on Vimeo.

I did everything here, aside from act.

That is my voice you hear. This is my experience you are seeing.

My professor warned me about the pitfalls about making a film on mental illness, because it was a complicated subject, and because i was a rookie, there was a fine line that needed to be balanced upon - because too serious or too light and the message would not come across as intended. I'd either end up with a bad comedy or a bad horror film.

But i was determined, and for 6 months of my life, i was this film in ever sense of the word. And my professor as well as a few close friends and family believed in me when nobody else did. And the day i had my final "rough cut", 12 people were stunned silent for minutes as they absorbed the film they just saw.

And this film has gone on to touch lives, win awards and open minds to what is the major leading cause of illness next to cancer - mental illness.

After the past two years of my public struggle with manic depression, the urgency to put this film "out there" and embark on a new project has come, but I have to lay the foundations first.

This film has already won numerous awards, brought many people to tears, but in the end, it was about sharing my story with the world, and i think that after all is said and done, perhaps this is my purpose in life - to illuminate, educate and reach out to those who are familiar and not so familiar with this disease.

So the next time somebody says that mental illness is not real, tell them from somebody who suffers from it - mental illness is a cancer of the mind and spirit.

it's real, and this film and i are living proof...

i am the little filmmaker that could...