what to do, where to go, how to proceed

had dinner with e - two pints of hoegaarden and i was all over the map (but these pints looked like buckets, i kid you not), trying to figure out what the fuck to do with my life, which direction to choose, which lane to pick, and how fast to go in it.

Needless to say, we didn't get anywhere fast except in circles, with me in the middle, feeling lost and confused.


when i asked him (i should have known that he would give me this response...) he told me that i should pick the one that would be most likely to make me money fast.

Practical practical

doesn't necessarily mean the best


"but which do I do best? Let your logical mind slow down for a minute, and let the creative one move forward" but i could see in his face, a struggle and soon the furrowed brow followed.


I don't know what to tell you.

well, i don't know what to say...

and so i sit here, tormented by which path to take, because i know, in the end, i can't take all three - i only have two legs and can go in one direction at any given moment in time

writing
photography
filmmaking

i can do all of them really well, have won awards in all three and love all of them like my own children

"you do writing all the time - it's been years since you did film, and photography you don't do that often..."


so??!!

I have not been on a bike in decades, does that mean i have lost the ability or enjoyment or knowhow to ride it???

no surprise, he fell silent on that one...

at this point, my logical mind, fed up with all this frustration and headache, thinks i should leave all three behind and not follow a passion but be practical because money does not grow on trees and time is fleeing

but oh, it hurts to think that i might have to leave a dream behind and wake to something that is just one long infomercial.

this sounds pretty dramatic, cut off my nose to spite my face, but i am true to myself and refuse to edit what i feel, so i'm putting it all out there - as flabby and unattractive as that may be - although i might regret this in the morning...

but whateveah

any thoughts?