These just made my day.
Had to share!!
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/moresexthanme.html
and lunch will NEVER be the same again after you watch this short movie.
I still laugh hysterically when I see it. Even after the 100th time...
http://atomfilms.shockwave.com/af/content/lunch
And the creative minds behind that:
http://www.eggwork.com/home.html
What a way to end off a week!!!
Friday, February 25, 2005
My two favourite words of the month - THE END!
SO THAT WAS IT!!!
THE END!!!!
I finished the play! I finished the play - it is now complete!!!
WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!
I just put the last two words on the last page of the script! And oh what a joyous moment that was!! I am so happy right now I could throw up from the excitement, but that would exhaust me for two days, so I will have to settle with clapping my hands and stomping around my cluttered office like a little kid...
Yippie! :-)
the showpiece update.
SOOO!!
As it stands now:
1) I think I might have misjudged Carrie - she is in fact, quite happy to only act and not direct (as we thought things would get really ugly with all of that but it didn't) so she is actually glad that we are doing our own thing cause it would have been a real hassle for some who was supposed to direct have to follow orders from three other people! She's cool about it so we are too. Apologies, apologies.
2) Charlotte will be directing. I was originally supposed to be co-director but that in itself is just like the director. It would have been a great experience but I can't tug off more than I can chew. I already wrote the damm thing, I think I would exhaust myself doing some direction. But it's all good. I will be there for Charlotte during the more intense scenes, do some prop work, behind the scenes stuff and be their script/show consultant as well. Cool with me.
3) They love the play so far!! I did a rough calculation and the pages I wrote (ie: if they were in Cinema time) would equal one feature film. ONE WHOLE FLIPPING FEATURE FILM!!!!!!!! IN LESS THAN A MONTH!! God, it takes people a minimum of 4 to get a half semi semi decent one... Not bad for a first timer! So I am relieved and pleased. But exhausted as hell...
I did a little crash and burn tonight. I got all emotional over what E said (he was in a bad mood already) and I fell off the deep end. See that is the thing with artists - we work like maniacs 24/7 but when we stop, sometimes we fall apart, perhaps because the rush is gone, or like a car skidding to a halt, you burn rubber in the process.
It was a little blip, and I am spending the weekend at a friend's house and babysit their doggie and two wacky cats. It will be so good for me to get away from this computer. I have a love hate relationship with this office. It gets my creative juices flowing, sometimes it keeps me up all night, and sometimes I bang my head against the keyboard in angst.
Tiss the life of an artist.
I will be putting up more snippets of scenes soon.
The crazy ones are coming....
The crazy ones are coming!!!
As it stands now:
1) I think I might have misjudged Carrie - she is in fact, quite happy to only act and not direct (as we thought things would get really ugly with all of that but it didn't) so she is actually glad that we are doing our own thing cause it would have been a real hassle for some who was supposed to direct have to follow orders from three other people! She's cool about it so we are too. Apologies, apologies.
2) Charlotte will be directing. I was originally supposed to be co-director but that in itself is just like the director. It would have been a great experience but I can't tug off more than I can chew. I already wrote the damm thing, I think I would exhaust myself doing some direction. But it's all good. I will be there for Charlotte during the more intense scenes, do some prop work, behind the scenes stuff and be their script/show consultant as well. Cool with me.
3) They love the play so far!! I did a rough calculation and the pages I wrote (ie: if they were in Cinema time) would equal one feature film. ONE WHOLE FLIPPING FEATURE FILM!!!!!!!! IN LESS THAN A MONTH!! God, it takes people a minimum of 4 to get a half semi semi decent one... Not bad for a first timer! So I am relieved and pleased. But exhausted as hell...
I did a little crash and burn tonight. I got all emotional over what E said (he was in a bad mood already) and I fell off the deep end. See that is the thing with artists - we work like maniacs 24/7 but when we stop, sometimes we fall apart, perhaps because the rush is gone, or like a car skidding to a halt, you burn rubber in the process.
It was a little blip, and I am spending the weekend at a friend's house and babysit their doggie and two wacky cats. It will be so good for me to get away from this computer. I have a love hate relationship with this office. It gets my creative juices flowing, sometimes it keeps me up all night, and sometimes I bang my head against the keyboard in angst.
Tiss the life of an artist.
I will be putting up more snippets of scenes soon.
The crazy ones are coming....
The crazy ones are coming!!!
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Miss America on a train to nowhere in particular.
This is a picture I took about two years ago when I was on the way to New Hampshire back in the days when I went camping. Smack behind the fork of the main road was this empty train car. There had been tracks laid down so obviously there were trains running there at some point, but this one abandoned car was just there. Perhaps somebody might have considered it an art project and decided to decorate the inside, but other than that, it was pretty much untouched. The weird juxtaposition of the American flag and the 'miss America' on the left creeped me out a little. That's it ! I'll call this photo 'Miss America'. For the longest time, I just called it mannequin. 
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
As the stomach churns...
So this is the latest:
Charlotte spoke to Samantha this morning. Apparently she is really nervous as to what Charlotte has directed before (apparently not too much according to Samantha - because apparently Carrie has more 'credentials' in the directing department) BUT what Samantha has failed to understand is that Carrie has EMBELLISHED her resumeé to the point of absurdity. Both Charlotte and I know this, and are both worried. You see, Carrie's direction is like a cookie cutter solution - one form of direction for everybody.
Okay - I want you to act like instead of you hating the fact that you have to eat bugs, you now love it!
??
Well, despite the text having been written that the person saying the lines IS DISGUSTED BY HAVING TO EAT BUGS, she still thinks that there is artistic merit in saying and acting the impossible. And this is said to every actor that walks in the door! You see, directing actors is like tuning a fine instrument - each one has their own sweet spot, a certain thing that they can find in their depths that make them unique - it's the director's job to find that and to fine tune it to perfection, not to punch out 3000 of the same kind of instruments for the sake of production efficiency. This also comes from her lack of experience (and to tell you the truth, some people have it, some people don't- and I really don't think she has it).
I COULD BE WRONG, but my gut and Charlotte's gut is telling me that this is all wrong. But at the same time, I am wondering if I want to take on that kind or responsibility for something that I am not getting paid for. It's a big dilemma. I wanted to get my photography off the ground this summer, so if I did the play thing that would cut into my stuff big time until June. Then June - July -August is all I have left of the summer, which was when I already figured I would have established a solid client base (not to mention lots and lots of weddings and engagements to take photos at which would = lots of money). So the dice are up in the air right now. I am so torn.
I went to bed at 5am again and just woke up. I woke up every two hours, but the fact that my cats were warming up my feet and shoulder was a really nice reason to rest my achy and now, in full protest from lack of sleep body, fall back into a deep, warm and comfy sleep. Oh what to do?! I mean, writing the thing is already a feather in my cap, but at the same time, I am a perfectionist and watching somebody do a hack job to my baby of the script of my loins and brain would be a slow torture.
WHAT TO DO!! WHAT TO DO!!!!
Now my life is like a cross between Sienfeld and Sex in the City.
HOW WEIRD IS THAT!?????????????
More updates as events warrant....
OMG! I don't know if this is some sort of cryptic sign that the universe is telling me to go full throttle with this sex and the city parody, but it's pretty freaky timing since I just wrote the previous entry and just HAPPENED to stumble across this while surfing aimlessly. This was just tooo funny, I had to add it. A classic. Absolute classic!
A brief brief.
It's late again.
Almost quarter to four.
Spent most of the night airing my grievances with Charlotte.
The director brought in a 'replacement' director.
He was arrogant, stuck up and asked us 'So what is your point about this play?'
ITS A COMEDY!??
WE WANT TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH?
Do you need any other good reasons?
What Carrie (soon to be non - director) said that we were unprofessional becasue we didn't have a finished script, we were late bla bla bla and that this uber big (??!!) director was not impressed with our energies. I felt like saying - "AH HELLO!!? Have you been up 18 - 20 hours a day for the past three weeks typing your fingers to the bone, having almost daily meetings about the script, where it was going, who was what and where? And you think you're just gonna sail in here, look down on us and say we're unprofessional and low on energy!?
(excuse my French but) GIVE ME A FUCKEN BREAK!!!!!
We were not impressed by the fact that Carrie did not mention to us beforehand that she was going to bring him (she did it on the spur of the moment) so we could have at least been prepared (and at least have slept!!) - so that was a major downer. So after me venting on Charlotte and saying that Yes, I agree, we have the vision and we really know what we want with this thing - so hell!! Why don't we just co-direct this thing!!!
She liked the idea, so folks, not only will I be master of the pen, but it looks like I'll have some of my fingers in the stew as well!! I told her that film and theater are two different animals, and that I would not feel comfortable doing it alone, but two heads are better than one, and I feel that she has more stage experience so I would not mind if she took the lead if she felt the need to. So that works fine by me. Fine by me.
So that is the scoop.
I am so used to going on three hours of sleep I think that my body is just going to be falling off in little chunks soon as I am walking around the city in the next few days - you know, like those old junk heap cars - there goes a hubcap. Oops, there just went the passenger side door.
Oops, seems like my right ear and my left boob just fell off about two blocks ago, but shit, my eye just rolled across the street - it's easier to get fake boobs and are more functional than a glass eye so...
Priorities Priorities..
Babble Babble of the incoherent madwoman...
Almost quarter to four.
Spent most of the night airing my grievances with Charlotte.
The director brought in a 'replacement' director.
He was arrogant, stuck up and asked us 'So what is your point about this play?'
ITS A COMEDY!??
WE WANT TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH?
Do you need any other good reasons?
What Carrie (soon to be non - director) said that we were unprofessional becasue we didn't have a finished script, we were late bla bla bla and that this uber big (??!!) director was not impressed with our energies. I felt like saying - "AH HELLO!!? Have you been up 18 - 20 hours a day for the past three weeks typing your fingers to the bone, having almost daily meetings about the script, where it was going, who was what and where? And you think you're just gonna sail in here, look down on us and say we're unprofessional and low on energy!?
(excuse my French but) GIVE ME A FUCKEN BREAK!!!!!
We were not impressed by the fact that Carrie did not mention to us beforehand that she was going to bring him (she did it on the spur of the moment) so we could have at least been prepared (and at least have slept!!) - so that was a major downer. So after me venting on Charlotte and saying that Yes, I agree, we have the vision and we really know what we want with this thing - so hell!! Why don't we just co-direct this thing!!!
She liked the idea, so folks, not only will I be master of the pen, but it looks like I'll have some of my fingers in the stew as well!! I told her that film and theater are two different animals, and that I would not feel comfortable doing it alone, but two heads are better than one, and I feel that she has more stage experience so I would not mind if she took the lead if she felt the need to. So that works fine by me. Fine by me.
So that is the scoop.
I am so used to going on three hours of sleep I think that my body is just going to be falling off in little chunks soon as I am walking around the city in the next few days - you know, like those old junk heap cars - there goes a hubcap. Oops, there just went the passenger side door.
Oops, seems like my right ear and my left boob just fell off about two blocks ago, but shit, my eye just rolled across the street - it's easier to get fake boobs and are more functional than a glass eye so...
Priorities Priorities..
Babble Babble of the incoherent madwoman...
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Finishing line.
It's almost there.
The final first draft.
By this time tomorrow, it will be done.
I can't believe it. I am sitting here in a state of shock as I look at this pile of papers on my desk which are now being held together by sheer willpower and a huge clip.
It's almost done.
The first draft.
I am completely stunned.
It's about 78 pages, and that is single spaced.
At only a 10 point font.
Done by industry standards, I think I would have enough material to make a feature film.
a feature film
I have always dreamed of that, and at 5:15am, of after almost 2 weeks of sleepless nights and red eyed mornings, it's there. Almost done. Not a film, but a play.
close enough
All that remains to be done is the last little bit where Carrie sees big and she then goes off on her last tangent of insight which makes no sense (as per her character in the play). I need a fresh set of eyes for this - Charlotte is coming by my place in (checking my watch) in about 5 hours. HOLY CRAP!! Do I actually have time to sleep a little bit??! YIPPIE!!
