into the hills and far away...

Today, I am exhausted. On a deep tissue and cerebral level.
It's always happens. Must make a note to myself to dig out those posts that proceed the "day after being home" trips. I'm sure they will enlighten me as to how I need to sidestep the monster of bipolar lows.


just because I'm too exhausted to wax poetic about what I'm feeling now, here is a letter to a friend...



It was so wonderful to finally meet you, and also, it was great to find someone as intense as I am. Aside from Bella, I think we are a rare breed. And that might be a good thing - imagine someone like us running the united states...

You have such a great energy, upfront with a no shit attitude. Just like Bella told me you would. I really appreciate that.
It seems like its sorely lacking here in in the city.

Thank you for coming out that night - and then having such a great heart to heart with me. Some of the things you said about my art - my honesty in what I write and photograph, I needed to hear that.

I've been feeling like a fish out of water - flapping around desperatley to find my way back to what I once knew as something which was my element (had been out of it too long, and momentarily forgot where it was that I came from - my passion for photography and writing - telling stories), but having somebody see me from the outside, but who also knew me on the inside, and pointing out that I was on the right path, the right track, made my manic mind calm down. Ease into a sublime tranquility about trusting the universe and trusting myself as to where I was going and how I would get there...

it all went by so fast - the show - the night out, the next day recuperating and hung over, and then into the sunset, on the highway, into the night.


It seems as if I blinked and I was on my way back home - driving through the mountains in a torrential downpour that mimicked my sadness, my mental tears as I left that wonderful city of yours behind...


This trip was quite overwhelming - too much actually. I'm usually quite level headed while i'm there, but I guess with the show - all the anticipation that lead up to it - then the opening night - the heat in the gallery, and then that same night at the bar (god, it's been forever since I've closed down a bar.w I was a bloody mess until this morning...) and now that I'm home, I'm quite depressed.

it happens when I come back from your beautiful city - I feel like a crack whore addict - needing my fix that is 500 miles away, and it's making me cranky, prompting me to sway and swing from my manic highs to now shit off the bottom of the shoe scraping lows...

but I could also be pmsing - but ouch. Talk about timing...

not pretty...


New york's pull on me is defiant yet welcoming.
I don't know how the hell I'm going to get down there, but something will shift, I feel it will be through my art, which will allow me to find another me down there.


Speaking of which, e said that he will most definitely come down again in july as he has some work in westchester, so if he's not with his boss, I will hop along with him. No gallery openings, just time to wind down and hang with my peeps in the city.

I'm going to take the next few days to wind down. I have to digest everything that B said about the direction of my art, where I need to go and how I need to focus.
Lots to process.
Lots of plans to make.

This week, i can tell you, I'll be under my bed, hiding from my dustbunnies who have grown into dustmonsters while we were away, now giving me the evil swiffer eye, as I try to recuperate and refresh back into my normal hum drum life here at home.

Thank you so much again for coming by the show - I'm so happy we have a such a great connection. It's funny, like I said at the show, it feels like I've known you forever :-)

and those photos you took - so very kick ass.
You must show me more of them.

I look so radiant and happy.
The way I should be looking all the time.

sigh...


take care of yourself too my dear.