Hope in the year of the Pig

This is from a dear friend of mine who, last year, her whole life fell apart: a painful divorce, the death of her beloved dog, being fired from her job while struggling with her own personal mental and physical demons linked to depression, and then the death of her mother - all too soon. They had not spoken in years and only in the last month, did they connect. It was the saddest story I have heard in decades. If anybody I knew needed a break, she was at the top of my list.

But she is an amazing woman who has used photography as a tool for healing and exploring herself and the world around her. She is courageous, beautiful and full of life and hope. Her unwaivering support has been my lifeline across the country, and being able to meet her in 2005 was a blessing that I am forever thankful for.

And now, February 2008 sees her moving from Seattle to Texas to be with her soul mate. A new start, a new love, a new life.


I had emailed her, asking about hope, and how she has kept going in the face of such adversity and pain. This was her response.

Jen - you are one of the few bright lights in my life. Thank you for being there and good luck in this new beginning.


what takes the big pain away? for me it was hope. such a small thing, but with such huge implications. cause how do you have hope when you have been beaten so hard? you don't at first, of course. there's just something within that doesn't want to give up. so you try something small. you believe in a new connection, that it will provide some comfort. you believe that the $80 in tips you made the night before is due to your job well done, even if you still are shocked that all you were before is suddenly wiped clean and you have to start over. you believe that the smile someone gave you is a kindness, a gesture of support. you believe that when someone says they love you it's because you have worth, something special to offer. it's okay if you look for it outside yourself cause eventually you realize that it's all coming from you.

so that's it. when i really allow the pain to surface in order to process, i try to remember to allow the hope too. i don't always get it. in fact, i'm starting to see the whole thing as one big spiral where it all just loops around over and over. then having loved ones around that can you can manage reciprocation with only adds to the equation. give and take. take and give. round and round.

so it's okay if you can't be grateful right now.
take some of my hope if you can't manage your own.