I just got back from NYC last night.
God. I love that place - everything seems so familliar to me - even my internal compass manages to set itself right away - I can't seem to get lost there - it's as if I have lived there before - perhaps only in my mind...
I remember the first time I went to Central Park - what an experience!
When I think back to the kind of feeling that New York gives me at night (especially last night - the streets were soo quiet) - this is the image it evokes.
I am one with the city - it's my element where I float freely and gracefully...
Monday, May 29, 2006
Monday, May 15, 2006
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Man's search for meaning.
I am giving my mother a picture for mother's day.
It's a picture of the sculpture that I saw in NYC, and I superimposed a quote by Victor Frankl on it. It's so beautiful, I had to make a copy for myself.
The quote was so apropriate, and the image meant so much to me - that moment of new beginings, of new perspective, it all made sense.
Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
I hope it touches her the same way it touched me.
I'll let you know.
Happy mother's day :-)
Some quotes by Victor Frank that were too inspiring not to share...
A human being is a deciding being.
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Challenging the meaning of life is the truest expression of the state of being human.
Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.
Fear may come true that which one is afraid of.
Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone's task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it.
For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given moment.
Just as a small fire is extinguished by the storm whereas a large fire is enhanced by it-likewise a weak faith is weakened by predicament and catastrophes whereas a strong faith is strengthened by them.
Life can be pulled by goals just as surely as it can be pushed by drives.
Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time.
Only to the extent that someone is living out this self transcendence of human existence, is he truly human or does he become his true self. He becomes so, not by concerning himself with his self's actualization, but by forgetting himself and giving himself, overlooking himself and focusing outward.
The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances.
Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked.
What is to give light must endure burning.
When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.
It's a picture of the sculpture that I saw in NYC, and I superimposed a quote by Victor Frankl on it. It's so beautiful, I had to make a copy for myself.
The quote was so apropriate, and the image meant so much to me - that moment of new beginings, of new perspective, it all made sense.
Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
I hope it touches her the same way it touched me.
I'll let you know.
Happy mother's day :-)
Some quotes by Victor Frank that were too inspiring not to share...
A human being is a deciding being.
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Challenging the meaning of life is the truest expression of the state of being human.
Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.
Fear may come true that which one is afraid of.
Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone's task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it.
For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given moment.
Just as a small fire is extinguished by the storm whereas a large fire is enhanced by it-likewise a weak faith is weakened by predicament and catastrophes whereas a strong faith is strengthened by them.
Life can be pulled by goals just as surely as it can be pushed by drives.
Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time.
Only to the extent that someone is living out this self transcendence of human existence, is he truly human or does he become his true self. He becomes so, not by concerning himself with his self's actualization, but by forgetting himself and giving himself, overlooking himself and focusing outward.
The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances.
Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked.
What is to give light must endure burning.
When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
The road is long, and keeps on getting longer...
So today was supposed to be mom's last day for chemo.
She was only supposed to have chemo for 4 weeks and that was it.
it all changed today.
Her white blood cell count was too low to get her treatment.
She has to go in Monday and take another blood test, and then the doctor will decide what to do next.
He also said: if I were you, or you were my relative, I'd say go on the chemo for a year - as supplemental therapy.
She flatly refused.
She says that she has to work - to pay her mortgage, her car bills, to live.
She says that she can't afford to take the chance that she will be too sick to work. Her job has lots of responsibilities, and she would only go to 1/2 salary after 6 months. Not enough to pay the bills.
When she told me that, I flipped.
She has pretty much signed her death certificate and is taking a big chance with her future and health.
I think she is just being stubborn (and talks about losing her hair) and is thinking too much about work when she should really be thinking about herself.
but it all comes down to money
what she needs, what she doesn't have, what she won't have...
I was stunned today.
I had made her a nice card that said : "welcome home from your long journey".
But the journey has just begun again, and it's a long road. Perhaps too fucken long for her, and I am so upset that she has decided not to go on the chemo for a year.
