they're here...

They're back
with a vengeance


Those demons in my head - pulling at the nerves behind my eyeballs, sawing my reality in pieces, and as much as I try to stop it, it only gets worse.

now I'm convinced that I have ovarian cancer and it's only a matter of time before a diagnosis

I have all the symptoms.

WARNING SYMPTOMS OF OVARIAN CANCER

Contact your MD if you develop one or more of these symptoms and they persist for 2-3 weeks:

Ongoing fatigue

Pelvic or abdominal pain, pressure, swelling, or discomfort

Vague, but persistent, gastrointestinal upsets such as gas, nausea, and indigestion

Frequency and/or urgency of urination in the absence of an infection

Unexplained changes in bowel habits

Unexplained weight gain or weight loss, particularly weight gain in the abdominal region

Pelvic and/or abdominal swelling, bloating, and/or feeling of fullness

Pain during intercourse

Leg pain

I have all the symptoms
oh yea - and the strange leg pain.

sure, it could be something else, which I hope to god it is, but two paps came back with "abnormal squamous cells" and am still waiting on my colpopscy but my head is spinning.
I've never been a hypochondriac, but each time I've sensed that something has been "off" inside my body, I've been right - the gallbladder, the ulcers, the pcos, the thyroid.

I could go on but I won't.

So I sit here counting the minutes before I see my new doctor Wednesday - hoping she will be more sympathetic than the last.

oh yea, and my unemployment insurance ran out

oh yea, and I have not slept more than 3 hours a night for the past three weeks

happy fricking new year