Half of a halftime post.

If I go to bed before the sun comes up, I'll be happy!
I definitely have to make this a short post.
I have been up too many nights tapping my fingers to the bare bones, trying to spew out something that might resemble a script before the end of this month!
AAHHH!!
Met with the producers and the director on Saturday. We were all there for the auditions (the first round). I stuck around for three of the 6 people. 5 women and one man. All of the women were auditioning for more than one role which I thought was pretty bold and bizarre at the same time. (The bold and bizarre - a new FOX reality TV show. Discuss...) You would have to be next to the level of acting and in the leagues of Sir Anthony Hopkins to be able to pull off such diametrically opposed characters in one audition!! I must say, watching these girls try to pull a Miranda, and then a Charlotte was more exciting than rubbernecking at a car crash! One girl who seemed rather sweet, but was actually quite mousy tried out for Charlotte, and then wanted to do a Carrie Bradshaw. From prim and proper to wild and wacky is a stretch to begin with. The clincher was that she had only seen 3 episodes of Sex in the City!
Lady! The show was on for 6 seasons! And you only got to see three episodes!? And you want to audition for two parts!??!
The sinking of the Titanic would have been less painful than hearing her try to elaborate on the characters she was trying out for:
Ah, Charlotte is the crazy one that sleeps around alot...
No, that's Samantha.
Then Charlotte is the one that has the baby...
No, that's Miranda.
You have one more left honey!! Process of elimination!! Can you do it?? Needless to say, she is out of the running!

We all sat at a long table, side by side, the director in the middle. Opposite from us was a wall with one big mirror on it (I guess it was a dance class/studio) and as I caught the reflection of all of us, it hit me:
We are the cast for the show!
The director was a spitting image for Carrie. Unbelievable. Even down to the hair and mannerisms. This was also confirmed by the 2nd actress that came in to audition:
Why are you girls looking to fill those roles? You have it all with just the four of you!
We all looked at eachother and laughed. Truth is ,the two producers are acting in it, but the director and I are just sitting in the sidelines. But I have a funny feeling that might change, and change soon...

We were casting two small bit parts - a Greek and Italian mother. Samantha ends up sleeping with two guys she meets in a bar on separate occasions. These guys both live with their parents (as part of the southern European tradition goes - you live at home until you get married, or live in the same building as your parents . Even then, the children rarely fly far from the nest, usually two blocks is their limit) and both times Samantha gets caught by the infuriated mother. Just imagine - Samantha and her guy having sex on the kitchen table - the mother walks in, and short of having a heart attack, screams all kinds of obscenities toward her son and the evil wicked woman. Well, it takes a special person to play an infuriated Italian or Greek mother, and after 4 failed attempts from the other actresses, I was asked if I could try out.
I did.
And they loved me.
they really loved me!

I laughed so hard, I almost began to have stomach cramps: C'mon, you have to audition for the part of Miranda. You would be perfect, and the Greek mother? That part is made for you!
I tried to find 1001 excuses in my suitcase of worst case scenario cop-out lines:

I can't remember lines.
I get too nervous on stage.
I am a klutz and will fall into the audience.
I am the writer and I have to stay focused on the writing.
I am not an actress.
I don't want to bring down the play with my bad acting.
I am an alien.
I throw up when I get nervous.
I am waiting to be deported back to the Antartic.
No, really. I am an alien...

Nothing worked. They were convinced. They want me to audition. And they are really gunning for me. I have to admit though, ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to act. I was the performer of the family, putting on all kinds of little variety shows every chance I got. If you were a willing audience, you were going to get the whole Labor Day Jerry Lewis Telethon - all the musicals, skits, interviews - you name it, I did it. I actually auditioned for theater performance when I changed my major in university. And apparently this program was one of the best and toughest to get into in the whole country.
Did I get in?
Yes.
How?
I still have no clue. I tried to memorize a bit of Shakespeare (and I had to memorize a part from the more wishy washy plays like A Midsummer Night's Dream - what I was really looking forward to was sinking my teeth into something like Coriolanus or Antony and Cleopatra - blood! Guts! War and Passion!) but during the audition, I failed miserably. As I look back on that traumatic event, perhaps the one redeeming factor was that I really tried and had my whole heart (and rest of my internal organs) in it. Perhaps the professors saw some sort of potential in me. Perhaps it was because I put on the best British accent this side of the Thames, and actually showed up in a costume!
but
but I decided to go into writing instead.
So here I am.
I am getting such a kick out of this whole situation - if you would have asked me last year what I would be doing in the next 12 months, I would have not had a clue, let alone imagine being on the roster to play the part of a neurotic lawyer in a stage production which is a spoof of a successful comedy series about a group of 4 thirtysomething women and their lives in the big apple.

Sometimes, I just have to sit back and say:
Life.
Who knew!?