cancer of the mind - a letter to a friend

This was a letter I wrote to a friend. Too tired to comment...



Withdrawl symptoms are hard. I'm trying to go down gradually - 35 mg per two weeks, but I can feel it already - the nausea, the headaches, the achey flu like symptoms, but the worst is the fading hope, the dark cloud that keeps on getting bigger and bigger.

I equate it to a mental cancer - this depression eats away at my view on life, tainting it, making it ill, corroded, ugly and deadly. Each day is a struggle to keep afloat. Fucken medication.

I'm trying accupuncture - I have nothing left to lose at this point. I'm trying to go every week. The menu of meds I take every morning make me feel like a walking department store of pills and I wonder if I ever went off of them, would my body ever be able to function properly.

I look at my mother and she's one of the reasons I'm still alive. Without her to be my inspiration, I don't know where I'd be now. If she can go through cancer and chemo, I can go through this. The thing is, like I said before, this is a cancer of the mind which affects the body which effects the morale, which effects my existance. It's more complicated than I thought it would be.