it's all good bro...

I am so happy that i dragged my sleepless restless body outside today to meet an old friend.  He was Big in our Sex and La Cite. He was perfect for the role, but then again, everybody was bang on. We all still talk about those wonderful times. Everybody says: "that was once in a lifetime chemistry that we had", and because of my writing, i was the seed that made it happen.

BUT anyway...

so I met with E and went to his bachelor pad. Not bad for a bachelor pad I must say. and the guy is pretty tidy for a dude. So we caught up, talked a lot of shop talk, which was nice. it had been a while since i spoke cinema speak with anybody other than myself. He's working grip on a youtube sensation that will now be featured on the food channel - Bitchin Kitchen. Funny, our greek boy in the play actually plays the greek boy/fish monger/meat specialist. Oh i had a laugh when he told me about that.


And then we spoke of future projects. He really does value my opinion and we have always worked so well together - the last one was Travesty where I DPd. Apparently, lots of people though it was really well shot. Thank you very much :-)

but until today, i had yet to see the complete version.

Two years later - hello?

but he was busy with other more important things, so i wasn't going to hold it against him. I know he is true to his word. But the new stuff, very cool. Period piece with lots of CGI. Could be lots of fun...

And then we watched the famous Travesty. A fun little short film, until I saw the last 5 minutes, and some spots out of focus... FOCUS!?!

I didn't come down hard on him, but i said: "bro, you're kidding me. I know I shot more footage than that?!!"

"but bro - I was telling you: "Just do a master shot" and thank god you were shooting some extra stuff cause without that, we would have been doomed. And I was just telling people it was a stylistic thing - you know, like Arrested Development."

"oh my dear E. We are nowhere near being rich or famous enough to have the creative license to be able to pull out of focus shots for the sake of "style". This just looks like crap! Sorry, I know you have picture lock and are waiting on sound, but dude! It's out of focus!!"

Well, he conceded that it was not a good thing, and for my demo reel, it would not look good with out of focus shots, when I'm the one who has to be watching that everything looks good!

Well, for 3 minutes of film time, we worked 3 hours!!
how insane is that?! But oh I loved every minute of it! I just love editing!

"you are a storyteller, and editing is a way of putting the visual pieces of the narrative puzzle together to tell one single story. No wonder you love it so much - and you do it well...

So we decided to meet again - he will bring all his HDs and I have Final cut pro on my mac, and then to work on the final things - color correction, sound, but I think it will be a fun film. And I need to pad my cinema resume. I'm proud of my film one (it's almost 5 pages!!) but i need stuff that will pay the bills too.

speaking of photography, he still has that photo I gave him for his birthday once - the sculpture in new york. He says that it's one of his favorites.

That was a small joy today...

Since we met - from day one of the play, I always got along with the guys. They took me as one of their own. Literally. I was the "dude" and E's "bro(ther)". I love that - guys can feel comfortable with me.  Like the time E and P and I drove down to NYC for a few days, and than met Z. it was the Boyz night out, and I was the only one in heels (for that moment at least).

Oh good times.

I need to reconnect. I'm feeling so disjointed lately, and sleep? What sleep. 3 hours a night max. Pulled two all nighters in the past 5 days. I almost collapsed the other night, but boy, i slept like a rock. I had forgotten how nice a sold nights sleep could be.

3am and kinda jittery and kinda tired.

Happy as a pig in shit that i finished my intro trailer to my site. it looks cool (although, youtube is stingy on bandwidth - cause the images look all pixilated) but for somebody who has only known that program for a month, it's not bad at all.

So I've been telling peeps that after my surgical procedure from hell (back to back stuff. Euch.) I will need visitors as I will be out for at least a week, if not more, depending on what they find, if they find anything at all, so I will be taking people into my home, and into my life again. A new page, a new chapter, a new beginning.

back to the things that made me feel whole - film, photograph and writing.

"It's all good bro."

Yes, my friend, today really is...




Untitled from Kathy Slamen on Vimeo.

you truly are a gift...

Boob doc 2mrw. Time to check up on my well marbled porterhouse steak breast tissue.

Got the confirmation for my g-scope next monday (first one in - THANK GOD), just waiting on the surgery confirm.