It's not like it's gonna be every day, 3 times a week, 1/2 the dose that she is getting now.
1/2 the exhaustion, 1/2 the dose, and as I told her - you take on 1/2 of the stress at work.
but she is stubborn, and I fear that vanity and fear of poverty are going to drive her to make a decision.
And I thought that it would be smooth sailing, but this mother's day will definitely be a special one, and hopefully , not the last...
She was only supposed to have chemo for 4 weeks and that was it.
it all changed today.
Her white blood cell count was too low to get her treatment.
She has to go in Monday and take another blood test, and then the doctor will decide what to do next.
He also said: if I were you, or you were my relative, I'd say go on the chemo for a year - as supplemental therapy.
She flatly refused.
She says that she has to work - to pay her mortgage, her car bills, to live.
She says that she can't afford to take the chance that she will be too sick to work. Her job has lots of responsibilities, and she would only go to 1/2 salary after 6 months. Not enough to pay the bills.
When she told me that, I flipped.
She has pretty much signed her death certificate and is taking a big chance with her future and health.
I think she is just being stubborn (and talks about losing her hair) and is thinking too much about work when she should really be thinking about herself.
but it all comes down to money
what she needs, what she doesn't have, what she won't have...
I was stunned today.
I had made her a nice card that said : "welcome home from your long journey".
But the journey has just begun again, and it's a long road. Perhaps too fucken long for her, and I am so upset that she has decided not to go on the chemo for a year.
It's not like it's gonna be every day, 3 times a week, 1/2 the dose that she is getting now.
1/2 the exhaustion, 1/2 the dose, and as I told her - you take on 1/2 of the stress at work.
but she is stubborn, and I fear that vanity and fear of poverty are going to drive her to make a decision.
And I thought that it would be smooth sailing, but this mother's day will definitely be a special one, and hopefully , not the last...
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Sometimes its the wings of desire that break us
I am going down that road again.
Why don't I learn to keep myself out of trouble?
I thought that the office season's finale would be a funny one.
It was - it was great, and it's my favorite show, but damm.
Shame on NBC for making such great season finales!!
I was so choked up by Jim and Pam's plight.
Romeo and Juliet minus the drama, keep a dash of irony, and throw in the 'cut to black - end of season finale' finality.
So sad, yet so sweet.
We've all been there.
I, perhaps, have been there more times than most...
(dry chuckles from the peanut gallery)
Could it be part of 'the true artist's makeup"?
This book is amazing.
run to get it.
If you consider yourself to be a little off the beaten path, worn around the edges and living through your art - read it.
And if you are someone who knows someone like this - read it too.
so to keep myself from wallowing in romantic yet tragic melancholy, I am going to open a cold beer, grab a bag of hot buttered popcorn, put the pms monster to bed, and pop in one of my all time favorite movies.
It give me hope that angels to have wings, and that dreams can come true.
A line from the poem which starts the film
Song of Childhood By Peter Handke
When the child was a child,
it had no opinion about anything,
had no habits,
it often sat cross-legged, took off running,
had a cowlick in its hair, and made no faces when photographed.
When the child was a child,
It was the time for these questions:
Why am I me, and why not you?
Why am I here, and why not there?
When did time begin, and where does space end?
Is life under the sun not just a dream?
Is what I see and hear and smell not just an illusion of a world before the world?
Given the facts of evil and people,
does evil really exist?
How can it be that I, who I am,
didn't exist before I came to be,
and that, someday,
I, who I am,
will no longer be who I am?
When the child was a child,
It threw a stick like a lance against a tree,
And it quivers there still today.
***
If only I could look at lifewithh those eyes of a child again...
Why don't I learn to keep myself out of trouble?
I thought that the office season's finale would be a funny one.
It was - it was great, and it's my favorite show, but damm.
Shame on NBC for making such great season finales!!
