How are you doing?How is baby and pappy?
Did you get the cd? Likey da pictures? You must be swamped with people wanting to see baby, your parents coming from out of town, man's best friend conducting a pagan ceremony by the glow of the full moon.
I hope you are keeping rested.
I'm struggling.
Lots of struggling.
Working 9 to 5 in a really "officized" acedemic job is taking its toll on me. It's wearing away at my spirit and creativity.
I mourn the loss of my joy for photography and life in general.
My health is worsening. I've been blocked up for so long now. Tried everything. Going through withdrawal of the effexor, while going on two new meds for my IBS (stomach/bowel problems).
I hate this: one med traded in for another.
Fuck.
But I keep it inside, trying to stay afloat, looking at my mother and marvelling at her beauty, how strong she has become, and wonder if I would be as courageous as she if the tables were turned.
Going with E's parents 2mrw, then my mom's on Monday.
I sleep lots in between.
Every motion of a shutting eyelid brings dreams of plane crashes and dead people everywhere.
Terrifying dreams.
I watch myself watching jumbo jet engines passing within a hair of my bedroom window, and ask myself:
'what will be next?"
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