As the stomach churns...

So this is the latest:

Charlotte spoke to Samantha this morning. Apparently she is really nervous as to what Charlotte has directed before (apparently not too much according to Samantha - because apparently Carrie has more 'credentials' in the directing department) BUT what Samantha has failed to understand is that Carrie has EMBELLISHED her resumeé to the point of absurdity. Both Charlotte and I know this, and are both worried. You see, Carrie's direction is like a cookie cutter solution - one form of direction for everybody.

Okay - I want you to act like instead of you hating the fact that you have to eat bugs, you now love it!

??
Well, despite the text having been written that the person saying the lines IS DISGUSTED BY HAVING TO EAT BUGS, she still thinks that there is artistic merit in saying and acting the impossible. And this is said to every actor that walks in the door! You see, directing actors is like tuning a fine instrument - each one has their own sweet spot, a certain thing that they can find in their depths that make them unique - it's the director's job to find that and to fine tune it to perfection, not to punch out 3000 of the same kind of instruments for the sake of production efficiency. This also comes from her lack of experience (and to tell you the truth, some people have it, some people don't- and I really don't think she has it).

I COULD BE WRONG, but my gut and Charlotte's gut is telling me that this is all wrong. But at the same time, I am wondering if I want to take on that kind or responsibility for something that I am not getting paid for. It's a big dilemma. I wanted to get my photography off the ground this summer, so if I did the play thing that would cut into my stuff big time until June. Then June - July -August is all I have left of the summer, which was when I already figured I would have established a solid client base (not to mention lots and lots of weddings and engagements to take photos at which would = lots of money). So the dice are up in the air right now. I am so torn.

I went to bed at 5am again and just woke up. I woke up every two hours, but the fact that my cats were warming up my feet and shoulder was a really nice reason to rest my achy and now, in full protest from lack of sleep body, fall back into a deep, warm and comfy sleep. Oh what to do?! I mean, writing the thing is already a feather in my cap, but at the same time, I am a perfectionist and watching somebody do a hack job to my baby of the script of my loins and brain would be a slow torture.

WHAT TO DO!! WHAT TO DO!!!!

Now my life is like a cross between Sienfeld and Sex in the City.
HOW WEIRD IS THAT!?????????????

More updates as events warrant....