X Marks the spot, but a pimple says HELLO PMS!

hor·mone (hôrmn) n.
A substance, usually a peptide or steroid, produced by one tissue and conveyed by the bloodstream to another to effect physiological activity, such as growth or metabolism.

Well, they're back!!
The lovely army of hormones that tromp thorough my system, turning me into a wishy washy stew of emotions, distension of many of my extremities, and the all telling beacon of a lighthouse size zit on at least one part of my face.

When I hit my 20's I said to myself:
This is great! No more acne!

Then I hit my 30's and said:
Hey great! No more acne!!

I am still in my 30's, now pushing 40's and wonder what the joke is all about.

My uncle once told me:
If you have oily skin, you are less likely to get wrinkles...

I don't know what school of cosmetology he works for, but that's just pure bullshit!! I have the laugh lines to prove it!!
(as I laugh without trying to move my mouth...)

So apparently, when women 'hang out together', their cycles coincide. Apparently tiny little sensors in our noses pick up on theses hormonal changes of our fellow gal pals, putting us in sync with eachother's schedules. Why??
Good question!
Doing the Darwinian thing - I suspect that humans might have adopted this 'method of communal ovulation' so that if a man were to come across a particular tribe of ovulating women, chances of him striking out and not getting his little guys up and past the hills of Cervix were fewer if all the women in the tribe were fertile at the same time, rather than him having to make repeat visits at different times of the month for each woman.

Make sense?
I dunno. You tell me?
I am just pulling tampons out of a hat here...


I hit a bad day yesterday.
Went to see the headshrinker. She said:
I just do medication management...

So you are a pill pusher with an alphabet at the end of your name, but if I feel like my life is falling apart, you can't help me. Right?

She told me that I could always see my 'counsellor'.
This counsellor was as sweet as peach pie, but the woman would always fall asleep on me!
She would be listening, then her eyes would glaze over, roll back in her head a bit, and then the head would bob.
I was kind of shocked at first, thought maybe because she had a rough night, she was trying to catch some extra zzz's between paitents.
I didn't think it could be my stories - they are just too bizarre and outrageous.
So what the hell?

I tried going back several times a few years ago. There is nothing more frustrating than pouring your heart and intestines out and actually watch someone dip into a REM state while you are blubbering away.

So, no Doc. I aint going back to 'Sleepy' from that gaggle of head shrinking dwarfs.

She made a good point though - even though I could have told her that myself:
"You really come alive when you are doing work that you love. Try to keep yourself busy."
DUH!

I made a joke but obviously head shrinkers can't really take a joke when it is thrown to them, even if it's handed on a platter - they still fumble...
Well - it's settled! I have to move to L.A! I'll have the sun and the film work! I will be happier than a pig in -."

'Are you sure that would be a wise thing? You know, something like that should be reflected upon before making such a big move..."

I just looked at her, smirked and said:
'Joking'.
She tried to put some life into her fake laugh. I figured if I had to spend my day running around playing pharmaceutical Russian roulette with patients who were catatonic, I wouldn't be laughing much either.

So hormones, hormones, hormones.
I feel like there is some sort of 'Live Aid' concert going on in my system:
The gates have been knocked down, all the molecules in my body are alert for the big SHOW!
The various opening acts are just filler and fluff. A little opening act here - (backache), followed by another obscure act (migraine). As things warm up (cramps), the crowd starts to get restless (zits and craving for starch and carbs) and then the main attraction! BOOM! The crowd goes wild! My body goes into overdrive and all hell breaks loose.

Once again (it seemed like only yesterday I wrote about this) I am in the see-saw, roller coaster, yo-yo (why are all these up and down motion words hyphenated??) funhouse of flesh and bones (not hyphenated). Wee! Just 12 more days until the circus moves out of town!