I had a huge meltdown yesterday afternoon
Pretty ugly - I wept for an hour non stop, so many horrible things bouncing inside of my head at atomic lighting speed. All E could do was watch and try to comfort me. I could see it in his eyes that he was heartbroken. Nobody likes to see the one they care about disintegrate into tears.
I'm tired of being sad and tired.
I want my life back
my doc thinks that we could try a new anti depressant. I'm open to anything at this point
lobotomy is a close second
and then there is the photography:
almost 40, "showing" my photos since 2004 and only 1 sale.
one fucken sale - that's it.
Despite all the shows and festivals I've been in, there has only one sale.
I've spent thousands on printing, framing, shipping and entrance fees for what? I've 100 times over what I have ever made.
How pathetic is that?
It blows my mind as to how other photographers manage to sell their pieces - and for the most part, look like shit, for hundreds, even thousands of dollars. Even at bargain basement prices in my toronto show - nothing has been sold.
I'm this close to putting my camera away for good - it seems that I can't make a living from it, as hard as I have tried. Even wedding photography here is cut throat - soo many photographers, and not enough weddings.
seriously
"why have I not sold anything!??! I mean - come on! My stuff is not ugly or shitty!!"
"what can I tell you? The art world is funny that way..."
He had a good point.
I guess if I die before E does, and somebody "discovers" my work, and it begins to sell, he will be having a happy old age.
but seriously
what next?
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