retail therapy and mother's intuition

perhaps it was the combination of retail therapy and mother's intuition that saved me from a quick self destructive meltdown tonight


A mom is still a mom and I thank God that my mom is still around.

ahhhh. Don't want to cry now don't need to get my mind in that spin - again



before I agreed to meet her, I was so ready to take those heavy duty near comatose inducing muscle relaxants and just lie on the bed and fade into a dreamless, black sleep until Monday.

I have not taken those in years because when I do, my blood turns into lead, and for days afterward, I become the living dead; but last night, after breathing exercises, tibetan monk chaning through my earphones, warm milk, two back pills, ativans, and then a rivotril* I knew that I was in bad shape.

Stronger chemical intervention was needed.



but as soon as I got into the car, I knew I was safe.
She was so amazing - gave me a shooting star diamond pendant necklace

this is because you are shooting star - and sometimes you need to be reminded of that.

I almost burst into tears - how amazing was that gift?!!

I will take a picture of it and figure out a way to post it here as a reminder to myself.


we spent the evening looking for a purse for her, found some clothes that were marked down so low, I was ashamed for the department store (but she got me a kick ass Jones New York power suit) it's jones new york - for when you have your business interview in new york ate some great thai food, ran around the mall a bit more and then dropped me off at home.


I am really lucky to have a woman like that in my life.

If you are reading this - thank you mom - I love you and appreciate you more than you will ever know



So as the big hand swings up to the 2, morning is slowly creeping into the night sky. My mind seems calm now. Perhaps this mental-write it down get it out- system of purgation is stilling the windstorm of panic and horror that blinded me earlier this afternoon. I should carry this moment with me, and close my eyes, and pray for a better, calmer tomorrow.



*about 20 years ago, these pills saved my life - just before the official manic-depression diagnosis, I was given these to bring me down from my manic episodes. So many times I could have wrapped my body in metal around a tree trunk, but one of those brought me down to earth. Slept for days afterward, but it helped until I got the help I needed.


funny

helped until I got the help i needed.

when will I feel normal again?

Fuck.
I want my life back