Fresh eyes for the most powerful punch of the play - the ending. I can't wait to finish this draft. I know the biz enough to have weathered through the re-writing stages, but nothing beats coming up with the first draft. I have never had kids, but from what I have heard, I think this would come in a close second as the most exhausting and painful thing on earth, but at the same time, the most rewarding.
Its almost done.
Its almost done.
I did it.
I did it!
If you would have asked me a year ago to write something like this, I would have doubled over with laughter and disbelief. And to put it all together in about a month? I would have laughed myself unconscious. But here I am. Beaming while I look at that little pile on my desk, amidst the other pieces of paper, bottles, glasses, plates, kleenexes, and various other shits that have acculmulated while I have been on this writing quest. I must take a picture and post it here. That will be after I sleep for a few hours, enough so that I don't fall on my face while I attend the 2nd round of auditions tonight - 5 - 11pm.
God, all of this better be worth it in the end!!!
So on that note, I am pooped. My fingers have developed callous from typing so much and my eyes are so dry I can hear the crunching when I blink.
Thanks to everybody who has been with me on this journey so far.
Stay tuned.
The best is yet to come ;-)
The final first draft.
By this time tomorrow, it will be done.
I can't believe it. I am sitting here in a state of shock as I look at this pile of papers on my desk which are now being held together by sheer willpower and a huge clip.
It's almost done.
The first draft.
I am completely stunned.
It's about 78 pages, and that is single spaced.
At only a 10 point font.
Done by industry standards, I think I would have enough material to make a feature film.
a feature film
I have always dreamed of that, and at 5:15am, of after almost 2 weeks of sleepless nights and red eyed mornings, it's there. Almost done. Not a film, but a play.
close enough
All that remains to be done is the last little bit where Carrie sees big and she then goes off on her last tangent of insight which makes no sense (as per her character in the play). I need a fresh set of eyes for this - Charlotte is coming by my place in (checking my watch) in about 5 hours. HOLY CRAP!! Do I actually have time to sleep a little bit??! YIPPIE!!
Fresh eyes for the most powerful punch of the play - the ending. I can't wait to finish this draft. I know the biz enough to have weathered through the re-writing stages, but nothing beats coming up with the first draft. I have never had kids, but from what I have heard, I think this would come in a close second as the most exhausting and painful thing on earth, but at the same time, the most rewarding.
Its almost done.
Its almost done.
I did it.
I did it!
If you would have asked me a year ago to write something like this, I would have doubled over with laughter and disbelief. And to put it all together in about a month? I would have laughed myself unconscious. But here I am. Beaming while I look at that little pile on my desk, amidst the other pieces of paper, bottles, glasses, plates, kleenexes, and various other shits that have acculmulated while I have been on this writing quest. I must take a picture and post it here. That will be after I sleep for a few hours, enough so that I don't fall on my face while I attend the 2nd round of auditions tonight - 5 - 11pm.
God, all of this better be worth it in the end!!!
So on that note, I am pooped. My fingers have developed callous from typing so much and my eyes are so dry I can hear the crunching when I blink.
Thanks to everybody who has been with me on this journey so far.
Stay tuned.
The best is yet to come ;-)
The chair that I sat in for 19 hours a day (sometimes more)
This was by far the most uncomfortable chairs I have ever sat in, but it kept me alert. It also made me feel like a director, which is always inspirational. One day, I'll get my own with my name embroidered on the back. Notice the close proximity of the garbae bag. I did'nt show the port-a-potty. Too embarrassing...
This was by far the most uncomfortable chairs I have ever sat in, but it kept me alert. It also made me feel like a director, which is always inspirational. One day, I'll get my own with my name embroidered on the back. Notice the close proximity of the garbae bag. I did'nt show the port-a-potty. Too embarrassing...
view 2 of my desk
From left to right: Gel wrist rest for mousepad (invaluable) empty glasses (drank so much water- being a writer deyhdrates me!), stickies with words of inspiration on monitor frame, a calendar from one of my best friends in Nepal, a little photo of 'Everything is possible' that I wrote in the sand while I was in Cuba- nice distraction when I am crying my eyes out in frustration, submission form with a sticky saying :URGENT - DEADLINE FRIDAY!, blank stickies pack, pens and highlighters (editing tools) crumpled kleenex and stapler, THE SCRIPT!!, my binder with a scene by scene breakdown (when I am stressed, I seem to become very anal retentive about organization. I know it does not look like it here, but it seems only to apply to the project that I am working on. As you can see, everything else falls by the wayside. Upsidedown walkman thrown about in frustration becasue batteries died, and then a file holder of papers and things that I will finally be able to sort through.
From left to right: Gel wrist rest for mousepad (invaluable) empty glasses (drank so much water- being a writer deyhdrates me!), stickies with words of inspiration on monitor frame, a calendar from one of my best friends in Nepal, a little photo of 'Everything is possible' that I wrote in the sand while I was in Cuba- nice distraction when I am crying my eyes out in frustration, submission form with a sticky saying :URGENT - DEADLINE FRIDAY!, blank stickies pack, pens and highlighters (editing tools) crumpled kleenex and stapler, THE SCRIPT!!, my binder with a scene by scene breakdown (when I am stressed, I seem to become very anal retentive about organization. I know it does not look like it here, but it seems only to apply to the project that I am working on. As you can see, everything else falls by the wayside. Upsidedown walkman thrown about in frustration becasue batteries died, and then a file holder of papers and things that I will finally be able to sort through.
View 1 of my desk
From upper top left: container of catnip to keep the cats occupied when they come and protest becasue I am spending too much time on the computer, Speaker (part of a set) - music CD (smooth jazz to keep me from going out of my mind) Bottom lower left: empty container of fresh pineapples and stawberries (consumed at 5am for sugar rush), cell phone for text messaging friends asking them what life is like in the outside word, mirror to see how shitty and tired I look, post it notes and spare pens everywhere.
From upper top left: container of catnip to keep the cats occupied when they come and protest becasue I am spending too much time on the computer, Speaker (part of a set) - music CD (smooth jazz to keep me from going out of my mind) Bottom lower left: empty container of fresh pineapples and stawberries (consumed at 5am for sugar rush), cell phone for text messaging friends asking them what life is like in the outside word, mirror to see how shitty and tired I look, post it notes and spare pens everywhere.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
This is just too funny!
This is from Charlotte - one of the producers of the play. This girl is a complete scream to being with, but when this email came in at 4:30th this morning, I was on the floor heaving becasue I was laughing so hard! And the classic, is that when I spoke to her this afternoon, she had no recollection of what she wrote in the email.
A beautiful peice of work - unedited, unspell checked. Hysterical. Absofuckenlootley hysterical. I will be looking for some of 'those' emails I have sent in the past and post them here too. Does anybody have a crazy incoherent drunk/stoned email that they would like to share??
Enjoy!
I love it you're so funny. Yeah, Igot home late agaIN. BDAY PARTY and then I wnet tp a local pubby thing and ran into so many peop;e I know, but obviously can'ta spell at hiis pooint in theeevening. fuck spell checkk, fun em all, woo hoo, hyea so htat was me as I cralwelled out at fouir somethin' heh, i can still contact. that'as right I kinda got it goin on, anyway, thought you might enjoy my sillyness, I'll espacand is you ask em to. and if you figure out what the hell I just speellled. okee dokee, I sweare, I am not a boosehounder.
alreight then. not makin ' any efforts anymore.
xoxo
oh my gid will yousitlli respec tme inthe moninig.
A beautiful peice of work - unedited, unspell checked. Hysterical. Absofuckenlootley hysterical. I will be looking for some of 'those' emails I have sent in the past and post them here too. Does anybody have a crazy incoherent drunk/stoned email that they would like to share??
Enjoy!
I love it you're so funny. Yeah, Igot home late agaIN. BDAY PARTY and then I wnet tp a local pubby thing and ran into so many peop;e I know, but obviously can'ta spell at hiis pooint in theeevening. fuck spell checkk, fun em all, woo hoo, hyea so htat was me as I cralwelled out at fouir somethin' heh, i can still contact. that'as right I kinda got it goin on, anyway, thought you might enjoy my sillyness, I'll espacand is you ask em to. and if you figure out what the hell I just speellled. okee dokee, I sweare, I am not a boosehounder.
alreight then. not makin ' any efforts anymore.
xoxo
oh my gid will yousitlli respec tme inthe moninig.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Viewer discretion is advised...
You know those annoying things that come on just before a tv show, that little blurb that comes on to tell you that what you will be watching might be 'offensive', or there may be nudity, or profanity? Well, that was one of our observations when we were disecting the show (SITC) becasue after every commercial, just before the show resumes, that 'viewer discretion' comes up!! ALL THE TIME!. Samantha thought it would be hysterical if I really went over the top with this and had fun. So here are a few of the inserts that we will be playing (voice overs) inbetween the scene transitions to give the actors a little more time to prep for the following scene. If you have any ideas of comments - please feel free to fire away!! And Gama! I think I might just use your comment about the 'i've done so much french kissing in my life..." If I win an award and have to make a speech - that line will be credited to you!!! ;-)
This program contains scenes of a mature and sexual nature. Viewer discretion is advised.
This program contains some scenes and specific jokes that are strategically timed in the hopes that you will find them funny. Comedic reflection is advised.
This program contains scenes of a mature and sexual nature, however no actual sex acts take place on the stage, so it’s not really that bad, it’s just that the characters say 'fuck' a lot so you could be a better judge than I can if viewer discretion should be advised.
This program contains scenes of implied sex and dry humping. Having an erection is not discouraged but advised.
Still plugging along. Last night I had a tsunami* of inspiration and was on such a writing spree - I went to bed at 6am. It just poured out of me - comedy dripping from my fingertips. Crossing fingers that I can get an encore like that tonight!
* We are only February and that has to be the most overused word in the english language. Sorry, I had to use it.
This program contains scenes of a mature and sexual nature. Viewer discretion is advised.
This program contains some scenes and specific jokes that are strategically timed in the hopes that you will find them funny. Comedic reflection is advised.
This program contains scenes of a mature and sexual nature, however no actual sex acts take place on the stage, so it’s not really that bad, it’s just that the characters say 'fuck' a lot so you could be a better judge than I can if viewer discretion should be advised.
This program contains scenes of implied sex and dry humping. Having an erection is not discouraged but advised.
Still plugging along. Last night I had a tsunami* of inspiration and was on such a writing spree - I went to bed at 6am. It just poured out of me - comedy dripping from my fingertips. Crossing fingers that I can get an encore like that tonight!
* We are only February and that has to be the most overused word in the english language. Sorry, I had to use it.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Stress-o-matic or 'How to develop an ulcer in 7 days or less'.
Gang,
I am stressing.
I got the word from Charlotte last night that they need the script by next Tuesday.
Less than a week.
I had to put the phone down while I was talking to her because my head popped off and had to fetch it up across the street.
"Its not like we are trying to pressure you..."
Oh no pressure. Really.
You know, the average screenplay/script/play can take up to a year to be written. If you're lucky, 4 months for a shitty one.
No pressure. No panic.
God. Time to panic.
So even thought I say that I work well under pressure and manage to shine through what I think is a hopeless situation, this is a little different: there is a director who is waiting to see if he 'likes' the script enough to take it on, (I was going to throw my hat in the ring, but cinema and theater are really two different animals - ladybug and buffalo. Discuss.) and then there all the actors that are waiting to rehearse. The thing is that this play is no small endeavor. 60 minutes of what I hope to be witty repartee is alot to think of - especially when you are including 8 plus characters in the mix (I think I'm up to 14 scenes over the 3 day period in the show...). I am stressing. I will have no life until next Tuesday. I might take the odd occasional nanosecond to visit some of you guys/gals, leave some incoherent jibber-jabber on your sites and then return to my Word doc. from hell to plug away until my fingers bleed.
Eeegad. What am I doing!?!?!?!?
Shit.
Merde. (Another new french swear word for today. merde = shit)
I had to add this in because it was so funny and it kinda reflects my state of mind right now. All you lucid dreamers out there might get a kick out of this...
