I don't know what happened - things seemed to be going so well, and then I came back from camping - into civilization and it all began to fall apart and lightening speed.

Things have been dark and bleak for no other reason than I just feel shitty.
Trying to dig deep within myself to pull out of this blackness, but every effort is strained, raw, echoing bitterness for this black cloud that hangs over me.

I did meet two amazing women the other night - and with that, and the prospect of a collaborative project in the works, things might just turn around for me. I look forward to working closely with them. It felt so good to connect with the outside world - and with women who are strong, intelligent, creative and beautiful.

I have been trying to go swimming every other day - three times last week at the public pool. Oh how wonderful it was to feel buoyant! It's easy to forget how to float, but once in the water, I swam with speed and ease. Weightlessness never looked so good on me. Whenever I feel melancholy, my sinuses remind me of the bitter residue of chlorine that is still stuck in there, and I can't help but wince in pain and smile because of the memory it brings.

But the public outdoor pools will be closing soon - i feel sad that I had missed a whole summer of what could have been a whole summer outside swimming, but I can't think that way. I look forward to swimming indoors and taking lessons soon to perfect my strokes, feel even more confident in the water.

The NLP seems to have eluded me - all that I learned has faded into a pale memory. I wonder if hypnosis would not have been better for me.

but I can't think like that.
must interrupt the negative thinker
must interrupt
must stop
must
must