I was so choked up by Jim and Pam's plight.
Romeo and Juliet minus the drama, keep a dash of irony, and throw in the 'cut to black - end of season finale' finality.
So sad, yet so sweet.
We've all been there.
I, perhaps, have been there more times than most...
(dry chuckles from the peanut gallery)
Could it be part of 'the true artist's makeup"?
This book is amazing.
run to get it.
If you consider yourself to be a little off the beaten path, worn around the edges and living through your art - read it.
And if you are someone who knows someone like this - read it too.
so to keep myself from wallowing in romantic yet tragic melancholy, I am going to open a cold beer, grab a bag of hot buttered popcorn, put the pms monster to bed, and pop in one of my all time favorite movies.
It give me hope that angels to have wings, and that dreams can come true.
A line from the poem which starts the film
Song of Childhood By Peter Handke
When the child was a child,
it had no opinion about anything,
had no habits,
it often sat cross-legged, took off running,
had a cowlick in its hair, and made no faces when photographed.
When the child was a child,
It was the time for these questions:
Why am I me, and why not you?
Why am I here, and why not there?
When did time begin, and where does space end?
Is life under the sun not just a dream?
Is what I see and hear and smell not just an illusion of a world before the world?
Given the facts of evil and people,
does evil really exist?
How can it be that I, who I am,
didn't exist before I came to be,
and that, someday,
I, who I am,
will no longer be who I am?
When the child was a child,
It threw a stick like a lance against a tree,
And it quivers there still today.
***
If only I could look at lifewithh those eyes of a child again...
Reaching out
This goes out to all my flickr friends.
You are a beautiful group, and if the world were filled with people like you, there would be only love to heal all the pain and suffering around us.
(Please click on the photo to read more)
You are a beautiful group, and if the world were filled with people like you, there would be only love to heal all the pain and suffering around us.
(Please click on the photo to read more)
Conspiracy
Sometimes when I get tired, I mean extremely tired, and i've pushed my mind and body to the point of exhaustion, I tend to slip into a little mental space that's pretty dark and isolated.
I guess it's a form of self-preservation. I had a good friend of mine explain to me that 'going into our hole in the ground' is not necessary a bad thing, it's like hybernation. We need to do what the body tells us to do. If it's wintertime, we try to conserve energy. Perhaps the mind does the same thing on some level. Problem is that I have some extra chemicals that tend to tip the scales somewhat, and pull at the heartstrings of some nasty mantras in my head. The kind of self-defeating garbage through the teachings of Buddhisim and meditation I'm trying to sort through.
But sometimes the PMS monster comes back and kills the Buddha (sometimes, it's a good thing - "when you see Buddha on your path - KIll HIM" is part of one Koan, but I won't get into that now...)and then all those nasty little mind rats run amok.
Conspiracy, paranoia, worry. The wheel begins to turn. I must pull the plug on the merry-go-round before it spins out of control and off the lot of the amusement park! Being mindful of these 'instances' is a very interesting process. As is life.
As is my life so far...
Thank you dhammza for this beautiful photo...
I guess it's a form of self-preservation. I had a good friend of mine explain to me that 'going into our hole in the ground' is not necessary a bad thing, it's like hybernation. We need to do what the body tells us to do. If it's wintertime, we try to conserve energy. Perhaps the mind does the same thing on some level. Problem is that I have some extra chemicals that tend to tip the scales somewhat, and pull at the heartstrings of some nasty mantras in my head. The kind of self-defeating garbage through the teachings of Buddhisim and meditation I'm trying to sort through.
But sometimes the PMS monster comes back and kills the Buddha (sometimes, it's a good thing - "when you see Buddha on your path - KIll HIM" is part of one Koan, but I won't get into that now...)and then all those nasty little mind rats run amok.
Conspiracy, paranoia, worry. The wheel begins to turn. I must pull the plug on the merry-go-round before it spins out of control and off the lot of the amusement park! Being mindful of these 'instances' is a very interesting process. As is life.