I was near a beach (that Cuba pic with the thatched straw hut/umbrella) and looking at the beautiful water. I entered my room and then went to the bathroom. I opened the window and it seemed like the ocean was right below the window. I shouted to someone 'look - that is my view from my bathroom window!" I was elated. Have no clue why. Was just weird.
The next thing I know, I am running on the beach, across the beach into this building that looked like a loading depot. I took the stairwell and did one of those 1000 steps stairwell things - going up, running down. I guess I have been watching too many cop shows. I ran into these two Seattle grunge type guys (one fat/one skinny) who were looking for the same elusive place that I was. We teamed up. Every door we opened on each floor was the wrong one. We finally got to the right floor. It was the main area of a church - one of those big Cathedral types where there is enough wood in there to make the rainforest or the whole of British Columbian mountan range feel naked. We walked in and there were seniors everywhere. Wall to wall seniors. White caps on a wave of walkers and canes. At one point, some music started (I think it was my clock radio) and these people were looking for someone to sing the lead. I saw this one woman in a wheelchair who was grooving to the music. I walked on over to her and low and behold, she was one of the sisters from the band called Heart. I looked at her and whispered:
You have to do it for the music. You have to do it for the fans. Don't be scared. You can do it.
And the next thing I know, she grabs some wireless mic from out of the blue and began to belt out the song 'barracuda' !! OOOOOOHHH barra barra cooooodaaaaahhh. It's quite the highly charged song so to see it coming out of the wrinkled mouth of an 80 year old woman was a shock. She just opened her mouth and sang - full back up , bass and drums, just like the original recording. So Seattle dudes and I began to get everybody moving and shaking their weak limbs. When that was taking off, we walked to the back of the church, met up with some other 20 somethings and drank beer, played pool (I never knew they had pool tables in the back of the church!) and just had a great time!
But to see that old woman sing. That just floored me.
Imagine...
Welcome to my wonderful world!!!
AHHHHHHHHHH!
Thanks to Calvooly for this delightful diverson.
I visit it.
Often.
It's my escape when I am Carrie Bradsaw'd out.
I am stressing.
I got the word from Charlotte last night that they need the script by next Tuesday.
Less than a week.
I had to put the phone down while I was talking to her because my head popped off and had to fetch it up across the street.
"Its not like we are trying to pressure you..."
Oh no pressure. Really.
You know, the average screenplay/script/play can take up to a year to be written. If you're lucky, 4 months for a shitty one.
No pressure. No panic.
God. Time to panic.
So even thought I say that I work well under pressure and manage to shine through what I think is a hopeless situation, this is a little different: there is a director who is waiting to see if he 'likes' the script enough to take it on, (I was going to throw my hat in the ring, but cinema and theater are really two different animals - ladybug and buffalo. Discuss.) and then there all the actors that are waiting to rehearse. The thing is that this play is no small endeavor. 60 minutes of what I hope to be witty repartee is alot to think of - especially when you are including 8 plus characters in the mix (I think I'm up to 14 scenes over the 3 day period in the show...). I am stressing. I will have no life until next Tuesday. I might take the odd occasional nanosecond to visit some of you guys/gals, leave some incoherent jibber-jabber on your sites and then return to my Word doc. from hell to plug away until my fingers bleed.
Eeegad. What am I doing!?!?!?!?
Shit.
Merde. (Another new french swear word for today. merde = shit)
I had to add this in because it was so funny and it kinda reflects my state of mind right now. All you lucid dreamers out there might get a kick out of this...
I was near a beach (that Cuba pic with the thatched straw hut/umbrella) and looking at the beautiful water. I entered my room and then went to the bathroom. I opened the window and it seemed like the ocean was right below the window. I shouted to someone 'look - that is my view from my bathroom window!" I was elated. Have no clue why. Was just weird.
The next thing I know, I am running on the beach, across the beach into this building that looked like a loading depot. I took the stairwell and did one of those 1000 steps stairwell things - going up, running down. I guess I have been watching too many cop shows. I ran into these two Seattle grunge type guys (one fat/one skinny) who were looking for the same elusive place that I was. We teamed up. Every door we opened on each floor was the wrong one. We finally got to the right floor. It was the main area of a church - one of those big Cathedral types where there is enough wood in there to make the rainforest or the whole of British Columbian mountan range feel naked. We walked in and there were seniors everywhere. Wall to wall seniors. White caps on a wave of walkers and canes. At one point, some music started (I think it was my clock radio) and these people were looking for someone to sing the lead. I saw this one woman in a wheelchair who was grooving to the music. I walked on over to her and low and behold, she was one of the sisters from the band called Heart. I looked at her and whispered:
You have to do it for the music. You have to do it for the fans. Don't be scared. You can do it.
And the next thing I know, she grabs some wireless mic from out of the blue and began to belt out the song 'barracuda' !! OOOOOOHHH barra barra cooooodaaaaahhh. It's quite the highly charged song so to see it coming out of the wrinkled mouth of an 80 year old woman was a shock. She just opened her mouth and sang - full back up , bass and drums, just like the original recording. So Seattle dudes and I began to get everybody moving and shaking their weak limbs. When that was taking off, we walked to the back of the church, met up with some other 20 somethings and drank beer, played pool (I never knew they had pool tables in the back of the church!) and just had a great time!
But to see that old woman sing. That just floored me.
Imagine...
Welcome to my wonderful world!!!
AHHHHHHHHHH!
Thanks to Calvooly for this delightful diverson.
I visit it.
Often.
It's my escape when I am Carrie Bradsaw'd out.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Insanity Reigns supreme here at home.
Insanity reigns supreme here.
And so my friends, here begins another night of insanity.
I just thought I’d let you all know that I am here, but not really on this planet. I’ll be giving little updates for the next two weeks (or longer rants when I feel like I am going out of my mind completely).
So begins another night of some serious junk food consumption, carpal tunnel syndrome au max and fending off my cats who have decided that my computer and area are now their territory and will fight to the final meow to prove their point.
A summary: In two weeks this baby has to be able to walk on it’s own two feet. Right now, its in various states of regurgitation and rolling around, trying to recognize that it actually does have feet, let alone the discovery of the toes yet. The pressure is on and my body, aside from sending me smoke signals, is in revolt and trying to tell me to slow down. I am trying, but the state of panic and the feeling of responsibility that I have and the reality that the whole cast of 12 are waiting on this script to begin rehearsals has me in a tailspin. (We have to welcome my little evil voice of sarcasm that has decided to put its two cents worth in every now and then)
It’s not like this is a paying gig! Why stress so much over it!
Because I want to do a good job. Not only a good job, a great amazing fucken job; because I want this piece of work to be my calling card for future projects. I stress because people are waiting on me for this. I stress because I can.
I stress therefore I am.
You better make sure that you get at least some sort of deal or publicity out of this! You gotta hound the producers after this is done! Tell them – I did this shit for free – but now I want payback, in publicity! And lots of it.
I think I would take sleep and rest over publicity now. But that’s now…
On Sunday afternoon, Charlotte, Samantha and I brainstormed into the wee hours of Monday morning. We started at 3pm, watched some clips of SATC, worked some more, had dinner, worked some more at dinner, came back to my place, worked some more, Samantha left at 11:30pm and then Charlotte and I finished off the night at 5:00am!! I could not believe it!! I had tried to take Blueleaf’s suggestion of staying up until the wee hours, not going to sleep but try to reset your clock by going to bed that night at ‘regular time’, but at 6:30am when E got up, my head hit the pillow and there was no turning back from Lala land. I slept until about 8pm. I rolled out of bed, dragged myself through the shower like a dilapidated stationwagon in a carwash, shoveled down my food without tasting it, and then went back to bed. Today was much the same. My clock is now on some sort of Asian Pacific time and one day behind.
What I do for my art.
You are insane. Fucked up artist.
I know. You don’t have to remind me.
Go to bed wacky woman.
I am and shut up, don't be an asshole.
And sweeet dreams to you too!!
And the saga continues...
As promised some little snippets of the play so far…
Carrie: Oh, Jean Paul, I found out that my name means cavity in french!
Charlotte:I wonder what my name means in French?
Jean Paul: It means Charlotte. It’s a very French name my dear.
Charlotte:Oh really!? That’s so exciting! Maybe I have some French in me…
Samantha: I wouldn’t mind having a little frenchie in me, especially after last night!
I have made Samantha the total horn dog. Almost everything she says or makes comments on is about sex. Not a real stretch from the show...
If you have seen the show, you all might remember that Carrie loves to do voice overs - her little blurbs of introspection or insight which are often are used as scene transitons, bridges between two seperate topics of conversation, or even just to fill up dead air. This is the way I decided to use her voice overs in between scenes to allow the actors to change into their next set of costumes...
Voice over on an empty stage:
Meanwhile at the café... (pause)
Meanwhile in the metro...(pause)
Meanwhile, at the bar… (pause)
Meanwhile… (long pause)
Okay, I’m ready now!
This would have been perfect for film or tv as I had envisoined shots of these places with nothing going on, and nobody to be seen in them seen either. Adding the cricket noises so often employed to show deserted locations was another option.
And so my friends, here begins another night of insanity.
I just thought I’d let you all know that I am here, but not really on this planet. I’ll be giving little updates for the next two weeks (or longer rants when I feel like I am going out of my mind completely).
So begins another night of some serious junk food consumption, carpal tunnel syndrome au max and fending off my cats who have decided that my computer and area are now their territory and will fight to the final meow to prove their point.
A summary: In two weeks this baby has to be able to walk on it’s own two feet. Right now, its in various states of regurgitation and rolling around, trying to recognize that it actually does have feet, let alone the discovery of the toes yet. The pressure is on and my body, aside from sending me smoke signals, is in revolt and trying to tell me to slow down. I am trying, but the state of panic and the feeling of responsibility that I have and the reality that the whole cast of 12 are waiting on this script to begin rehearsals has me in a tailspin. (We have to welcome my little evil voice of sarcasm that has decided to put its two cents worth in every now and then)
It’s not like this is a paying gig! Why stress so much over it!
Because I want to do a good job. Not only a good job, a great amazing fucken job; because I want this piece of work to be my calling card for future projects. I stress because people are waiting on me for this. I stress because I can.
I stress therefore I am.
You better make sure that you get at least some sort of deal or publicity out of this! You gotta hound the producers after this is done! Tell them – I did this shit for free – but now I want payback, in publicity! And lots of it.
I think I would take sleep and rest over publicity now. But that’s now…
On Sunday afternoon, Charlotte, Samantha and I brainstormed into the wee hours of Monday morning. We started at 3pm, watched some clips of SATC, worked some more, had dinner, worked some more at dinner, came back to my place, worked some more, Samantha left at 11:30pm and then Charlotte and I finished off the night at 5:00am!! I could not believe it!! I had tried to take Blueleaf’s suggestion of staying up until the wee hours, not going to sleep but try to reset your clock by going to bed that night at ‘regular time’, but at 6:30am when E got up, my head hit the pillow and there was no turning back from Lala land. I slept until about 8pm. I rolled out of bed, dragged myself through the shower like a dilapidated stationwagon in a carwash, shoveled down my food without tasting it, and then went back to bed. Today was much the same. My clock is now on some sort of Asian Pacific time and one day behind.
What I do for my art.
You are insane. Fucked up artist.
I know. You don’t have to remind me.
Go to bed wacky woman.
I am and shut up, don't be an asshole.
And sweeet dreams to you too!!
And the saga continues...
As promised some little snippets of the play so far…
Carrie: Oh, Jean Paul, I found out that my name means cavity in french!
Charlotte:I wonder what my name means in French?
Jean Paul: It means Charlotte. It’s a very French name my dear.
Charlotte:Oh really!? That’s so exciting! Maybe I have some French in me…
Samantha: I wouldn’t mind having a little frenchie in me, especially after last night!
I have made Samantha the total horn dog. Almost everything she says or makes comments on is about sex. Not a real stretch from the show...