Pain. Serious.
Had somebody in from out of town last night. Was quiet as a mouse. I had to breathe through the stabbing jolts. Spent more time breathing than talking.
I have a place where they are to visit. I just wish I could be well enough for the long flight down. Right now - 10 minutes is all I can take sitting down before i have to lie down again. A 10 hour flight would kill me...

Did lots of news for my website updates.
Wow.
Lots of shit going on!!
My CV looks pretty damn impressive. Almost 5 pages long. And that is just the photography stuff. There is also the writing and cinema CV's. It's a shame that I'm not making any money off this stuff. And it's definitely not for a lack of trying.

My luck as always...

And apparently, my cards were selected to be part of the ABAD show in Croatia! Could the Eastern European block countries be my next market? First Ukraine, now Croatia!? Very cool indeed.

Next show - Morrocco.
Was offered a place to say there for four nights c/o the organizers. What a dream that would be, but alas, $$, $$ $$. Rubbing two pennies together is tough, i can't even fathom 2000$...

but i can always dream right?

Had a phone call from Charlotte the other day.

It was so nice to talk to her. We reminisced about our Sex and La Cite days and said that we should do something again.

Writing with her came so naturally and talk about comedic chemistry!

It was so nice to be able to do something that made people laugh.

I need to laugh on days like these.

Sadness has begun to take its toll.

but Charlotte said something that made me smile, and made me feel so appreciated in a world and time where and when I don't feel so much so:

"Some people I know bitch about everything, and some people who are going through only half of what you are going through drone on endlessly about their miseries. You don't - you laugh. That in my book is quite amazing. You know hpk, you truly are a joy and a gift to all those people who have you in their lives. You always laugh, and that is just wonderful."

I was almost in tears. 

What a wonderful thing to say!

Amazing how a few little words could go so far in healing this wounded spirit and body...

I need to hear things like that these days.

Thank you Charlotte!!

a letter to a friend with news on mom and reflections on the "c" word

I have to make this short, it's been a long fucken day

Surgery went well - they got the shit out - including her appendix.
They are pretty sure it was the cancer coming back - she said something weird: "I might have to retire - the cancer is aggressive, and it will come back again and i'm okay with that..."

Every time i hear this it makes me think of resignation

"Yea, but your tumors - the others that they thought were the "end all of your life - the last batch - shrunk and disappeared..."

"yea, you're right..."

Its so hard to be fighting for her.

I know that i will have some fighting of my own to do soon too. It will only be a matter of time until I get something to do with skin cancer - my chances are now up to 85% that i will get it in my lifetime (it also runs in families) - both parents with cancer, the shit that is up with my cervix (they found abnormal cells - see the doctor in september...) if something happens to me, i won't be able to take care of her...

fucken hell. the mind is starting to spiral again.

not good.

but i don't have cancer yet, and she is on the road to recovery, but i can't help but have all this shit hang in the back of my mind all the time....

anyway sweetie - sorry to sound like a downer.

I need sleep - long day today followed by another 2mrw.

It's so hard to be positive when you are so tired.

Why is that so?

If being happy takes so much effort, how can being happy be a good thing?

Doing my silly monologue thing.

Dangerous when i find myself starting to sound like Carrie Bradshaw mind melting with Camus...

A brief brief.

It's late again.
Almost quarter to four.
Spent most of the night airing my grievances with Charlotte.
The director brought in a 'replacement' director.
He was arrogant, stuck up and asked us 'So what is your point about this play?'

ITS A COMEDY!??
WE WANT TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH?

Do you need any other good reasons?

What Carrie (soon to be non - director) said that we were unprofessional becasue we didn't have a finished script, we were late bla bla bla and that this uber big (??!!) director was not impressed with our energies. I felt like saying - "AH HELLO!!? Have you been up 18 - 20 hours a day for the past three weeks typing your fingers to the bone, having almost daily meetings about the script, where it was going, who was what and where? And you think you're just gonna sail in here, look down on us and say we're unprofessional and low on energy!?

(excuse my French but) GIVE ME A FUCKEN BREAK!!!!!

We were not impressed by the fact that Carrie did not mention to us beforehand that she was going to bring him (she did it on the spur of the moment) so we could have at least been prepared (and at least have slept!!) - so that was a major downer. So after me venting on Charlotte and saying that Yes, I agree, we have the vision and we really know what we want with this thing - so hell!! Why don't we just co-direct this thing!!!
She liked the idea, so folks, not only will I be master of the pen, but it looks like I'll have some of my fingers in the stew as well!! I told her that film and theater are two different animals, and that I would not feel comfortable doing it alone, but two heads are better than one, and I feel that she has more stage experience so I would not mind if she took the lead if she felt the need to. So that works fine by me. Fine by me.