As is my life so far...
Thank you dhammza for this beautiful photo...
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Impossible? What does it mean?
I believe that there are things that happen in life, and people in the world to teach us something about others and ourselves.
It's because of people like Pollo the world becomes brighter by the light of a million suns.
An email I sent to him this morning after receiving this photo dedication.
Thank you does not seem like enough, but it's a start....
Oh my God.
Sweetheart.
I am weeping tears of happiness.
You have moved me so deeply. I am at a complete and utter loss for words.
Your words, your beautiful words are my soul food. You are the most courageous and kind person I have ever met, and my love and admiration for you continues to grow in leaps and bounds.
Have I ever told you you're my hero?
I have to run, have a whole list of doctor appointments for the whole family, but please know that it's because of the unconditional love and strength you share with me and so many others, life has more meaning, and the world really does becomes a little less scary with you in it.
thank you does not seem like enough, but it's a start.
xo
hpk
HelloPhotoKittyOne
Thanks to To Be Or Not To Be, I've got a ride on Hellophotokitty One! It's pink and everything! How about that!?
My offical flying speedmobile.
My offical flying speedmobile.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Take that leap...
I am changing.
It's coming fast, but not furious.
Things around me are shifting.
Had a nice talk with myself in the shower today. Reassured myself that things are going to be alright, that I will be okay, and that the only thing that stands in the way of me and what I want is myself.
It might take a while before I really beleive it, but it's a start.
I subscribe to this thing called Daily Ohm.
Very interesting stuff.
I think I might just start a blog with the ones that really resonate deeply within me.
Keeping a blog is good.
An alphabetical word map of my travels.
May 4, 2006
Growth Through Risk
Aries Daily Horoscope
The universe may seem like an unlimited source of abundance for you today. You could feel a sense of security about your life circumstances. Now may be a good time for you to take a few risks. While part of you may not want to take chances, opportunities could be around the corner if you make the effort to look for them. Perhaps you can take time to evaluate the parts of your life that could be ripe for growth. Try considering different avenues of growth, visualizing your potential, and setting a goal to undertake something new.
Taking risks involves letting go, and when you let go you will evolve. Expanding your potential is only possible when you make an effort to grow. Growth isn’t always comfortable, yet inherent to growth is the guarantee that you will stretch yourself beyond your limits to occupy new spaces within yourself and your life that are full of possibilities you have never explored.
When you take risks, you inevitably grow and discover new aspects of yourself. You are also relinquishing your need for things to stay the same and allowing life to guide you toward what is coming next. Trust that you have what it takes to succeed when taking chances today, and you will find that any kind of risk you take will lead to new opportunities.
It's coming fast, but not furious.
Things around me are shifting.
Had a nice talk with myself in the shower today. Reassured myself that things are going to be alright, that I will be okay, and that the only thing that stands in the way of me and what I want is myself.
It might take a while before I really beleive it, but it's a start.
I subscribe to this thing called Daily Ohm.
Very interesting stuff.
I think I might just start a blog with the ones that really resonate deeply within me.
Keeping a blog is good.
An alphabetical word map of my travels.
May 4, 2006
Growth Through Risk
Aries Daily Horoscope
The universe may seem like an unlimited source of abundance for you today. You could feel a sense of security about your life circumstances. Now may be a good time for you to take a few risks. While part of you may not want to take chances, opportunities could be around the corner if you make the effort to look for them. Perhaps you can take time to evaluate the parts of your life that could be ripe for growth. Try considering different avenues of growth, visualizing your potential, and setting a goal to undertake something new.
Taking risks involves letting go, and when you let go you will evolve. Expanding your potential is only possible when you make an effort to grow. Growth isn’t always comfortable, yet inherent to growth is the guarantee that you will stretch yourself beyond your limits to occupy new spaces within yourself and your life that are full of possibilities you have never explored.
