to much to handle

How could I forget the horrible experience I had with my new family doctor on Friday?

it's easy - it was horrible

she was a little older than me - I'd say 43, but smartly dressed and degrees above her desk, end to end like wallpaper.

She must be good

I told her my family history - maladies, cancers, auto-immune disorders, the works.
She just looked at me with a deadpan Steven Wright face and asked:

and what do you want me to do for you?

after that, she snidely quipped: you have really messed up genes
and a few sentences later:

you have a 50/50 percent chance of dying of cancer or heart disease. It looks like it will be cancer in your case. I'd personally go with cancer because at least you can say goodbye to the people you love - a heart attack doesn't wait.

she seemed put off by my asking if she'd take me on as a patient as I was looking for a family doctor.

with all that is wrong with you, you have to exercise. The fybromyalgia and depression will go away. Do yoga, pilates, running, boxing - anything. Do you do any of that?

no - with this depression, it's hard to even get out of bed

well, you have to do something!

The humiliation continued when I asked her if there was any 'preventive measures' I could take as in terms of early screening for cancer:

no. I'm not going to send you for a scan. I won't give you one cause you'll find a spot on your liver, a spot on your kidney (which I have but apparently it's nothing and pretty common) and then you'll freak out. That alone will contribute to giving you cancer - so all you have to do is exercise and your fybromyalgia and depression will go away - so walk to the subway instead of taking a buss after you see me...

What ever happened to take two pills and call me in the morning?
I mean, I've had more tender send offs in even the most awkward of one night stand - morning afters.

She took a second look at the list of medications the province has on file that I've taken over the year and did a subtle head shake.

As in terms of bloodtests, do these in May and get some exercise!

and that was it

The wounded little girl in me began to tremble with fear, and the weather worn big girl slumped in the subway seat, hopelessness settling into both of us like a damp blanket on a dismal winter evening.


I told E the story:
Well, you know, for some doctors, it's tough love with little to no bedside manner

I bristled at the comment

Let me tell you something about doctors these days. The more you have wrong with you, the less they want to know. The same thing happened with my grandmother - she had spinal stenosis, diabetes and a whole host of other maladies. One doctor said to my mother: she's old, she's sick, it's to be expected. There is nothing much we can do for her now...

And there i was back in the same boat, the same one that my mother once floated by in - her 1st oncologist telling her that she should not even bother with chemotherapy because her kind of cancer had less than a 50% survival rate, but she found a doctor who was determined to help her, and my grandmother found a doctor who was willing to do spinal surgery on an 78 year old woman...

I guess this bad attitude from doctors runs in our genes. I'm only hoping that my medical ship of compassion will come in sooner than later because there is a slow leak in my life raft...