I needed it bad - after last night...
Hoping to catch some zzz's, I took a seroquel that my doc gave me. It should help you sleep.
You could have knocked me over with a sneeze, but that didn't stop the nasty twitchy feeling in my right arm. Looking up on the Internet, I found out that one of the side effects is called
Paresthesia
An abnormal sensation of the skin, such as numbness, tingling, pricking, burning, or creeping on the skin that has no objective cause.
it kept me up all night. No matter what I did to my arm, nothing seemed to take away that 'creeping' feeling. Lying on it, putting pressure on it, trying to do a one hand handstand didn't work. Bashing it against the door frame didn't help. Nothing. NOTHING. And this continued on for almost an hour.
4 am and I decide to knock myself out with some old (2004 old) clonazepam.
This stuff saved me when I was really rapid cycling Bipolar. It could knock out a whole football team with one pill. It's an anticonvulsant, which over the past few years, become a part of medicating bi-polar patients.
So I take this thing and within minutes, I'm out.
But I end up sleeping the day away because it is so strong.
Trading rotten apples for sour oranges is the way I see it now.
anyhoo.
I went down to the park - was so quiet and warm.
walked by the pool and really wanted to turn back and grab my bathing suit - despite the fact that I have not waxed in a while. Who would care. Anything below the waist would be in the water anyway. Maybe tomorrow.
So I grab a seat near a weeping willow tree, and begin to watch the seagulls.
Something wisps past me. A lone monarch butterfly! Coming close and then hovering it was a sight to behold. And not to mention strange as this is a) the only monarch butterfly I have ever seen this year and b) was listening to Wayne Dyer on the podthingy, and reading his book "Inspiration - your ultimate calling".
On the cover of the book is a monarch butterfly, and at the end of the book, he goes into the whole story about how this one creature hung on his finger for more than an hour! Funny that I was listening to him , reading the book, and along comes a solitary butterfly.
And to top it all off - the subject of his p.cast was all about finding the passion in your life, living that inspiration because it is a gift.
That passion was activated last night after I saw Superbad. (Excellent movie)
I missed making movies - the hectic pace, the cameras and lights everywhere, the actors, the crew, the craft table (lol). And when I was making them, or working on them, I was definitely in-spirit.
Yea, I miss it and/but am making up a whole shitload of excuses not to go back and/or take the plunge, leap of faith on that road again...
So back to the pond, I see a little family of ducks nearby. The start to waddle in my direction. Throw them some peach pieces and they hated it - spit it out. Could have swore I heard the "patouh!" from each one of them. The mother duck elongated her neck, looked around to see if there was any threat to her little ones as they began to sit down just feet away from me.
A squirrel came around, moving cautiously in the direction of the peach crumbs. Mother duck watched intently as mr. squirrel came closer. He was just looking for food, not foie gras I'm sure.
And as he skipped closer to a piece (which was close to one of her 7 duckings) he marched forward, beak and head down, about to charge at him!! The little guy ran up the tree as fast as he could, staying there until the little family waddled back into the pond.
This all probably sounds really corny - a granola nature lover who is tripping out from her anti-psychotic medication from the night before, but it was a true wonderful experience.
Methinks that this little oasis in the middle of the city will do lots to help heal my soul.
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