When you take risks, you inevitably grow and discover new aspects of yourself. You are also relinquishing your need for things to stay the same and allowing life to guide you toward what is coming next. Trust that you have what it takes to succeed when taking chances today, and you will find that any kind of risk you take will lead to new opportunities.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Fun stuff for the astro addict in me...
Did I mention yesterday's post?
Well, for Thursday? May 4th?
Sometimes when a person finds his or her voice, self-awareness or what is often termed 'personal power', it can send the lives of people around them into a little crisis. Often the cause goes unacknowledged, for one thing, because it's so embarrassing to think that one person getting real can bring up so much insecurity. One of the reasons many people resist getting real is because 'it's scary'. I suggest you not make that mistake. Let each authentic moment lead to the next. Let honesty shine the light where fear once hid in the corners. Be yourself, no matter what they say.
I like that: be yourself, no matter what they say...
Now wait a minute, this sounds familliar!
Okay, onto Friday's forecast.
There are some moments when you can get a sense of your true direction. It's as if you look at the cosmic compass and discover what way you're headed, and find your location on the map. When you do that, you'll see that you are in a truly challenging situation, and you may not know exactly what to do. You may not understand this strange, intense mission you seem to be on. It may seem too intense or uncertain for you to handle - but I assure you, you can. Remember, nothing can stop you from doing what you need to do.
Hmm. I like where this is going.
So much is going on - the new gallery who picked up my stuff, more films coming up, more contacts being made - I'm determined this time to make this work. My motto? What have I got to lose?
And it's about time too.
Ahh spring - how wonderful it is!
Well, for Thursday? May 4th?
Sometimes when a person finds his or her voice, self-awareness or what is often termed 'personal power', it can send the lives of people around them into a little crisis. Often the cause goes unacknowledged, for one thing, because it's so embarrassing to think that one person getting real can bring up so much insecurity. One of the reasons many people resist getting real is because 'it's scary'. I suggest you not make that mistake. Let each authentic moment lead to the next. Let honesty shine the light where fear once hid in the corners. Be yourself, no matter what they say.
I like that: be yourself, no matter what they say...
Now wait a minute, this sounds familliar!
Okay, onto Friday's forecast.
There are some moments when you can get a sense of your true direction. It's as if you look at the cosmic compass and discover what way you're headed, and find your location on the map. When you do that, you'll see that you are in a truly challenging situation, and you may not know exactly what to do. You may not understand this strange, intense mission you seem to be on. It may seem too intense or uncertain for you to handle - but I assure you, you can. Remember, nothing can stop you from doing what you need to do.
Hmm. I like where this is going.
So much is going on - the new gallery who picked up my stuff, more films coming up, more contacts being made - I'm determined this time to make this work. My motto? What have I got to lose?
And it's about time too.
Ahh spring - how wonderful it is!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
It's good to be me...
Interesting thing about 'being me' - this scope says it so well.
There have been times when people have actually run away from me because they said that they could'nt handle my intensity. And for a long time, I struggled with that, but now I embrace it. Although I'm not out of the roof manic all over the map depressed (I contribute my mellowing out to age and life experience), I still have that fire which runs through my veins, and it's all good.
There have been times when people have actually run away from me because they said that they could'nt handle my intensity. And for a long time, I struggled with that, but now I embrace it. Although I'm not out of the roof manic all over the map depressed (I contribute my mellowing out to age and life experience), I still have that fire which runs through my veins, and it's all good.
| Thursday, 4th May 2006
|  ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 20) | ||
| Sometimes when a person finds his or her voice, self-awareness or what is often termed 'personal power', it can send the lives of people around them into a little crisis. Often the cause goes unacknowledged, for one thing, because it's so embarrassing to think that one person getting real can bring up so much insecurity. One of the reasons many people resist getting real is because 'it's scary'. I suggest you not make that mistake. Let each authentic moment lead to the next. Let honesty shine the light where fear once hid in the corners. Be yourself, no matter what they say. | |||
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
New York Loves My Photos!!
