Not a very good Monday...

I got back from the doctor not long ago.

He is really not happy about taking me off the effexor to try the prozac again. I spent about 20 minutes with him, trying to explain that what i'm feeling is not 'normal' and life in a shade/haze of greys is not "living"

"well, maybe, have you thought that perhaps, this is the way most people feel most of the time? That this might be their 'normal' ?"

I almost wrung his neck.
- "does your life consist of shades of grey - formless forms, bland and banal moments of existence?"

he paused without saying a word.

made that bastard think

"well, for me doc - this ain't living - not even existing. I'm a body living in a shell of a former me. I'm not even living, just there..."

he wil be taking me off the effexor - by the end of the month I'll be off.
I'm going to have horrible side effects - he warned me, and I know them all too well. It's not going to be pretty.

The shocks that run from the top of my head to the back of my brain - slicing a neuro bolt through my brain, the night sweats, tremors, nausea, hallunications, ringing in the ears, the fear, the paranoia.

According to Wyeth-Ayerst, the manufacturer of effexor and effexor xr, 35% of the Effexor patients experienced withdrawal symptoms ranging from a flu-like syndrome to insomnia, nausea, nervousness, and loss of energy.

Also, from the FDA medical products reporting program, the list of withdrawal symptoms from effexor include:

agitation, anorexia, anxiety, confusion, coordination impaired, diarrhea, dizziness, dry mouth, dysphoric mood, fasciculation, fatigue, headaches, hypomania, insomnia, nausea, nervousness, nightmares, sensory disturbances (including shock-like electrical sensations), somnolence, sweating, tremor, vertigo, and vomiting.

One more common effect not mentioned above is long term vision

I don't know how this is going to play out. I know what happened before med/mood wise - I know exactly what my body will do - but now accelerated. I am pretty worried.
This might be the crash and burn I was worried about.
But I have to do something.
Something is better than nothing - why stay on medication that has stopped working for me?
But then again, at what cost the change?
I am going to see the acupuncture guy - hope that his magic pins and needles will help. But I might have to take time off work -
might...

I know - 'take it when it comes.. deal with it when it happens" but I've been through this so many times before, I can't help but try to be prepared for what I know that 98% of what I forsee will happen will actually happen...

Oh boy.

That's not to mention the Abdominal ct scan that I'll need. Back to my gastroentorologist about my stomach and intestinal problems, the special blood tests/fasting for all those special things my GP is testing for, including cervical cancer...

oh boy.

Not a fun day for a monday...