If you have seen the show, you all might remember that Carrie loves to do voice overs - her little blurbs of introspection or insight which are often are used as scene transitons, bridges between two seperate topics of conversation, or even just to fill up dead air. This is the way I decided to use her voice overs in between scenes to allow the actors to change into their next set of costumes...
Voice over on an empty stage:
Meanwhile at the café... (pause)
Meanwhile in the metro...(pause)
Meanwhile, at the bar… (pause)
Meanwhile… (long pause)
Okay, I’m ready now!
This would have been perfect for film or tv as I had envisoined shots of these places with nothing going on, and nobody to be seen in them seen either. Adding the cricket noises so often employed to show deserted locations was another option.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Quebec 101
I apologise I forgot about the Esti and the direct english translation.
These links will help for further references
One definition of origin:
For some odd reason, all the swear words in Quebec are sacred objects…Tabernac! being the favourite. Also popular swear words are Calice! (chalice) and Ciboire! (ciborium) Esti or L'hostie (host).
Os"tie, Stie. Québécois swear word meaning "The consecrated wafer; the host". Often used in a religious phrase, as in "'Stie d'tabernak!"
more info:
Before the 1960s the Québec identity was shaped by religion, in addition to language. The French-Canadians were almost entirely Roman Catholic. They were a priest-ridden, isolated, ignorant people, lacking a professional, commercial, or managerial class, except for the priests, kept in a sort of medieval limbo and economic inferiority by their dictators and owners, like the rest of Latin America.
french slang for everything
and the classic:
Quebec French Profanity
Hope that helps. TABERNAC!!
These links will help for further references
One definition of origin:
For some odd reason, all the swear words in Quebec are sacred objects…Tabernac! being the favourite. Also popular swear words are Calice! (chalice) and Ciboire! (ciborium) Esti or L'hostie (host).
Os"tie, Stie. Québécois swear word meaning "The consecrated wafer; the host". Often used in a religious phrase, as in "'Stie d'tabernak!"
more info:
Before the 1960s the Québec identity was shaped by religion, in addition to language. The French-Canadians were almost entirely Roman Catholic. They were a priest-ridden, isolated, ignorant people, lacking a professional, commercial, or managerial class, except for the priests, kept in a sort of medieval limbo and economic inferiority by their dictators and owners, like the rest of Latin America.
french slang for everything
and the classic:
Quebec French Profanity
Hope that helps. TABERNAC!!
Outrageous, out the door, out of steam and out of control - my life in a nutshell.
Hello All!
I apologize for disappearing!
I have been on such a bender - I don't know if it's the pounds of underground coffee beans that I have been eating for breakfast or if it is just called artistic desperation, but I have been writing and running around non stop - I am the everyready bunny on acid and speed.
tomorrow is the big vernisage (fancy french word for a new show opening up at a gallery) and I am waaaaayyy nervous. I have invited tons of people and I am soo excited ! Here I go again pulling a Sally Feild:
They like me! They really like me!
And am just a bag of jitters just becasue that's the way I get when my things are shown in public (that sounds nasty doesn't it. Well, it's not really). I will keep you all posted as to how it turns out! I will be at home recuperating Sunday and Sunday night brainstorming with Charlotte and Samantha again in the hopes of finishing off the script.
God! I still can't believe I took on such a huge endeavor!! YIKES!!
So on that note, as promised, I'll leave you with some snippets from the show. Hope you enjoy them!!
(oh, and Esti is actually a swear word in french...)
;-)
All the girls are sitting in a diner.
Samantha: So what will you be wearing to tomorrow’s, what’s it called – (pulls out invitation) – vern – eee –sage?
Carrie: I really don’t know yet. (shocked at herself) I think I have reached a fashion block. Everything I put on lately just doesn’t seem to fit right. Either its too loose, or too tight or bunched up in all the wrong places. I have a funny feeling my body is trying to tell me something…
Miranda: My body is telling me that it has reached the perfect age to shop for and wear clothes with elastic waistbands and polyester tops without a lot of buttons…
Samantha: I’m a zipper gal myself…
Charlotte:(to Carrie) What are you talking about? You look fantastic for your age!
Carrie: Should I take that as an insult wrapped in a compliment wrapped in a polyester pantsuit?
Charlotte: No… I just mean that anything you wear, you look great in! It’s all about attitude. Its how you wear the clothes that you’re in. If you feel sexy, you’ll look sexy!
Samantha: Heck, if I’m in a mood, feeling all sexy and horny, I can pull off wearing almost anything! And have!!
Carrie: We know all about the Glad garbage bag story thank you very much…
Samantha: But plastic bags and baby oil?!?! Hmm, honey! You gotta try it sometime! All that slipping and sliding around - …
Charlotte: Glad. Wasn’t that the quicker picker upper, no wait (pauses) that’s Bounty..
Miranda: My clothes say - I’m practical, but boring - comfortable yet casual. Cotton briefs for when I get my period, no nonsense sweatpants for hanging around the house and going to the grocery store. Comfort is key for this thirtysomething gal. No more squeezing myself into pants that are two sizes too small, or tops that barely cover my tits (looks down at her chest), well, barely cover this area (makes a hand motion around her chest).
Carrie: I have to find something tres tres chic. It’s going to be a cinq a sept.
Charlotte: Ooh! What’s a cinq a sept? It sounds so exciting!
Samantha: Where I come from, its called happy hour, or is (pause) it liquid h’or deuvres in Montreal…
Carrie:Its absolutely exciting! Cinq a sept is a local French phrase for a get together between five and seven PM – usually to launch an art exposition or book signing, often held in a fancy loft or gallery, either on the plateau or in the old city where people go to look pretty and rub elbows with the city’s clique of artsy-fartsies.
Miranda:And you would consider yourself an artsy-fartsy?
Carrie:Well, now that I have a job, am able to afford to live in an apartment bigger than a bathroom and don’t have to recycle my cigarette butts might mean that I’ve probably grown out of that ‘title’ somewhat…
Samantha:What an adventure to look forward to! All those young hot French boys with their beautiful slim bodies and long hair, and ooooh! That accent just drives me wild!
Miranda:You don’t understand half of what they say to you anyway -.
Samantha:Does it really matter???!! I’m a Canadian as well! We’re all from the same country – that should be enough common ground enough for at least a one night stand (contemplates). Whatever it is, it’s the perfect time for an after work getaway, not long enough to get people completely drunk, but long enough to- .
Carrie (interjecting):To slap over a cheque of 5 grand for a painting that looks like a piece of shit when sober!!
They all take their cups/glasses and meet in the middle of the table – clinking them together
Samantha: Oui Oui !
Miranda: Salute!
Charlotte: Esti!
Carrie: What’s an esti?
Charlotte: Some bum with on the street with a beer in his hand said it to me as I walked by him last night. I think it means – to your health!
All Girls together: ESTI!!
I apologize for disappearing!
I have been on such a bender - I don't know if it's the pounds of underground coffee beans that I have been eating for breakfast or if it is just called artistic desperation, but I have been writing and running around non stop - I am the everyready bunny on acid and speed.
tomorrow is the big vernisage (fancy french word for a new show opening up at a gallery) and I am waaaaayyy nervous. I have invited tons of people and I am soo excited ! Here I go again pulling a Sally Feild:
They like me! They really like me!
And am just a bag of jitters just becasue that's the way I get when my things are shown in public (that sounds nasty doesn't it. Well, it's not really). I will keep you all posted as to how it turns out! I will be at home recuperating Sunday and Sunday night brainstorming with Charlotte and Samantha again in the hopes of finishing off the script.
God! I still can't believe I took on such a huge endeavor!! YIKES!!
So on that note, as promised, I'll leave you with some snippets from the show. Hope you enjoy them!!
(oh, and Esti is actually a swear word in french...)
;-)
All the girls are sitting in a diner.
Samantha: So what will you be wearing to tomorrow’s, what’s it called – (pulls out invitation) – vern – eee –sage?
Carrie: I really don’t know yet. (shocked at herself) I think I have reached a fashion block. Everything I put on lately just doesn’t seem to fit right. Either its too loose, or too tight or bunched up in all the wrong places. I have a funny feeling my body is trying to tell me something…
Miranda: My body is telling me that it has reached the perfect age to shop for and wear clothes with elastic waistbands and polyester tops without a lot of buttons…
Samantha: I’m a zipper gal myself…
Charlotte:(to Carrie) What are you talking about? You look fantastic for your age!
Carrie: Should I take that as an insult wrapped in a compliment wrapped in a polyester pantsuit?
Charlotte: No… I just mean that anything you wear, you look great in! It’s all about attitude. Its how you wear the clothes that you’re in. If you feel sexy, you’ll look sexy!
Samantha: Heck, if I’m in a mood, feeling all sexy and horny, I can pull off wearing almost anything! And have!!
Carrie: We know all about the Glad garbage bag story thank you very much…
Samantha: But plastic bags and baby oil?!?! Hmm, honey! You gotta try it sometime! All that slipping and sliding around - …
Charlotte: Glad. Wasn’t that the quicker picker upper, no wait (pauses) that’s Bounty..
Miranda: My clothes say - I’m practical, but boring - comfortable yet casual. Cotton briefs for when I get my period, no nonsense sweatpants for hanging around the house and going to the grocery store. Comfort is key for this thirtysomething gal. No more squeezing myself into pants that are two sizes too small, or tops that barely cover my tits (looks down at her chest), well, barely cover this area (makes a hand motion around her chest).
Carrie: I have to find something tres tres chic. It’s going to be a cinq a sept.
Charlotte: Ooh! What’s a cinq a sept? It sounds so exciting!
Samantha: Where I come from, its called happy hour, or is (pause) it liquid h’or deuvres in Montreal…
Carrie:Its absolutely exciting! Cinq a sept is a local French phrase for a get together between five and seven PM – usually to launch an art exposition or book signing, often held in a fancy loft or gallery, either on the plateau or in the old city where people go to look pretty and rub elbows with the city’s clique of artsy-fartsies.
Miranda:And you would consider yourself an artsy-fartsy?
Carrie:Well, now that I have a job, am able to afford to live in an apartment bigger than a bathroom and don’t have to recycle my cigarette butts might mean that I’ve probably grown out of that ‘title’ somewhat…
Samantha:What an adventure to look forward to! All those young hot French boys with their beautiful slim bodies and long hair, and ooooh! That accent just drives me wild!
Miranda:You don’t understand half of what they say to you anyway -.
Samantha:Does it really matter???!! I’m a Canadian as well! We’re all from the same country – that should be enough common ground enough for at least a one night stand (contemplates). Whatever it is, it’s the perfect time for an after work getaway, not long enough to get people completely drunk, but long enough to- .
Carrie (interjecting):To slap over a cheque of 5 grand for a painting that looks like a piece of shit when sober!!
They all take their cups/glasses and meet in the middle of the table – clinking them together
Samantha: Oui Oui !
Miranda: Salute!
Charlotte: Esti!
Carrie: What’s an esti?
Charlotte: Some bum with on the street with a beer in his hand said it to me as I walked by him last night. I think it means – to your health!
All Girls together: ESTI!!
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
foghorn leghorn!
Happy Chinese New Year!
Its the year of the Rooster - so that should give you something to crow about!!
All the best!!!
(sorry, exhaustion = bad pun)
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Rust never sleeps. Neither do we...
I am soooo exhausted! Unlike Blueleaf who is able to pull all nighters because he has the technique down to a since, I was unable to stay up around the clock without collapsing. I met with one of the producers last night - Charlotte, and we had a BLAST! I can't remember the last time I was able to brainstorm with someone and have it be so productive! But right now, I am paying the price - I am a complete zombie!! So, as usual, I will try to make this a quick and coherent post. I will try, but no promises...
Charlottes acting rehearsal was cancelled and I was feeling crappy so it was perfect timing and the perfect opening in the fabric of time for a meeting. After a few hours of chomping on granola bars, chocolate soy milk, natchos and salsa, we got down to some serious work. Once we did though, we were still kicking the ideas around and fresh on the ball at 3:30am! It was a pity though, because I had to get up this morning for a PHD's appointment, but had I not had that, I think we would have worked right throughout to the morning! And oh those ideas were spilling out! A smattering of some a few brilliant ideas:
Carrie calls her beloved Manolo Blahniks Manolo Blankies.
