A letter to a friend...

A letter to a friend...

This was a letter to a friend I wrote two nights ago.

I was feeling so down, lost and alone.

Sometimes venting is a good thing.

(and Zara ;-) Thanks for commenting here :-) We'll talk and I'll address those 'things' in-depth very soon on this blog...

Hey girl.

How are you doing?

Sorry I have been silent lately - so much to fucken crap to chew on...

Got word that the treatment will make mom progressively sicker as each week passes. That is not too good of a thing. As the 3rd and 4th week come closer, my worries about how much I can take care of her begin to mount. Apparently, it might take her 4 to 6 months to recover.

Ouf.

That's the shit.

I have not even thought of the idea that the cancer might come back, or that she might have to have chemo for a year. I really have too much on my plate. I am trying to stay afloat.

Everything just seems so overwhelming at times.

I read a book that said the majority of cancer patients have had many stressors in their life - a serious shock at an early age. I worry that I am the poster child for something to be inside of me - a time bomb. Heard today that my great grandfather and grandfather (on mom's side) both had cancer (liver and bladder), no to mention my dad who had bladder cancer as well. Now my mom.

Yea, stamp a fucken giant C on my forehead?!

I am just scared and rambling.

I am begining to know how you feel when you talk about your breast cancer concerns.

It's in my family, it's in yours. Its everyfuckenwhere.

I know you know that it's hard keeping optimistic here in her casa.

She watches CNN -ALL THE TIME! Quite the information junkie.

All doom and gloom 24 hours a day. Ticker tape along the bottom spelling out the inevitable extinction of the human race, the planet. Now the san Francisco thing. I try to stay away, up in my own little hideaway where old "Canadian Home Living" magazines tempt and comfort me with picture perfect home cooked pot roasts and white bread words of wisdom from housewives in Nova Scotia.

It's hard staying here.

I thought it wouldn't be as bad, but some days it is.

It's not gonna get any better either - cumulative side effects of the medication as it floats through her system.

So I just wanted to say hello before I go to bed and that you are always on my mind. You, your man, your baby, your two doggies and your house - all back home again. A lease on a whole new life.

Oh girl, how I envy you. There is finally some peace and happiness in your world, and you bella, of all people I know, deserve it so very much.