failure

Have I mentioned lately that I feel like a total failure?
Body failure, mental failure, failure as a person, human being?
Failure as a photographer, filmmaker, writer?
Girlfriend, friend, co-worker, individual of the world?

I know.
When everything looks grey, it's hard to see the colors.

But depression really does hurt, and it's strong. The tug from below snaps the cord of reason from above and all is left is just a frayed existence falling into a black hole of confusion and fear.

I can CBT myself all the way to the fucken china, but if you don't believe that it works, it won't.

My house has become a Barnes and Noble inventory. Scattered throughout my house -books. On the floor in the living room, stacked meters high near my office, on the basinette warping from humidity when I take a shower.

Oh yea, forgot to mention the ones from under my bed...

All self help books: all "getting into the gap" books, all "life is what you make it" literature; but unless you believe, it ain't worth the crap that falls from your ass after a hearty meal.

Becoming numb- the emotional override switch that's been tripped up.

Hopefully the physical will not be too far behind.