Carrie: Oh ! I can't go anywhere without my Manolo Blankies!
Samantha: They are Manolo Blahniks: Blah - niks.
Carrie: I know - blank-ies!
Samantha: What the hell are you talking about?
voice from shoe store clerk sounding irate off- stage: Blah - Nics!!
Carrie: But these shoes!!! I can't go anywhere without them! If I can get my hands on a pair, it does'nt matter where I am, it always feel like home!
She lifts one shoe to either side of her face and snuggles them to her cheeks, making a cooing noise
Samantha: Well, at least you could have been more creative - like diamonds, (pauses) or sex toys!
And that was only one of hundreds of silly antidotes we cooked up - the only difficult part now it to piece it all together. So here I sit, with thousands of words spilled from this alphabet soup spilled all over my lap, slowly piecing the verbs, nouns and conjunctions together to make a tasty 7 course show. And I have never cooked for a restaurant full of paying customers without a cookbook before; but there is always a first time...
Charlotte told me as we were looking over the potential candidates:
You know, I really think that you can pull off being Miranda.
What makes you think so?
I just think you have something in you, you have that spark, that gift of being able to mimic people, pick up on their mannerisms and run with it.
But I have never acted professionally before!
That's fine. If you're willing to work hard, memorize your lines and be prepared, you should have nothing to worry about.
But I blank out when I am nervous (aware at this point saying that I was an alien would be useless. I had to be truthful). I don't want to drag the show down!
If its a question of being scared, you can do one of two things - you can be scared -scared enough to convince yourself that you can't do it, and to convince me that you can't pull it off, or you can face up to your fears and work through them, prove to yourself that you can do it. Because really, I think you could, but it's you in the end making the ultimate choice. And that decision you can choose to explore, explore those fears and overcome them and go past them. If you are prepared to memorize, know your lines inside out until you have no question in your mind what they are, until you can say them in your sleep, I have no doubt that you could pull this off, and you'd be fantastic.
Really?
Yea! I would'nt be telling you this if I didn't think it was true!
Well, that was my call to arms. The Joan Of Arc in me began to stir.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Jump through the ring of fire and make it to the other side unscathed.
I had lived a life with many regrets, and I vowed to never let myself be in the same situation again. This is a new year, a new project, a new challenge.
So my dear readers, I think I am going to go for it. As I have said in previous posts, I believe that some things happen for a reason, even if there are no apparent explanations of how or why they became to be. Sometimes you just have to embrace every opportunity as a new beginning, however terrifying it may be; trust in the universe, trust in the higher power, trust in yourself.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
This is the maxim I try to live by.
I'm scared shitless, but excited at the same time.
Thanks P.J for believing in me ;-)
Charlottes acting rehearsal was cancelled and I was feeling crappy so it was perfect timing and the perfect opening in the fabric of time for a meeting. After a few hours of chomping on granola bars, chocolate soy milk, natchos and salsa, we got down to some serious work. Once we did though, we were still kicking the ideas around and fresh on the ball at 3:30am! It was a pity though, because I had to get up this morning for a PHD's appointment, but had I not had that, I think we would have worked right throughout to the morning! And oh those ideas were spilling out! A smattering of some a few brilliant ideas:
Carrie calls her beloved Manolo Blahniks Manolo Blankies.
Carrie: Oh ! I can't go anywhere without my Manolo Blankies!
Samantha: They are Manolo Blahniks: Blah - niks.
Carrie: I know - blank-ies!
Samantha: What the hell are you talking about?
voice from shoe store clerk sounding irate off- stage: Blah - Nics!!
Carrie: But these shoes!!! I can't go anywhere without them! If I can get my hands on a pair, it does'nt matter where I am, it always feel like home!
She lifts one shoe to either side of her face and snuggles them to her cheeks, making a cooing noise
Samantha: Well, at least you could have been more creative - like diamonds, (pauses) or sex toys!
And that was only one of hundreds of silly antidotes we cooked up - the only difficult part now it to piece it all together. So here I sit, with thousands of words spilled from this alphabet soup spilled all over my lap, slowly piecing the verbs, nouns and conjunctions together to make a tasty 7 course show. And I have never cooked for a restaurant full of paying customers without a cookbook before; but there is always a first time...
Charlotte told me as we were looking over the potential candidates:
You know, I really think that you can pull off being Miranda.
What makes you think so?
I just think you have something in you, you have that spark, that gift of being able to mimic people, pick up on their mannerisms and run with it.
But I have never acted professionally before!
That's fine. If you're willing to work hard, memorize your lines and be prepared, you should have nothing to worry about.
But I blank out when I am nervous (aware at this point saying that I was an alien would be useless. I had to be truthful). I don't want to drag the show down!
If its a question of being scared, you can do one of two things - you can be scared -scared enough to convince yourself that you can't do it, and to convince me that you can't pull it off, or you can face up to your fears and work through them, prove to yourself that you can do it. Because really, I think you could, but it's you in the end making the ultimate choice. And that decision you can choose to explore, explore those fears and overcome them and go past them. If you are prepared to memorize, know your lines inside out until you have no question in your mind what they are, until you can say them in your sleep, I have no doubt that you could pull this off, and you'd be fantastic.
Really?
Yea! I would'nt be telling you this if I didn't think it was true!
Well, that was my call to arms. The Joan Of Arc in me began to stir.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Jump through the ring of fire and make it to the other side unscathed.
I had lived a life with many regrets, and I vowed to never let myself be in the same situation again. This is a new year, a new project, a new challenge.
So my dear readers, I think I am going to go for it. As I have said in previous posts, I believe that some things happen for a reason, even if there are no apparent explanations of how or why they became to be. Sometimes you just have to embrace every opportunity as a new beginning, however terrifying it may be; trust in the universe, trust in the higher power, trust in yourself.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
This is the maxim I try to live by.
I'm scared shitless, but excited at the same time.
Thanks P.J for believing in me ;-)
Monday, February 07, 2005
Half of a halftime post.
If I go to bed before the sun comes up, I'll be happy!
I definitely have to make this a short post.
I have been up too many nights tapping my fingers to the bare bones, trying to spew out something that might resemble a script before the end of this month!
AAHHH!!
Met with the producers and the director on Saturday. We were all there for the auditions (the first round). I stuck around for three of the 6 people. 5 women and one man. All of the women were auditioning for more than one role which I thought was pretty bold and bizarre at the same time. (The bold and bizarre - a new FOX reality TV show. Discuss...) You would have to be next to the level of acting and in the leagues of Sir Anthony Hopkins to be able to pull off such diametrically opposed characters in one audition!! I must say, watching these girls try to pull a Miranda, and then a Charlotte was more exciting than rubbernecking at a car crash! One girl who seemed rather sweet, but was actually quite mousy tried out for Charlotte, and then wanted to do a Carrie Bradshaw. From prim and proper to wild and wacky is a stretch to begin with. The clincher was that she had only seen 3 episodes of Sex in the City!
Lady! The show was on for 6 seasons! And you only got to see three episodes!? And you want to audition for two parts!??!
The sinking of the Titanic would have been less painful than hearing her try to elaborate on the characters she was trying out for:
Ah, Charlotte is the crazy one that sleeps around alot...
No, that's Samantha.
Then Charlotte is the one that has the baby...
No, that's Miranda.
You have one more left honey!! Process of elimination!! Can you do it?? Needless to say, she is out of the running!
We all sat at a long table, side by side, the director in the middle. Opposite from us was a wall with one big mirror on it (I guess it was a dance class/studio) and as I caught the reflection of all of us, it hit me:
We are the cast for the show!
The director was a spitting image for Carrie. Unbelievable. Even down to the hair and mannerisms. This was also confirmed by the 2nd actress that came in to audition:
Why are you girls looking to fill those roles? You have it all with just the four of you!
We all looked at eachother and laughed. Truth is ,the two producers are acting in it, but the director and I are just sitting in the sidelines. But I have a funny feeling that might change, and change soon...
We were casting two small bit parts - a Greek and Italian mother. Samantha ends up sleeping with two guys she meets in a bar on separate occasions. These guys both live with their parents (as part of the southern European tradition goes - you live at home until you get married, or live in the same building as your parents . Even then, the children rarely fly far from the nest, usually two blocks is their limit) and both times Samantha gets caught by the infuriated mother. Just imagine - Samantha and her guy having sex on the kitchen table - the mother walks in, and short of having a heart attack, screams all kinds of obscenities toward her son and the evil wicked woman. Well, it takes a special person to play an infuriated Italian or Greek mother, and after 4 failed attempts from the other actresses, I was asked if I could try out.
I did.
And they loved me.
they really loved me!
I laughed so hard, I almost began to have stomach cramps: C'mon, you have to audition for the part of Miranda. You would be perfect, and the Greek mother? That part is made for you!
I tried to find 1001 excuses in my suitcase of worst case scenario cop-out lines:
I can't remember lines.
I get too nervous on stage.
I am a klutz and will fall into the audience.
I am the writer and I have to stay focused on the writing.
I am not an actress.
I don't want to bring down the play with my bad acting.
I am an alien.
I throw up when I get nervous.
I am waiting to be deported back to the Antartic.
No, really. I am an alien...
Nothing worked. They were convinced. They want me to audition. And they are really gunning for me. I have to admit though, ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to act. I was the performer of the family, putting on all kinds of little variety shows every chance I got. If you were a willing audience, you were going to get the whole Labor Day Jerry Lewis Telethon - all the musicals, skits, interviews - you name it, I did it. I actually auditioned for theater performance when I changed my major in university. And apparently this program was one of the best and toughest to get into in the whole country.
Did I get in?
Yes.
How?
I still have no clue. I tried to memorize a bit of Shakespeare (and I had to memorize a part from the more wishy washy plays like A Midsummer Night's Dream - what I was really looking forward to was sinking my teeth into something like Coriolanus or Antony and Cleopatra - blood! Guts! War and Passion!) but during the audition, I failed miserably. As I look back on that traumatic event, perhaps the one redeeming factor was that I really tried and had my whole heart (and rest of my internal organs) in it. Perhaps the professors saw some sort of potential in me. Perhaps it was because I put on the best British accent this side of the Thames, and actually showed up in a costume!
but
but I decided to go into writing instead.
So here I am.
I am getting such a kick out of this whole situation - if you would have asked me last year what I would be doing in the next 12 months, I would have not had a clue, let alone imagine being on the roster to play the part of a neurotic lawyer in a stage production which is a spoof of a successful comedy series about a group of 4 thirtysomething women and their lives in the big apple.
Sometimes, I just have to sit back and say:
Life.
Who knew!?
I definitely have to make this a short post.
I have been up too many nights tapping my fingers to the bare bones, trying to spew out something that might resemble a script before the end of this month!
AAHHH!!
Met with the producers and the director on Saturday. We were all there for the auditions (the first round). I stuck around for three of the 6 people. 5 women and one man. All of the women were auditioning for more than one role which I thought was pretty bold and bizarre at the same time. (The bold and bizarre - a new FOX reality TV show. Discuss...) You would have to be next to the level of acting and in the leagues of Sir Anthony Hopkins to be able to pull off such diametrically opposed characters in one audition!! I must say, watching these girls try to pull a Miranda, and then a Charlotte was more exciting than rubbernecking at a car crash! One girl who seemed rather sweet, but was actually quite mousy tried out for Charlotte, and then wanted to do a Carrie Bradshaw. From prim and proper to wild and wacky is a stretch to begin with. The clincher was that she had only seen 3 episodes of Sex in the City!
Lady! The show was on for 6 seasons! And you only got to see three episodes!? And you want to audition for two parts!??!
The sinking of the Titanic would have been less painful than hearing her try to elaborate on the characters she was trying out for:
Ah, Charlotte is the crazy one that sleeps around alot...
No, that's Samantha.
Then Charlotte is the one that has the baby...
No, that's Miranda.
You have one more left honey!! Process of elimination!! Can you do it?? Needless to say, she is out of the running!
