increase

increase in blood pressure
tension
rent
worry

Got a letter in the mail - our piss ant landlord is raising the rent 50$ a month. He has not touched this crumbling house in 5 years - everything is falling apart - the roof is about to cave in, ceilings are cracked, mold in the bathroom, unfinished plaster jobs. It's a real mess, but it would cost us $3000 to move, so what do we do?

E is in Washington for another night which is a disappointment. I was hoping that he would be around for me the night before my mom gets her results from her PET scan.

I am seeing my head shrinker tomorrow - that won't be pretty. Hating this medication. My soul has turned into stone. I have no feeling whatsoever, just perpetually blank.

Have been dragging my ass to the gym on a regular basis and get no enjoyment from it whatsoever. Despite claims from others that I'll "feel better after some exercise", the only thing that happens is that I sweat like a skewered pig and ache for days.

God, I hate feeling this numb

Perhaps this is what "cutters" feel like, and whittle away at their flesh to remind themselves that they are human and can feel pain.

But I'm nowhere near that, and besides, I hate the sight of blood, despite my training as a medical photographer. Other people's I don't mind, but my own - ewwwe.

braving the bitter arctic blast to go the the gym again - jogging my way into oblivion