Well, I am so very happy to say that not one, not two, but 3 of my photos have been selected to be in another juried exhibition in Long Island New York!!!! I am floored!!!!
I am so excited! This gives me yet ANOTHER excuse to go down to New York - for the opening of the show, and then come back for the closing to pick up my stuff!!! HAHAHAHHA!
Here is the site - the exposition is called "Bodyscapes"
ooh!! I am so excited and delighted!!
And GO FIGURE!!
I have submitted to countless galleries and expositions here in the city and across Canada - not one reply. Nada.
WELL SCREW THEM!
New York city calls me and that's where I'll gladly go!!!
I am so excited! This gives me yet ANOTHER excuse to go down to New York - for the opening of the show, and then come back for the closing to pick up my stuff!!! HAHAHAHHA!
Here is the site - the exposition is called "Bodyscapes"
ooh!! I am so excited and delighted!!
And GO FIGURE!!
I have submitted to countless galleries and expositions here in the city and across Canada - not one reply. Nada.
WELL SCREW THEM!
New York city calls me and that's where I'll gladly go!!!
Monday, May 01, 2006
If I were in a rock and roll band...
if I were in a rock and roll band
this is the guitar I would have.
That and a hellokitty hairclip in my hair.
And this is from the site...
Plenty of girl-friendly attitude!
With a fixed bridge and single humbucking pickup, this Kitty is ready to rock. Agathis body, maple 25-1/2"-scale neck, die-cast chrome machine heads, single volume control, jumbo frets, and a custom Hello Kitty pickguard.
Squier® Hello Kitty Stratocaster Electric Guitar Features:
Agathis body
Maple neck
Medium jumbo frets
Die-cast chrome machine heads
Chrome hardware
Fixed bridge
Single humbucking pickup
Volume control
Custom pickguard with Hello Kitty graphic
Squier® Hello Kitty Stratocaster Electric Guitar Specifications:
25-1/2" scale length
1.610" nut width
21 frets
A great gift for aspiring girl rockers.
Order your Hello Kitty Strat right now
Plenty of girl-friendly attitude!
Pause.
I can't beleive it.
Just as I am typing this, E is in his room/studio sampling some kitty meows.
Meow meow meow-meow meow.
Descending and ascending up the melodic scale.
Could somebody please stick a fork in my eyes and pull out my eardrums before I kill somebody.
men and their toys...
A little self indulgent astro cack.
Yea, so I read this guy's forecasts every day.
I'm an astro freak.
But I've had a black cat and walked under numerous ladders thank you very much...
Monday, 1st May 2006
-->
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
You seem to be waiting for something. It's as if you can see, feel, smell and dream it - but it's not there. Sometimes it feels like another person. Sometimes it feels like an experience or a change in your life. Has it occurred to you that you're waiting for yourself? Have you ever imagined you could wake up in a sudden burst of revelation and just know, feel, understand and experience yourself as who you really are? Would that be amazing? If so, keep imagining; keep visioning the subtle idea of your own birth into the world, because you are fast approaching.
I'm liking that revelation thing.
Sounds good to me.
I'm an astro freak.
But I've had a black cat and walked under numerous ladders thank you very much...
Monday, 1st May 2006
-->
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
You seem to be waiting for something. It's as if you can see, feel, smell and dream it - but it's not there. Sometimes it feels like another person. Sometimes it feels like an experience or a change in your life. Has it occurred to you that you're waiting for yourself? Have you ever imagined you could wake up in a sudden burst of revelation and just know, feel, understand and experience yourself as who you really are? Would that be amazing? If so, keep imagining; keep visioning the subtle idea of your own birth into the world, because you are fast approaching.
I'm liking that revelation thing.
Sounds good to me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)