We all sat at a long table, side by side, the director in the middle. Opposite from us was a wall with one big mirror on it (I guess it was a dance class/studio) and as I caught the reflection of all of us, it hit me:
We are the cast for the show!
The director was a spitting image for Carrie. Unbelievable. Even down to the hair and mannerisms. This was also confirmed by the 2nd actress that came in to audition:
Why are you girls looking to fill those roles? You have it all with just the four of you!
We all looked at eachother and laughed. Truth is ,the two producers are acting in it, but the director and I are just sitting in the sidelines. But I have a funny feeling that might change, and change soon...
We were casting two small bit parts - a Greek and Italian mother. Samantha ends up sleeping with two guys she meets in a bar on separate occasions. These guys both live with their parents (as part of the southern European tradition goes - you live at home until you get married, or live in the same building as your parents . Even then, the children rarely fly far from the nest, usually two blocks is their limit) and both times Samantha gets caught by the infuriated mother. Just imagine - Samantha and her guy having sex on the kitchen table - the mother walks in, and short of having a heart attack, screams all kinds of obscenities toward her son and the evil wicked woman. Well, it takes a special person to play an infuriated Italian or Greek mother, and after 4 failed attempts from the other actresses, I was asked if I could try out.
I did.
And they loved me.
they really loved me!
I laughed so hard, I almost began to have stomach cramps: C'mon, you have to audition for the part of Miranda. You would be perfect, and the Greek mother? That part is made for you!
I tried to find 1001 excuses in my suitcase of worst case scenario cop-out lines:
I can't remember lines.
I get too nervous on stage.
I am a klutz and will fall into the audience.
I am the writer and I have to stay focused on the writing.
I am not an actress.
I don't want to bring down the play with my bad acting.
I am an alien.
I throw up when I get nervous.
I am waiting to be deported back to the Antartic.
No, really. I am an alien...
Nothing worked. They were convinced. They want me to audition. And they are really gunning for me. I have to admit though, ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to act. I was the performer of the family, putting on all kinds of little variety shows every chance I got. If you were a willing audience, you were going to get the whole Labor Day Jerry Lewis Telethon - all the musicals, skits, interviews - you name it, I did it. I actually auditioned for theater performance when I changed my major in university. And apparently this program was one of the best and toughest to get into in the whole country.
Did I get in?
Yes.
How?
I still have no clue. I tried to memorize a bit of Shakespeare (and I had to memorize a part from the more wishy washy plays like A Midsummer Night's Dream - what I was really looking forward to was sinking my teeth into something like Coriolanus or Antony and Cleopatra - blood! Guts! War and Passion!) but during the audition, I failed miserably. As I look back on that traumatic event, perhaps the one redeeming factor was that I really tried and had my whole heart (and rest of my internal organs) in it. Perhaps the professors saw some sort of potential in me. Perhaps it was because I put on the best British accent this side of the Thames, and actually showed up in a costume!
but
but I decided to go into writing instead.
So here I am.
I am getting such a kick out of this whole situation - if you would have asked me last year what I would be doing in the next 12 months, I would have not had a clue, let alone imagine being on the roster to play the part of a neurotic lawyer in a stage production which is a spoof of a successful comedy series about a group of 4 thirtysomething women and their lives in the big apple.
Sometimes, I just have to sit back and say:
Life.
Who knew!?
Friday, February 04, 2005
On a funny note...
On a funnier note to cap off the weekend, I had to share this with you all because it is absolutely genius. Feel free to pass it along!! It's a classic!
http://www.brunching.com/alanislyrics.html
My replies
One thing you really hate: bad breath
Six plural nouns that have something to do with that thing:
1- cavities
2 - halatosis
3 - bacteria
4- green teeth
5- receding gums
6- Dentine Gum
Your favorite color: purple
Your favorite poet: Dr. Seuss
The name of an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend: Frank
Finally, choose one of the following three song titles. Each one will give you a different catchy tune about spite and malice:
'I think'
'Will to live' ( I chose this one..)
'Why"
The result:
"Will to Live"I feel miserable
cavities make me ill
I feel miserable
Halatosis tear at my foundations
I feel miserable
receding gums are dragging me down to the depths of misery
I want to die
Is it because of bad breath that I feel this way?
With the purple rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Or am I lost in tale of Dr. Seuss,
adrift far from home
I don't think so,
I don't think so.
Frank Broke My Will to Live
Frank Broke My Will to Live
Frank Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Frank Broke My Will to Live
I feel miserable
Dentine Gum rot the flesh from my bones
I feel miserable
Bacteria defeat my purpose
I feel miserable
Green teeth are doing their best to impale my soul
I want to die
Is it because of bad breath that I feel this way?
With the purple rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Am I lost in tale of Dr. Seuss, adrift far from home
I don't think so, I don't think so.
Frank Broke My Will to Live
Frank Broke My Will to Live
Oh God, Frank Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Frank Broke My Will to Live
And the last one: -
http://www.asksnoop.com/shizz_frame.php
(take this link and plug it in. I was on the floor for 1/2 hour trying to catch my breath!!too funny!)
Have a wonderfull weekend y'all!!
http://www.brunching.com/alanislyrics.html
My replies
One thing you really hate: bad breath
Six plural nouns that have something to do with that thing:
1- cavities
2 - halatosis
3 - bacteria
4- green teeth
5- receding gums
6- Dentine Gum
Your favorite color: purple
Your favorite poet: Dr. Seuss
The name of an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend: Frank
Finally, choose one of the following three song titles. Each one will give you a different catchy tune about spite and malice:
'I think'
'Will to live' ( I chose this one..)
'Why"
The result:
"Will to Live"I feel miserable
cavities make me ill
I feel miserable
Halatosis tear at my foundations
I feel miserable
receding gums are dragging me down to the depths of misery
I want to die
Is it because of bad breath that I feel this way?
With the purple rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Or am I lost in tale of Dr. Seuss,
adrift far from home
I don't think so,
I don't think so.
Frank Broke My Will to Live
Frank Broke My Will to Live
Frank Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Frank Broke My Will to Live
I feel miserable
Dentine Gum rot the flesh from my bones
I feel miserable
Bacteria defeat my purpose
I feel miserable
Green teeth are doing their best to impale my soul
I want to die
Is it because of bad breath that I feel this way?
With the purple rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Am I lost in tale of Dr. Seuss, adrift far from home
I don't think so, I don't think so.
Frank Broke My Will to Live
Frank Broke My Will to Live
Oh God, Frank Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Frank Broke My Will to Live
And the last one: -
http://www.asksnoop.com/shizz_frame.php
(take this link and plug it in. I was on the floor for 1/2 hour trying to catch my breath!!too funny!)
Have a wonderfull weekend y'all!!
Thursday, February 03, 2005
The G.Mom update...
Went to see my g.mom last night. She has been moved out of the hallway of the emergency ward to minor care where she has a little private room. She says: "It's not home, but at least if I want peace and quiet, I can close the door.".
I told her about all the wonderful wishes that were sent through this blog. At first she said: What? A dog? But I then explained the whole principle of a blog, and just how many people are out there that can be reached via blogging and she was pretty amazed by it. She told me to send you all big kisses and hugs and thank you all for sending well wishes her way. And from me, once again, so many thanks ;-)
In between making comments on all the nurses and fellow patients that walked in and out of the ward, she spoke of my mother (who had a dinner engagement last night,I was taking her visiting night shift): I remember when you were a little baby, oh you used to cry so much. I lived downstairs then, so I would come up to see you and your mother, and your father would stop me, saying that he was letting you cry because eventually you would stop. It broke my heart to hear you like that! Babies cry for a reason, even if it's just becasue they are scared. Maybe all you wanted to know was that you were not alone. But no, your father didn't let me, and your mother at that time was afraid of him. She was sick you know at that time. Some women get that after they have a baby. And he did nothing for your mother - never took her out even though the doctor said that she needed to 'get out of the house'. So I would knock on the door, and he would even lock it! I pounded and pounded, calling for you, hoping that you would hear me, but he didn't budge. I was so upset! I cried how many times because of that. It really broke my heart, but you know, we get older, we forgive. We have to. But I never forgot. I'll never forget that. I am sorry that I couldn't come to help you my dear.
A whole truckload of emotions hit me at once: seething anger towards my father, pity and anger towards my mother, frustration for my grandmother and a feeling of being loved so unconditionally it moved me deep inside. I almost burst out into tears on the spot, but I just sat there stunned. Silent and stunned. Her warm soft hand patted mine the way that only grandmothers can and said: You've always been special to me and I love you so much. I gave her a big hug. I didn't want to let go, but I knew that she was in extreme pain because of her back, so I eventually did.
E and I stayed a while longer and then said our goodbyes. As I turned to leave the ward, I waved goodbye to her and smiled. There she lay, covered in bleach and starch blankets, smiling as I left, shooing me away affectionately.
As I type this, I feel a tremendous sense of regret for not having spent more time with her in the past (he was living out of the city for many many years and had only recently come back - about 8 years ago), and that the time I will be spending with her in the next little while will be the most precious for both of us. I am so very sad yet so very happy at the same time. What a weird state to be in. What a weird feeling to experience. I felt the same way about two years ago when I broke the silence between my father and I (long story, lots of bitterness against his remarriage, things he did and didn't do for me when I was a kid...). I sent him a card for Christmas. I laughed so hard when I read it, I thought I was going to burst a vessel in my brain.
On the cover it said:
Merry Christmas to the World's Best Farter!
and on the inside it said:
Oops! I meant to say Father!!!
I sent it to him, not expecting to hear an answer. There had been radio silence between us for years. Then one day, on my answering machine, he left a message:
Hey girl! How have you been? I got the card and laughed my ass off! How appropriate! You know me well! I am happy that you wanted to talk to me. I thought you were still mad after all these years. Well, we have lots to talk about!
He then proceeded to tell me about how he had a nervous breakdown after 35 years at the same job (this is coming from the man who said 'oh, it's nothing' when I had mine), that he was still a ski patroller on the mountian he had been skiing at for the past 15 years, that his wife had some heath problems as well, and that he had cancer. Prostate cancer.
My whole life flashed before my eyes. The day I found out, I walked outside of the country house, sat in the woods with my bottle of Jack and cried my fucken head off. But I then resolved to myself that I would fight this thing, and knock on wood, I have. Too many interferon treatments, too many biopsies, too many nips and cuts, but I'm still here. I'm a changed man...
My mother always said: Times change, but people don't.
I wanted to prove her wrong.
I spoke with my father over the phone for a few months until we had the same schedule to meet. I was so nervous. It had been a good 8 years since we met the last time.
What is he gonna look like?
Lots of grey hairs?
Frail and old looking?
But on that day, he walked up the stairs looking as handsome as ever, a posterboy for an outdoor sports/clothing store, his hair all grey, his skin tanned from the sun and skiing, and in better shape that most of the 30 year old men I know.
I felt the tears flood my eyes. They were good tears. He had bought me a little bouquet of flowers.
He had never ever done that before.
Ever.
We spent the next three hours catching up, exchanging war stories, jokes and good memories. It was like we had never missed a day. He told me that he wanted to see more of me and E, invited us up to his country place for the weekend. I accepted wholeheartedly.
I never really got a chance to say I'm sorry, for all the bad times. All the bad memories you may have. I really missed having you in my life. I'm so happy that you sent that card...
Stuck in an awkward situation again, I could not start to ball my eyes out in a packed restaurant, so I held it in and hugged him tightly. I called him Dad again after more than 10 years of silence.
Mom, you were wrong.
People do change.
Especially after you reach what you think will be the end of your life or after you have looked down the precipice of hell and oblivion. That's when you get a second chance. That is when you change.
We still chat - I email him and he emails me - we give eachother updates of what we have been doing, what is happening here in the city with me, what is happening with him in the country. We have been planning to visit him for the past year now. I saw him about 6 months ago when his mother (my other grandmother died). He was really happy I was there. His wife told me that it meant everything to him that I came. There was no way that I would have missed it.
Some of my photos are in a group exposition near his place up North next week. I am going to email him the information. I know he will try his best to be there. It will be nice to see him again.
