mold, baldness and other ugly things

there is mold in my bathroom - on the ceiling and god knows where else!

It's been there before - last year when we sanded down all the walls, javexed and then repainted with a special paint which is supposed to resist mold...

but it's back

My mom says that mold is dangerous - and sometimes walls have to be ripped down if it's in the wood.

My worst nightmare come true - the whole house is one big matchstick encased in concrete. I think it was built in 1920? The landlord does the minimal to fix it. I have visions of us wearing gaz masks; and the cats - running around in sterile little plastic bubbles, trying to figure out how we are going to eat dinner.

Worst case scenario...

but still!

It makes a lot of sense - my feeling ill every time I come home from outside. How after airing out the whole house for 4 hours actually made sleeping a bit easier, but still, with no humidifier (had to javex that thing too - there was dry slime in the water compartment. Yes. Dry slime.) So without that humidity, and the heat on, both e and I were sawing some serious wood last night - woke up with a sandpaper mouth and blocked nose.

And the humidifier - that stuff was toxic. My feeling ill and fatigued all started when we hauled out that bacteria infested mist spitting monster. And when it got to cold to close all the windows.

e: we'll keep a window open at night but keep the heat on

why don't we build ourselves an igloo, sleep inside and burn twenty dollar bills for heat?

So I'm thinking that I might be sick because of my environment.
Perhaps it might be a starting point - a lead in this film noir health case I find myself stuck in.

stress

my mom also said that is why I might be going bald.

Seriously going bald.

I have a baby's spot in reverse (you know when babies start to get hair - it begins with a little patch of hair in a spiral formation at the top of their heads?) getting bigger each day. Today I screamed.

It's huge.

And ugly.

Thinning hair comes from having too much stress.
Stress is even liked to cancer says my mom

Lovely

And these meds are not doing anything to help the problem - despite my pseudo "even keeled" mood, there is a catastrophic tsunami rolling over all my healthy cells - wiping out everything that has been strong up to now. Flooded with toxins, my body is beginning to shut down.

Cancer is what shut my mother down - she stopped alright. Took a year off of work, and her hectic pace of a stress filled life.

I am terrified that I will be the next casualty of this natural disaster - and if it does come, it will be swift and deadly - like the tsunami

so I pop ativan and other tranquilizers like Smarties and wait for the black clouds and rumble of impending doom to pass.