So that is the scoop.
I am so used to going on three hours of sleep I think that my body is just going to be falling off in little chunks soon as I am walking around the city in the next few days - you know, like those old junk heap cars - there goes a hubcap. Oops, there just went the passenger side door.

Oops, seems like my right ear and my left boob just fell off about two blocks ago, but shit, my eye just rolled across the street - it's easier to get fake boobs and are more functional than a glass eye so...

Priorities Priorities..
Babble Babble of the incoherent madwoman...

A happy day, a sad day...

THIS POST HAPPENED TO FIND IT WAY SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN WHERE ITS SUPPOSED TO BE...


FIND MY PLACE HOME...


What a day of ups and downs!
Just as I was getting rid of the visitor and that crazy roller coaster ride...

Went to rehearsal today. Charlotte said that we were going to work on specific exercises to bring us deeper into our characters, explore our boundaries and expand ourselves. I had no clue what to expect, but was looking forward to something interesting.

I have no formal training in theater - so all of this is completely new to me. All the rehearsals, the blocking, the memorizing of the lines, it's all such a rush! As a little girl I dreamed about acting, but knew that it took alot of hard work and that not everybody made it. It would have been a tough life. I think it took me this long to realize that at the place I am in my life right now, all my 'life experience' behind me,l I am in a good spot to try acting. It takes a certain level of maturity and self-knowledge to be able to use yourself as a vehicle for whatever character you are going to play.

So we did the standard exercises - warm up, shake down etc. Then we started to get a little funky. That is when Charlotte pulled out a blanket and said:Are we all ready to have some fun?

The purpose of this exercise was all about trust and concentration. With one person lying on the blanket, on the floor, the rest of the group stood around them. Standing over the sleeping person, we moved our hands over their body, concentrating and imagining them as weightless. At the count of three, all of us took our little spot on the blanket and lifted the person up to about eye level, then on another que - up above out heads. The first one was trippy. Carrie lay down on the blanket. Her tiny frame covered the length and we had to tuck her long hair behind her head so we wouldn't end up tugging it by mistake. We all took a deep breath, paced our breathing together and lifted. She felt so light! She said that she felt the same way too. We then hoisted her above our heads and kept her up about 10 seconds and then carefully set her back down. The look on her face on the way back down was that of complete peace.Oh my God guys! That was so trippy! I felt like I was floating! Hearing that, everybody who was first apprehensive asked to go next.

We cycled through the whole gang of 10. When it got to my turn, I was a wee bit nervous - I am afraid of heights, but hopped into the center of the ring. I was already pretty relaxed so I tried to keep my composure on the way up. Well, let me tell you! It was as if I was floating in water, high above the room! And on the way down!! Even more bizarre - gravity takes its toll, pushing down on you but at the same time, you are being suspended and think you are still high up, not anticipating the floor. It felt like I was descending for 5 minutes. An experience unlike any I had before. We all got a kick out of it...

The next series of exercises were for our characters - in one set, we had to say our lines in the way we would normally, and the second - exaggerate to the maximum - body gestures, voice - everything to boot. It's interesting how 'reserved' people are normally, even actors. The difference between their exaggerated personas and their 'normal' ones was like night and day; the exaggerated versions often a lot stronger and more convincing than the later. Sometimes over the top is good - but through this exercise, we were able to feel and compare the two and try to find a middle ground.

The one I thought was most amusing was the three way conversation. The main person sat in the middle and two other characters sat on either side. The purpose of this was to practice concentration while two streams of dialogs going on. The results were hysterical! The funniest one was when Miranda waa being bombarded by Steve and Big. Keeping in character the whole time, we watched her evolution from calm cool and collected to the quick tempered redhead firing off sarcastic one liners to each guy. We 'exercised' for about 4 hours. It 's an understatement to say that it was a full afternoon!

On a sad note, a good friend of mine, Matt, had to accompany his sister to the vet to put her cat down. He called me while I was in rehearsal - he was really upset. I wish I had the opportunity to talk to him because I know what that is like. Such sadness on a shitty Saturday afternoon. My prayers are with you my dear.