Even though I can't visit my grandmother today, she is always in my thoughts. I visit her there all the time. I am looking forward to visiting her tomorrow, and enjoy every minute that she and my father are still around....
I told her about all the wonderful wishes that were sent through this blog. At first she said: What? A dog? But I then explained the whole principle of a blog, and just how many people are out there that can be reached via blogging and she was pretty amazed by it. She told me to send you all big kisses and hugs and thank you all for sending well wishes her way. And from me, once again, so many thanks ;-)
In between making comments on all the nurses and fellow patients that walked in and out of the ward, she spoke of my mother (who had a dinner engagement last night,I was taking her visiting night shift): I remember when you were a little baby, oh you used to cry so much. I lived downstairs then, so I would come up to see you and your mother, and your father would stop me, saying that he was letting you cry because eventually you would stop. It broke my heart to hear you like that! Babies cry for a reason, even if it's just becasue they are scared. Maybe all you wanted to know was that you were not alone. But no, your father didn't let me, and your mother at that time was afraid of him. She was sick you know at that time. Some women get that after they have a baby. And he did nothing for your mother - never took her out even though the doctor said that she needed to 'get out of the house'. So I would knock on the door, and he would even lock it! I pounded and pounded, calling for you, hoping that you would hear me, but he didn't budge. I was so upset! I cried how many times because of that. It really broke my heart, but you know, we get older, we forgive. We have to. But I never forgot. I'll never forget that. I am sorry that I couldn't come to help you my dear.
A whole truckload of emotions hit me at once: seething anger towards my father, pity and anger towards my mother, frustration for my grandmother and a feeling of being loved so unconditionally it moved me deep inside. I almost burst out into tears on the spot, but I just sat there stunned. Silent and stunned. Her warm soft hand patted mine the way that only grandmothers can and said: You've always been special to me and I love you so much. I gave her a big hug. I didn't want to let go, but I knew that she was in extreme pain because of her back, so I eventually did.
E and I stayed a while longer and then said our goodbyes. As I turned to leave the ward, I waved goodbye to her and smiled. There she lay, covered in bleach and starch blankets, smiling as I left, shooing me away affectionately.
As I type this, I feel a tremendous sense of regret for not having spent more time with her in the past (he was living out of the city for many many years and had only recently come back - about 8 years ago), and that the time I will be spending with her in the next little while will be the most precious for both of us. I am so very sad yet so very happy at the same time. What a weird state to be in. What a weird feeling to experience. I felt the same way about two years ago when I broke the silence between my father and I (long story, lots of bitterness against his remarriage, things he did and didn't do for me when I was a kid...). I sent him a card for Christmas. I laughed so hard when I read it, I thought I was going to burst a vessel in my brain.
On the cover it said:
Merry Christmas to the World's Best Farter!
and on the inside it said:
Oops! I meant to say Father!!!
I sent it to him, not expecting to hear an answer. There had been radio silence between us for years. Then one day, on my answering machine, he left a message:
Hey girl! How have you been? I got the card and laughed my ass off! How appropriate! You know me well! I am happy that you wanted to talk to me. I thought you were still mad after all these years. Well, we have lots to talk about!
He then proceeded to tell me about how he had a nervous breakdown after 35 years at the same job (this is coming from the man who said 'oh, it's nothing' when I had mine), that he was still a ski patroller on the mountian he had been skiing at for the past 15 years, that his wife had some heath problems as well, and that he had cancer. Prostate cancer.
My whole life flashed before my eyes. The day I found out, I walked outside of the country house, sat in the woods with my bottle of Jack and cried my fucken head off. But I then resolved to myself that I would fight this thing, and knock on wood, I have. Too many interferon treatments, too many biopsies, too many nips and cuts, but I'm still here. I'm a changed man...
My mother always said: Times change, but people don't.
I wanted to prove her wrong.
I spoke with my father over the phone for a few months until we had the same schedule to meet. I was so nervous. It had been a good 8 years since we met the last time.
What is he gonna look like?
Lots of grey hairs?
Frail and old looking?
But on that day, he walked up the stairs looking as handsome as ever, a posterboy for an outdoor sports/clothing store, his hair all grey, his skin tanned from the sun and skiing, and in better shape that most of the 30 year old men I know.
I felt the tears flood my eyes. They were good tears. He had bought me a little bouquet of flowers.
He had never ever done that before.
Ever.
We spent the next three hours catching up, exchanging war stories, jokes and good memories. It was like we had never missed a day. He told me that he wanted to see more of me and E, invited us up to his country place for the weekend. I accepted wholeheartedly.
I never really got a chance to say I'm sorry, for all the bad times. All the bad memories you may have. I really missed having you in my life. I'm so happy that you sent that card...
Stuck in an awkward situation again, I could not start to ball my eyes out in a packed restaurant, so I held it in and hugged him tightly. I called him Dad again after more than 10 years of silence.
Mom, you were wrong.
People do change.
Especially after you reach what you think will be the end of your life or after you have looked down the precipice of hell and oblivion. That's when you get a second chance. That is when you change.
We still chat - I email him and he emails me - we give eachother updates of what we have been doing, what is happening here in the city with me, what is happening with him in the country. We have been planning to visit him for the past year now. I saw him about 6 months ago when his mother (my other grandmother died). He was really happy I was there. His wife told me that it meant everything to him that I came. There was no way that I would have missed it.
Some of my photos are in a group exposition near his place up North next week. I am going to email him the information. I know he will try his best to be there. It will be nice to see him again.
Even though I can't visit my grandmother today, she is always in my thoughts. I visit her there all the time. I am looking forward to visiting her tomorrow, and enjoy every minute that she and my father are still around....
My apologies to the Vatican and the Pope/I am not evil rant...
I want to personally apologise to the Pope and the Vatican and anybody else that was offended by my little story behind the Pope pics. I also wanted to say that I did it before he was rushed to the hospital. (I just wanted to clear my Karma here). Nobody yet has been offended, but just in case, this is my disclaimer.
But I think that this man is the Hummer of Popes! He's been shot (once? twice?) and when he gets sick, all the cardinals are ready to pick out his funeral attire, but then something happens, and he bounces back! I guess its all those carbs in Polish cooking that keeps him kicking around.
But I think that this man is the Hummer of Popes! He's been shot (once? twice?) and when he gets sick, all the cardinals are ready to pick out his funeral attire, but then something happens, and he bounces back! I guess its all those carbs in Polish cooking that keeps him kicking around.
Becasue everybody is doing it...
If somebody jumps off a building, would I follow?
No way!
But something like this is kinda fun to pass along.
I dont remember where I saw this - so sorry in advance if I don't credit you :-(
(I took the liberty to modify some of the questions so they make a little more sense. That's the writer in me....)
ME: in the morning i am: Still asleep, cranky unitl I get my first jolt of coffee.
Love is : a many splended thing...
I dream about : mumbo jumbo compressed weird things that I sometimes don't understand.
The Opposite Sex - what do you first notice: the eyes.
Who is your hero?: My mom and grandmother - strong and beautiful women.
What makes your heart thump?:any rollercoaster, even the baby ones
Have you ever fallen for your best friend?:Yes
Could you/ Do you live without a computer?: I think so, but only if I could access it once and a while just for emails
What's your favorite food?: home made fried chicken
whats your favorite fruit?: Cherries
What hurts more? physical pain or emotional pain?: emotional
Do you trust others easily?: Holy crap, yea, too easily for my own good.
Number of times i have had my heart broken? : lots
Number of hearts i have broken? : A few, but never intentionally.
Number of boys i have kissed? : LOL! I need one of those web-hit counters!!
Number of girls i have kissed? : none (not counting pecks from female friends/family)
What kind of illegal drugs have you taken?: Hash, pot. I am on enough chemicals already!Number of tight friends? : 3
Number of cd's that I own?: enough to compete with a small record company.
Do I have scars on your body, and if yes, where?: Too many litle ones, but 3 on my stomach (gallbladder removal) the most prominet one being the upsidedown smilley face right on top of my belly button.
Number of things in my past that i regret?: Not taking the offer to be a medical photographer in Ryihad, Saudi Arabia for 6 months, despite the fact that the offer came 3 months after 911 and being a mean kid to a cat I had that loved me so much.
Other things I know:? :Despite what happens, life goes on, and tomorrow is another day
I want: to be able to follow my dreams of being a writer, photographer, filmmaker and share my views with the world, in the hope that what I have to say will make a difference in a good way. To be able to travel, to be able to reitre and not be poor, to stay healthy and active till past old age.
I have: an amazing b.friend, mom and grandmother, two great cats, my (almost great) health, my imagination, a roof over my head, enormous debt but big dreams.
I wish: I found a medication that worked for me, more money, ability to travel, and same as all the things I want (isn't want and wish one in the same??)
i hate: ALL SEAFOOD AND FISH!! Stupid, selfish and dishonest people.
I miss: My great grandparents, being a kid, Cuba, skiing, my innocence.
I fear: fear itself, losing control.
I hear: voices coming from my raido (it's on by the way...)
I love: somestimes, too much.
I ache: in my joints - back, knees and hands - fybromyalgia
i always: look both ways when I cross a street, say 'bless you' when people sneeze
I dance: All the time!! Even when there is no music!
I don't always: say thank you, arrive on time
I write: all the time
I can usually be found: at home, on my computer, on the phone, listening to music, daydreaming, in a state of productive panic, laughing, socializing
Have you ever played a game that made u take off clothing?: yes
If so, when and with who: at a staff party that got out of control - a long time ago.
Where are your favorite place/s to be kissed?: back of the neck, shoulders
Have you ever been caught "doing something": Who has'nt????
Have you or do you use drugs?: once in a orange moon.
Gang member: no, but what a weird question!
Are you a daydreamer?: Yes
Are you an alcoholic: nope
Are you a freak: lol! I like to think of myself as eclectic with a sexy twist
Are you a brat: Hell yea!
Are you sarcastic: especially when pissed off.
Are you a goody-goody: LOL! Not enough for my own good!!
Do you act like an angel: (batting eyelashes) - I can't beleive that you'd even ask such a question!
Do you act like a 'lil' devil' ?: Hee heee. (smirks)
Are you a friend: Absolutley
Shy?: rarely
Talkative?: I refuse to answer that question without my lawyer present...
Adventurous?: Yepp!
Intelligent ?: I like to think so, but sometimes I wonder.
S.E.L.F A.N.A.L.Y.S.I.S
My best feature: legs
I am : unique
My biggest flaw: I cant say no
Most annoying thing I do: worry too much!
Biggest mistake I've made this far: going back on my New Year's resolutions.
Describe my personality in three words: outrageous, witty, warm.
The physical feature for which I am most often complimented: toss up between my eyes and my laugh.
Person I regret sleeping with: Have a few of those, but don't we all?
A smell that makes me smile: vanilla and 'the new car' smell.
A city I'd like to visit: Athens, New York, Cairo, Kyoto
A drink I order most often : Pale ale, Port, Black Russian, 7up
A delicious dessert: a new york style chocolate cheesecake
The music I prefer while alone: anything from Classical, to rock, ambient, dance to Jazz - all depends on my mood.
A film I could watch over and over: That's a tough one. I'd have to say it's a toss up between Solaris by Andrei Tarkovsky, Pee Wee's Big Adventure and Lost Highway.
A TV show I watch regularly: All the Law and Orders, Mad TV, SNL, Dead Like Me, Arrested Development, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Rescue Me.
My transportation: Buss, subway, my legs.
Under my bed or in my closet I hide: under my bed? Old shoes that I don't have the heart to throw out, bathing suits and costumes in a bag - in my closet? Tons of antique dresses, all the original negatives and work copies of my old films, more old shoes I can't part with
Something important on my night table: Clock raido, Kleenex, pad of paper, lots of pens, a photo of my cats, and a book that I am reading at the moment (Comedy Writing Secrets - go figure...)
Next round of questions! Bring em on!!
Something I like about myself: Im a gregarious person and I think thats a good thing.
No way!
But something like this is kinda fun to pass along.
