"Dont blame us for her mood"

I came across this image while doing a search for PMS on Flickr.
I must say - it's images like this one that make me infuriated!
I would love nothing more than to take the ad exec who thought up this sick add, and lock him in my body during the worst 8 days of my life which happen once a month, every month, for the past 28 years of my life...

PMS has been something I have been struggling with for years, actually as long as I can remember. I was simultaneously diagnosed with PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder), hypothyroidism and manic-depression after my first major breakdown at 20. I had been suffering in silence for years, not knowing what was happening to my body. To top it all off, my period was never regular, which would mean, I would PMS twice, sometimes three times a month.

Shortly after taking Prozac, my symptoms began to fade; periods became regular and those 8-15 days of hell each month shrunk down to 1-3 at most. Even those were not as bad as previous years.

Years later, the pms came back. Prozac began to lose its effect on me. I spiraled into another depression.

4 years after that, I joined a study on Effexxor and the efficacy of this drug and PMS. After establishing the right dosage, I was better again. This lasted for about 8 years. Then all hell broke loose.

Started all over again about 4 years ago. Started taking Welburtin, added some Topomax, then Neurontin, and now Lamictal. Nothing seems to work anymore, and the PMS is back again, more severe than ever. I dread the week before I bleed. There are times when I wish I could just have a hysterectomy and be done with it.

I become a monster when I pms. Not only am I volatile in mood, my whole body goes out of whack: my sense of smell becomes heightened, constant head splitting migraines, body aches so severe, I can't even stand or walk, cravings that would put a pregnant woman to shame, bloating, constipation.

But I've left out the mental disturbances...

This cornucopia of meds have already (and are) weaking havoc on my system, but PPMD throws everything into overdrive - everything to the power of 1000. I turn into a demonic shadow of my former self.

And this is with the medications that keep me from losing control...
It really rubs me the wrong way when others make fun of women who have pms. It also bothers me when other 'womanly ills" such as Post Partum Depression get more press and attention than something EVERY woman might suffer. Not every woman has a baby, but we all get our period...

Pre-menstural syndrome is still taboo. And being bi-polar in addition to that makes me feel even more like a monster than I can already be without it.


(I guess I am pmsing. The warning signs are so evident, and I try to make light of the situation, but when I'm already feeling like disappearing from the world, when taking my next breath seems like a chore, dealing with shedding part of what makes me a woman is just a lucid nightmare waiting to unfold.)