I dont remember where I saw this - so sorry in advance if I don't credit you :-(
(I took the liberty to modify some of the questions so they make a little more sense. That's the writer in me....)
ME: in the morning i am: Still asleep, cranky unitl I get my first jolt of coffee.
Love is : a many splended thing...
I dream about : mumbo jumbo compressed weird things that I sometimes don't understand.
The Opposite Sex - what do you first notice: the eyes.
Who is your hero?: My mom and grandmother - strong and beautiful women.
What makes your heart thump?:any rollercoaster, even the baby ones
Have you ever fallen for your best friend?:Yes
Could you/ Do you live without a computer?: I think so, but only if I could access it once and a while just for emails
What's your favorite food?: home made fried chicken
whats your favorite fruit?: Cherries
What hurts more? physical pain or emotional pain?: emotional
Do you trust others easily?: Holy crap, yea, too easily for my own good.
Number of times i have had my heart broken? : lots
Number of hearts i have broken? : A few, but never intentionally.
Number of boys i have kissed? : LOL! I need one of those web-hit counters!!
Number of girls i have kissed? : none (not counting pecks from female friends/family)
What kind of illegal drugs have you taken?: Hash, pot. I am on enough chemicals already!Number of tight friends? : 3
Number of cd's that I own?: enough to compete with a small record company.
Do I have scars on your body, and if yes, where?: Too many litle ones, but 3 on my stomach (gallbladder removal) the most prominet one being the upsidedown smilley face right on top of my belly button.
Number of things in my past that i regret?: Not taking the offer to be a medical photographer in Ryihad, Saudi Arabia for 6 months, despite the fact that the offer came 3 months after 911 and being a mean kid to a cat I had that loved me so much.
Other things I know:? :Despite what happens, life goes on, and tomorrow is another day
I want: to be able to follow my dreams of being a writer, photographer, filmmaker and share my views with the world, in the hope that what I have to say will make a difference in a good way. To be able to travel, to be able to reitre and not be poor, to stay healthy and active till past old age.
I have: an amazing b.friend, mom and grandmother, two great cats, my (almost great) health, my imagination, a roof over my head, enormous debt but big dreams.
I wish: I found a medication that worked for me, more money, ability to travel, and same as all the things I want (isn't want and wish one in the same??)
i hate: ALL SEAFOOD AND FISH!! Stupid, selfish and dishonest people.
I miss: My great grandparents, being a kid, Cuba, skiing, my innocence.
I fear: fear itself, losing control.
I hear: voices coming from my raido (it's on by the way...)
I love: somestimes, too much.
I ache: in my joints - back, knees and hands - fybromyalgia
i always: look both ways when I cross a street, say 'bless you' when people sneeze
I dance: All the time!! Even when there is no music!
I don't always: say thank you, arrive on time
I write: all the time
I can usually be found: at home, on my computer, on the phone, listening to music, daydreaming, in a state of productive panic, laughing, socializing
Have you ever played a game that made u take off clothing?: yes
If so, when and with who: at a staff party that got out of control - a long time ago.
Where are your favorite place/s to be kissed?: back of the neck, shoulders
Have you ever been caught "doing something": Who has'nt????
Have you or do you use drugs?: once in a orange moon.
Gang member: no, but what a weird question!
Are you a daydreamer?: Yes
Are you an alcoholic: nope
Are you a freak: lol! I like to think of myself as eclectic with a sexy twist
Are you a brat: Hell yea!
Are you sarcastic: especially when pissed off.
Are you a goody-goody: LOL! Not enough for my own good!!
Do you act like an angel: (batting eyelashes) - I can't beleive that you'd even ask such a question!
Do you act like a 'lil' devil' ?: Hee heee. (smirks)
Are you a friend: Absolutley
Shy?: rarely
Talkative?: I refuse to answer that question without my lawyer present...
Adventurous?: Yepp!
Intelligent ?: I like to think so, but sometimes I wonder.
S.E.L.F A.N.A.L.Y.S.I.S
My best feature: legs
I am : unique
My biggest flaw: I cant say no
Most annoying thing I do: worry too much!
Biggest mistake I've made this far: going back on my New Year's resolutions.
Describe my personality in three words: outrageous, witty, warm.
The physical feature for which I am most often complimented: toss up between my eyes and my laugh.
Person I regret sleeping with: Have a few of those, but don't we all?
A smell that makes me smile: vanilla and 'the new car' smell.
A city I'd like to visit: Athens, New York, Cairo, Kyoto
A drink I order most often : Pale ale, Port, Black Russian, 7up
A delicious dessert: a new york style chocolate cheesecake
The music I prefer while alone: anything from Classical, to rock, ambient, dance to Jazz - all depends on my mood.
A film I could watch over and over: That's a tough one. I'd have to say it's a toss up between Solaris by Andrei Tarkovsky, Pee Wee's Big Adventure and Lost Highway.
A TV show I watch regularly: All the Law and Orders, Mad TV, SNL, Dead Like Me, Arrested Development, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Rescue Me.
My transportation: Buss, subway, my legs.
Under my bed or in my closet I hide: under my bed? Old shoes that I don't have the heart to throw out, bathing suits and costumes in a bag - in my closet? Tons of antique dresses, all the original negatives and work copies of my old films, more old shoes I can't part with
Something important on my night table: Clock raido, Kleenex, pad of paper, lots of pens, a photo of my cats, and a book that I am reading at the moment (Comedy Writing Secrets - go figure...)
Next round of questions! Bring em on!!
Something I like about myself: Im a gregarious person and I think thats a good thing.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Blogger is Evil
Blogger is evil.
And I am still not adept at saving my documents.
I just spent the last 1/2 hour typing up this incredible account of a trippy dream I had last night and before I knew it, the page refreshes (all by itself) and on a terrifyingly blank white page is written "INTERNAL SERVER ERROR".
I almost lost all of my Special K Berry cereal onto my keyboard.
So now that I am really miffed (but am so very touched by the many best wishes from all of you for my g.mom I have received - going to see her tonight and will most definitely pass along the happy and positive energy - thanks again!) and in the light of a blog I just read about the lack of vitamin D (thanks again JodiGalore!!) I will be posting a series of beautiful photos of my trip to sunny, hot, tropical Cuba last year.
Take a deep breath, smell the ocean air, feel the warm sand in between your toes, enjoy the rays of hot sun caress your body. Welcome to my memory!
Enjoy ;-)
And I am still not adept at saving my documents.
I just spent the last 1/2 hour typing up this incredible account of a trippy dream I had last night and before I knew it, the page refreshes (all by itself) and on a terrifyingly blank white page is written "INTERNAL SERVER ERROR".
I almost lost all of my Special K Berry cereal onto my keyboard.
So now that I am really miffed (but am so very touched by the many best wishes from all of you for my g.mom I have received - going to see her tonight and will most definitely pass along the happy and positive energy - thanks again!) and in the light of a blog I just read about the lack of vitamin D (thanks again JodiGalore!!) I will be posting a series of beautiful photos of my trip to sunny, hot, tropical Cuba last year.
Take a deep breath, smell the ocean air, feel the warm sand in between your toes, enjoy the rays of hot sun caress your body. Welcome to my memory!
Enjoy ;-)
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
When doves cry/ the pope and I say 'mille grazie!"
I just want to start by saying that I was extremely touched by the warm regards for my grandmother that have been coming in! Thank you so very much!!
(as I pull a Linda Richmond) :
I'm feeling a little verklempt! Talk amongst yourselves.. I'll give you a topic: Rhode Island, it's not a road, nor an island...Discuss!"
She is still in the hospital, but nothing too serious, the doctor says. She might be admitted into the geriatric care ward, but I will take all of your cheer and wishes to her for her birthday!! Thanks again, so very much... ;-)
xxoxo
hpk
Now just a quick blurb that I had to share with you all because I think I'm on a comedy bender and should get back to my Sex in la cité script... But here it is. I left a comment on Life or Something Like It (they are outrageous!) and I hope they don't mind that I borrowed this picture from them, but happiness and laughter are good things to spread around instead of viruses!!
(to be viewed/read from top left to top right, to bottom left then bottom right)
As overheard by the guy with the camera...
Pope: C'mon you wanna usea da condoms? You know thata notta nice tinga to do - Ma God is gonna pun -.
(furious flapping of bird wings)
Pope: AHHH!! Oh Dio Mio!! It's thata guy Prince - when da doves cry?!!! Ma! Geddaway!! Sthoogats!
Boy on left: Padre dio! itsa only a white pigoné. Why you so ascared??
Pope: as longa as he doesn't take a caccati here, ma, I don't care.
Girl on right: HAA HAA! I tink he called hisa aimico! Gonna do a poo poo on you!! HAA HAA!
I better say some extra prayers tonight.
I don't want any nasty retribution!
(as I pull a Linda Richmond) :
I'm feeling a little verklempt! Talk amongst yourselves.. I'll give you a topic: Rhode Island, it's not a road, nor an island...Discuss!"
She is still in the hospital, but nothing too serious, the doctor says. She might be admitted into the geriatric care ward, but I will take all of your cheer and wishes to her for her birthday!! Thanks again, so very much... ;-)
xxoxo
hpk
Now just a quick blurb that I had to share with you all because I think I'm on a comedy bender and should get back to my Sex in la cité script... But here it is. I left a comment on Life or Something Like It (they are outrageous!) and I hope they don't mind that I borrowed this picture from them, but happiness and laughter are good things to spread around instead of viruses!!
(to be viewed/read from top left to top right, to bottom left then bottom right)
As overheard by the guy with the camera...
Pope: C'mon you wanna usea da condoms? You know thata notta nice tinga to do - Ma God is gonna pun -.
(furious flapping of bird wings)
Pope: AHHH!! Oh Dio Mio!! It's thata guy Prince - when da doves cry?!!! Ma! Geddaway!! Sthoogats!
Boy on left: Padre dio! itsa only a white pigoné. Why you so ascared??
Pope: as longa as he doesn't take a caccati here, ma, I don't care.
Girl on right: HAA HAA! I tink he called hisa aimico! Gonna do a poo poo on you!! HAA HAA!
I better say some extra prayers tonight.
I don't want any nasty retribution!
Nada mass.
Quick entry.
My grandmother was taken to the hospital today.
She's in her 80's so anytime there is a visit to the hospital, we are all on edge.
They think it might be her kidney passing a stone, but they are not sure.
I went to see her tonight.
My mom is on the edge, which puts me on edge, which turns everything into a big edge fest.
It seemed that people were in a general panic today.
G.mom is staying in the hospital overnight. I will go and see her tomorrow. Bummer though cause her birthday is Saturday. Hope she gets home before then.
I almost lost a good paying contract because the pix I sent in an email to a client were not attached to the email properly. Thank God I was at the computer when it came. I was able to call him and make alternate arrangements. Crossing my fingers that this does not fuck up.
Gotta go to the set tomorrow at an ungodly hour. And we are filming outside. Lovely.
I hate this cold.
I went to a tanning salon today just because my body was screaming out for heat. Oh, I know how bad they can be, but when you live here, I try to balance the bad with the not so bad...
So on that note...
Nada mass mis amigos.
My grandmother was taken to the hospital today.
She's in her 80's so anytime there is a visit to the hospital, we are all on edge.
They think it might be her kidney passing a stone, but they are not sure.
I went to see her tonight.
My mom is on the edge, which puts me on edge, which turns everything into a big edge fest.
It seemed that people were in a general panic today.
G.mom is staying in the hospital overnight. I will go and see her tomorrow. Bummer though cause her birthday is Saturday. Hope she gets home before then.
I almost lost a good paying contract because the pix I sent in an email to a client were not attached to the email properly. Thank God I was at the computer when it came. I was able to call him and make alternate arrangements. Crossing my fingers that this does not fuck up.
Gotta go to the set tomorrow at an ungodly hour. And we are filming outside. Lovely.
I hate this cold.
I went to a tanning salon today just because my body was screaming out for heat. Oh, I know how bad they can be, but when you live here, I try to balance the bad with the not so bad...
So on that note...
Nada mass mis amigos.
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